Lying
Well, Alan has probably not gone a day without lying, but his most egregious one was probably to his family regarding Phillip's birth. Elizabeth didn't learn about it until 1979, while Phillip discovered the truth in 1983.

Manufacturing Weapons of Mass Destruction
While many Springfield doctors worked to discover a cure for a mysterious virus called Dreaming Death in 1984, Alan was trying to get ahold of the antidote in order to proliferate biological weapons.

Nefarious Scheming
Spaulding scheming had a banner year in 1997. Alan and Annie joined forces to bring down the Lewises and pretty much tormented Cassie into playing for their team.

Obstruction Of Justice
Viewers didn't learn about it until 2004, but Alan had been involved in a cover-up with Maryanne Caruthers's murder since 1977. When it came to light this millennium, Alan repeatedly lied to police and thwarted their investigation.

Planted Listening Device
Sure, it's a trick every criminal does at some point and Alan is no exception. In 1994, he planted one on Vanessa in hopes of blackmailing her over her relationship with Matt.

Kept Quiet
Alan sure knows when to hold the cards close to his vest. He kept quiet about Alex's role in the Antimonious drug ring in 2004, but only to get leverage on her.

Removed a Corpse
In order to help Roger fake his death, Alan stole a body in 1979.

Smuggling
One way Alan managed to get some cash was obtaining and selling stolen artwork in 1986 with India. The whole scheme eventually blew up in his face the following year.

Tampering
Alan is an expert at getting records to read the way he wants them. For instance, in 1986, he falsified Beth's death certificate. The following year, he tampered with Marah's paternity records to make it look like Josh wasn't her father.

Untraceable Evidence
What distinguishes a good crook from a bad one is that the former doesn't get caught. While that is often the case with Alan, here's a deed that Springfield still doesn't know about: Alan stole money from Josh in 1988, cash which Lewis had planned to use to pay off his debt. To this day, Josh assumes that he lost the money.

Vanish
Alan was arrested for the Dreaming Death scheme in 1984, but soon vanished into the San Rios jungle. He let everyone in Springfield believe he was dead, but came out of hiding at a masquerade ball in 1986.

Wrestled Away Companies
After decades of fighting, Alan managed to win both Lewis Oil and Lewis Construction from the titular family in 1999.

Xenophobic
No, Alan hasn't committed hate crimes, but he does have this irrational hatred of other families, which has caused Springfield, most notably the Lewises and the Coopers, years of grief.

Yegging
Okay, we confess: We had to look that one up. But it turns out that Alan is a yegg — a safe cracker, that is. In 1986, he broke into Alex's personal safe and stole the mineral rights to the country of San Rios.

Zero Tolerance
Of course, even if you are family, Alan is not above using you to get ahead. Wanting to keep Amanda away from Roger, Alan had her arrested in 1996 — on Christmas Eve, no less. Pretty clear who wins the title of the grinch of the Spaulding household.