Are you seeking inner peace like David Vickeroshi on ONE LIFE TO LIVE? Or are you just plain confused by his gibberish? Either way, Digest's handy guide to David's Buddhist ways will set you straight — on the path to enlightenment, that is! For more about David's latest return to Llanview, check out "The Humorist," our in-depth feature with actor Tuc Watkins in the February 10 issue.

1. David: "We are rich when we are born. We lose only what we cling to. I'm fine and peaceful and full of joy that I do not need crown jewels. Nothing is needed beyond the path of enlightenment."
Translation: Get rid of all your stuff and you'll be a better person.

2. David: "Money is an illusion, like all things on the material plane.... My only currency is spiritual wealth.... I pity the man who sells his soul for a pile of paper the color of gingko leaves in the summer sunlight."
Translation: Avoiding using cash or credit cards. Checks can be made out to the Llanview Clouds-in-River Zen Center and Sunshine-on-Meadow Mind Temple.

3. David: "Vice is a barrier created between the worldly self and the pure self."
Translation: Avoid all your naughty habits, e.g., drinking, partying, smoking.

4. David: "There's nothing that I like more than a brisk hike in the winter air to cleanse the body and soul."
Translation: Get some exercise!

5. David: "I was once trapped as you are now, but I shrugged off the shackles of guilt and I made amends. My life is now an unpolluted pond of peace."
Translation: Apologize to anyone you've wronged to feel better about yourself.

6. David: "I told myself not to feel cold. Therefore, I am not cold.... If the spirit is strong, so is the flesh."
Translation: Get rid of your clothes and shoes and wear saffron-colored robes. You can talk yourself out of being cold.

7. David: "Suffering ends when craving ends. I no longer crave."
Translation: Want for nothing!

8. David: "Envy is a negative emotion."
Translation: Do not be jealous of others and their awesome stuff. You don't need anything, remember?

9. David: "Unburden yourself from physical trappings that anchor you to the earthly plane.... I've found bliss — not in the trappings of material goods nor in the pleasures of the flesh, but in a feeling of a clear conscience and an unsullied soul."
Translation: Avoid sexual activity. See No. 6: If you can talk yourself into hiking a mountain in bare feet, you can talk yourself out of this.

10. David: "The effects of all deeds actively creates past, present, and future experiences, thereby allowing one to be responsible for one's own soul and the happiness of others." Translation: Hey, you don't have to make sense all the time.