October 7, 2008
So I decided it's time to check in with TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES (time…get it? Ah, never mind.) If I didn't know better I would think this show was taking cues from Sunday night's MAD MEN, with its mother fixation. Sarah had to act as substitute mom for Marty, a child she rescued from a terminator. Unfortunately, once you get past her specialties — making stacks of peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches and pumping shotguns one-handed — Sarah doesn't really have much to offer. As Marty himself noted, "You kinda suck at it." Still, the frightened little boy inspired her enough that by the end of the episode she'd uncovered enough hidden reserves of maternal instinct to comfort Marty as he read scary passages from The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (even if she was uncomfortable with his hug). John also is growing more confident; in his case, he's marching toward becoming the savior of mankind. I like this season's less-sniveling version of John. He's taking charge and making decisions, and his mom is deferring to him. Cameron had nothing to do this week, as the emphasis was on John and Uncle Derek, who "introduced" John to Martin Bedell, whom Derek remembered will be an important ally of John's in the future. (I love writing about time travel because it often calls for such strange sentences!) Derek's flashbacks also gave us more glimpses of the future, including John's Daddy, Kyle, once again played by former GENERAL HOSPITAL Lucky Jonathan Jackson. Not only does Jackson sort of resemble Michael Biehn, who played him in the movie, I noticed for the first time that Jackson actually kind of sounds like him, too.

Catherine was back again. Shirley Manson's Scottish accent kept creeping into her dialogue, but I guess one could argue that a cyborg could be forgiven for having trouble mastering dialect. (Then again, it's supposed to have a computer for a brain, right?) When the liquid menace changed shape to kill off employees of the nuclear power plant, Bobbi Sue Luther played that version of the T-1001. She was actually credited as "Bar Skank" for her trouble! (But that may not be her most unusual credit: If you imagine her with green skin, you might recognize her as the Orion Slave Girl from STAR TREK: ENTERPRISE.) Juxtaposing the final battle against a non-Cromartie T-888 with Marty reading from Oz really worked, because the passage was pretty creepy (dealing with the eye-plucking crows and flying monkeys). Did you catch that John used "Baum" — as in L. Frank Baum, creator of "Oz," — for his fake identity? Guess that book really was his favorite.

Which brings me to one of my favorite shows, HEROES. This episode was pretty dense with plot, meaning a lot happened. Future Peter showed "our" Peter the world of tomorrow, overrun by super-powered beings thanks to a formula created by someone in the present day. Was it Mohinder or the person who had the formula stolen? In the present, Dr. Suresh was re-enacting The Fly for us, his body mutating as a result of experimenting on himself. In the future, Mohinder hides behind a big hoodie, so presumably the mutation really messes him up.

In that future, Claire capped Peter (with the Hatitian's help). "Our" Peter absorbed Sylar's power, which led to the major revelation of the season, as far as I'm concerned: an explanation of Sylar's power! He has the ability to "know how things work." Which explains why he was rooting around in Claire's brain — he was figuring out how it worked. Remember how happy he was when he appeared to find something, and then absorbed her power? He was figuring her out. I'm not sure what fixing the watch really had to do with Peter's assuming the power (especially since it was a matter of repairing two gears), but perhaps it was simply a way to focus. And it was revealed that Sylar's power comes with an all-consuming hunger to learn how things work — meaning Sylar kills because he is driven to it by his ability. And now Peter has that compulsion, as brother Nathan learned, the hard way! Speaking of Nathan, once again he was president in the future. I'm getting the feeling this guy is destined to be prez!

Other revelations from the future: Knox gets his strength from absorbing fear. Future Sylar insists on being called Gabriel and has a son called Noah. (Who's the mommy?) Matt and Daphne are married and have a daughter(!). And Gabriel will blow up Costa Verde, Calif., apparently killing Knox and causing Daphne to die in Matt's arms, like the painting indicates. Claire and Peter survived because they cannot die, but did Gabriel make it? The explosion came right at a break, and I confess the ensuing Lexus commercial thoroughly confused me, because it depicted a salvage operation at a disaster site that could have been Costa Verde. I wonder if that was fortuitous or planned. The boys at MAD MEN would know… In the present, we learned that Tracy has identical sisters named Nikki and Barbara, and Dr. Zimmerman claimed he manipulated their DNA to give them powers. Elsewhere, Angela manipulated Hiro and Ando into unearthing Adam — who was not happy. Well, who would be, after being buried alive for who knows how long?

