May 13, 2008By Joe Diliberto Posted: May 13, 2008
Serena's big secret of GOSSIP GIRL is finally out: She feels like a murderer because some creepy aspiring rapist overdosed instead of molesting her. She confessed to Blair, Nate and Chuck — or, as B. dubbed them, the "Non-judgmental Breakfast Club." S. was so horrified by her secret that she allowed Dan to think she had cheated on him instead of confessing she's a "killer." The lie was enough for him to hoof it and end up being comforted by "Sarah" (actually Serena's former partner in crime, Georgina, who set up Serena's fatal tryst! Ironic much?). Sarah/Georgie's masquerade came out, but she was able to spin it to her advantage. Michelle Trachtenberg has been a revelation as the sinister G., especially to anyone who only knew her only as BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER's Dawn. Leighton Meester was surprisingly effective in BFF mode; the glare she gave Chuck after discovering Georgina's whereabouts was a mix of self-satisfaction, anger and predatory glee. The night's other most significant event: Lily left her own wedding rehearsal dinner and ended up at Rufus' concert — where she kissed him. Finally! And Vanessa finally maneuvered Nate into asking her on a proper date, but it was screwed up by Georgie's presence. How lame was Dan, leaving his own father's concert while in thrall to Georgina? Then again, he's only a guy, and he'd just had his heart broken, and Georgie is easy on the eyes...
ONE TREE HILL pulled the increasingly used stunt (thanks, LOST!) of opening the episode with story threads at interesting points, then flashing back to how they got there. Brooke got word that Angie could have her surgery immediately; she was on standby for a doctor to donate time, and Chris Beetem (ex-Tate, ONE LIFE TO LIVE; ex-Jordan, AS THE WORLD TURNS ) just became available from CASHMERE MAFIA. In contrast, Dan learned he was No. 2 on the heart-transplant list. In the midst of training for his basketball comeback, Nathan was unable to drag Jamie up a hillside. Welcome to old age, Nate. Later, Jamie discovered the thank-you card he drew for his grandfather in the trash, and was devastated. My first thought was, "Isn't supermom Haley a better housekeeper than that?" Then I decided taking out the trash was probably Nate's job, and he's...well, Nate. When Haley found the 5-year-old wandering in the street alone, she took him to a playground, where the show's trademark on-the-nose scripting worked in its favor: She was direct and honest with him, telling the kid his Grandpa Dan was a bad guy, and she didn't want her son to get hurt. "You shouldn't lie to me, momma," he observed, sagely.
Lucas had...an incident during the big game with Bear Creek. With one-handed Quentin running point, the Ravens played a three-point offense with full-court press defense, and went into halftime with a lead. Then Lindsay called Lucas (Yes, she called during a game!) to tell him she's dating someone. Jeez, heartless much? A furious Lucas came out for the second half and took out his anger on the team. Unfortunately, the Bear Creek coach ordered a player to hit Q's bad wrist (Anybody else have visions of The Karate Kid's Kreese ordering Johnny to "Sweep the leg"?), and the flagrant foul set Lucas off. He ended up grabbing one of the players (which is inexcusable) and starting a brawl. He abandons the game and gets drunk at Tric.
The guest appearance by Kate Voegele as Mia was welcome, but felt mostly tacked-on — like it was just a way to do a PSA for Rock the Vote and product placement for Star— er, some fruity candy and an amusement park. I'll tell myself that Mia was actually there to give OTH an excuse to use Leonard Cohen's near-ubiquitous "Hallelujah" in the montage.
The coup de grace of the entire episode came in the final scene: After Peyton lugged drunk Lucas home, stripped him and put him to bed with a kiss, he woke up, recognized her and grumbled: "I hate you. I wish you never came back. You ruined my life." Peyton looked like she'd been hit between the eyes with a shovel! Priceless.
CSI: MIAMI: I have been to Miami, and I know the air there is not orange, but the photography of this show makes it look like it should be orange, because it looks so damn cool.
THE BACHELOR: LONDON CALLING: After weeks of crying wolf about its finale with misleading promos, this show finally reached its endgame, with Matt, Shayne and Chelsea. "This journey has been incredible," Matt sighed. Do the guys sign a contract stating they have to call their experiences on the show a "journey"? (I thought this was supposed to be unscripted!?) Matt had the nerve to confess to the camera, "I haven't made my decision yet." What is he waiting for? More importantly, what will be his commitment level to the relationship? He insisted he's in love with two women — which is not good for the winner. You do not want your husband admitting to being in love with someone else on national TV.
Moment(s) of Truth: Chelsea said she couldn't imagine herself without Matt. But she has to, because he sent her packing. She tried to plead her case instead of blubbering, which was admirable, but then she got angry and dissed Shayne, which was not cool. She called Shayne fake, which seemed to offend Matt. Then, Shayne arrived; Matt dropped to one knee and uttered those five words every woman longs to hear: "Monkey, will you marry me?" How could a mon—, er, gal say "No"? Word is Matt and Shayne are still together, but give it a week and we'll have a better handle on their long-term odds. (BTW, my colleague Julie tipped Shayne as the winner weeks ago. Good job!)
Now I must turn my attention to other facets of my job, those things I do when I'm not working the Night Shift...