LIFE opened with the discovery of a scientist who had been frozen solid by liquid nitrogen. The big visual moment — Crews accidentally shatters the poor guy — was sort of anticlimactic, because we just saw the exact same thing during the HEROES recap. But a frozen corpse is just the sort of quirky crime MacGuffin I've come to expect from LIFE, which started the season with a series of bodies stuffed into trunks. This week's colorful characters included animal-rights activists who wore leather shoes made from human skin ("Jim shoes"). Last night was Reese's turn for some important stuff — she finally asked her father directly if he sent an innocent man (meaning Charlie) to jail. When he threw her out without denying it, she faced a devastating realization. Sarah Shahi did a nice job demonstrating anger, disappointment and consternation, and when a distraught Reese somehow managed to snag her hair in the car door, I think I fell in love a little. From my perspective, LIFE will now be about tougher-than-nails, sultry Det. Dani Reese and her trusty redheaded sidekick. That's life.

October 6, 2008
"The market took a turn for the worse." — Bud

Mothers assumed the spotlight on MAD MEN, even though the main plot concerned Betty's father suffering a stroke. That brought Don back in to escort her to the family homestead and expand on her conflict with her stepmother. Gloria seemed obsessed with floating around the house acting like the perfect hostess, and pooh-poohing Gene's stroke-addled behavior because he was inconveniencing her luncheon plans. Gene mistook his daughter for his wife and engaged in some inappropriate touching, then Don tried to put a reassuring arm around her shoulder; it was hard to tell which touch creeped her out more! Betty tolerated Don's presence, and even though she made him sleep on the floor, she quite literally went crawling back to him during the night. Unfortunately for Don, the ice queen was back the next day, declaring "nothing has changed." Well, something must have changed for her — the way she indulged runaway Glen was downright creepy (BTW, there was way too much crunching from those chips during that lunch conversation. If actors are actually going to eat, somebody needs to tell the sound tech to back off. Yeesh!)

Pete's wife, Trudy, tried to talk him into adopting, but he was against it — as was his mother, who threatened to cut him out of her will if he took in some child "from the discards." Not that there's anything left to inherit, thanks to his late father squandering his fortune. (Brother Bud made it sound to their mother like dad lost it in the stock market.) Don unfairly booted Paul from a planned trip to Los Angeles, so hopefully we'll get to see how the fake ad man reacts to the even-more-fake L.A. scene.

THE AMAZING RACE kicked off in L.A. last week, and this week's installment was all about screwing up. Watching teams crash and burn before our eyes is a large part of the appeal of this unscripted competition series. No matter how loudly you yell at the TV, the silly team isn't going to turn around and see the clue box or the taxi stand or re-read the clue. (You have to just sit there and watch your favorites fail. Lucky, that wasn't the case for me, as Nick and Starr made it through to the next round. The geek in me cannot help but relate to geeky best friends Mark and Bill; they are making a big move in my book, as are the Southern Belles, Marissa and Brooke. It was funny how they rewarded (bribed?) the airline desk clerk with candy. Which reminds me: Points off to Nick for pimpin' his sister — he made her kiss the sailors helping them haul the boat to motivate them. It all seemed playful, but dude...your sister? I was also starting to warm up to Anthony and Stephanie; they took time out from obsessing over themselves to notice the squalor of the neighborhoods they were racing through. Clever editing juxtaposed their concern with several other teams marveling at the beauty of the beach they were roaring across in dune buggies. This edition now officially has a villainess: Tina, who demanded that everyone bow down to her after she took credit for the airline switching to a larger plane that allowed all the teams to board at the same time. (Somehow, I think the decision might have had more to do with the airline wanting to look good on U.S. TV than pleasing yet another loud-mouthed American tourist.) She actually went around to the other teams to demand tribute. And then she and Ken skated to the head of the boarding line, intending to sit in the front of the cabin. After all of that, they still ended up in the middle of the pack getting out of the airport.

During the Detour task, Terence and Sarah took quite a detour themselves, completely bypassing the taxi parking lot. They might still be wandering the streets had Dallas and Toni not taken pity on them. Nobody took pity on the other completely lost team: Kelly and Christy mixed up the challenge clues and actually started digging in the sand, looking for the "container" that was part of the task they weren't doing. (Somehow they failed to notice no one else was digging.) They vowed to read the clue more closely on the next leg. But didn't. They let their taxi go, so by the time they solved the puzzle, they had no transport to the pit stop! (Luckily, the taxi was in a holding area that the gals eventually located.) In the end, the obnoxious Tina and Ken won the leg, so I guess that was the thanks she got.

Friday night featured another new episode of LIFE. I'm really starting to get into the flow of this show. While the cases continue to be ho-hum, disposable stuff, I really like the dynamic between Crews and Reese, which, to this viewer, appears to not be relying on will-they/won't-they hook up tension to build an interesting relationship. Each seems to not even notice how attractive the other is. They're working a bad cop/wacky cop dynamic, with the gorgeous Sarah Shahi making a pretty convincing bad cop. She really projects a hostile persona, which ain't easy with a face like hers. Monday will bring yet another new episode, so we have that to look forward to.

October 2, 2008
My very favorite new show from last fall was PUSHING DAISIES, a whimsical fantasy series that can only be described as a modern fairy tale. It's utterly unlike anything else on TV, and I was sorry its freshman season was truncated by the writers' strike. In this series, humble pie-maker Ned has the power to bring the dead back to life with one touch. If he touches the reanimated dead again, they die forever. Ned revives his murdered lifelong crush, Charlotte "Chuck" Charles, but the would-be lovers can never touch again, or she will die for good. (Talk about a roadblock to romance!) Broadway's Jim Dale provides a narration track that strikes just the right balance — somewhere between Dr. Seuss andSteven King. Despite the downbeat themes of life and death, the series is relentlessly cheerful and fun, with a candy-colored palette that makes it look…well, whimsical. Last night's story about a honey factory was awash in a rich gold, orange and yellow color scheme that made the scenes look like honey had been poured over the camera lens.

Aside from the fun visuals, I'd like to compliment the acting and the writing. Olivia (Broadway's Kristin Chenowith) was spirited away to a nunnery, giving the show a chance to parody The Sound of Music's opening scene. Olive had to take a vow of poverty, which led to the funniest line of the week (seriously, I think I laughed for 10 minutes afterward): Olivia thought the Mother Superior had told her a porter would take care of her belongings, but what she really said was, "The poor will come for your belongings." Lo, and behold, local villagers appeared and carted off Olivia's stuff. (Great, I'm laughing again…) Next week promises the return of Ned's father, so there should be plenty of generational conflict.

If you have a Nielsen box, please consider giving this series a try. It's a show that needs loving care and viewer patience to thrive.

DIRTY SEXY MONEY was another casualty of the writers' strike. It also made a welcome return to ABC last night with the mission statement of being "dirtier, sexier and…well, money-er, I guess. And it succeeded admirably. It was easy to get back into the swing of the story: Nick George is the attorney for the richest — and most dysfunctional — family in New York. Nick inherited the job when his father, "Dutch" George, died in a plane crash due to foul play. The Darlings are rich enough to buy their way out of most scrapes, but they need Nick to pull the actual strings. And this season kicked off with Tripp and Patrick Darling asking for a doozy: Patrick's wife, Ellen, accidentally fell and died while enraged at her husband for cheating on her...with a transsexual.They asked Nick to create a cover-up, but he refused. Meanwhile, Patrick's sister Karen (Natalie Zea, ex-Gwen, PASSIONS) is sleeping with Tripp's rival, Simon Elder, and when Simon figures it out he offers to make her industrial-espionage mission easier by handing her his new invention. But Karen — previously a serial divorcee — realized she is starting to have feelings for Simon. Family or lover — how soapy is that? Karen has long had a crush on Nick, but actually managed to resist kissing him when he got drunk after seeing her brother Seth kissing his wife, Lisa. How soapy is that? The episode ended with a cliff-hanger: Letitia was arrested for Dutch's murder, leaving Nick with the quandary of whether to represent his surrogate mother who is charged with killing his biological father. How soapy is that?

October 1, 2008
It's tough not to get spoiled with my job, but every once in a while it happens, and when it does, it's good. Exhibit A: Last night's installment of THE SHIELD. Imagine my surprise to see GENERAL HOSPITAL's Robin, Kimberly McCullough, wielding a shotgun in a garage as she reprised her role as car thief Deena. Without Robin's pregnancy padding, she looked sleek and bad-ass while coming close to accidentally blowing away Vic and the boys. The last time I had Kimberly on the phone I actually intended to mention her previous appearances on THE SHIELD, but the conversation went in another direction, and as we were pressed for time, I never got the chance to circle back and talk about the FX series. I missed out on doing a story, but it worked out for Joe the fan in the end, because her appearance was a welcome surprise.

Kimberly was back in the next hour on GENERAL HOSPITAL: NIGHT SHIFT without the gat, but the emotional fusillade was even more powerful. Robin had to bring in her daddy after he collapsed. She was devastated by his prognosis and as he fought for his life in surgery she called her mother and finally told her Robert was in town. And he was not doing so well. The wonderful Finola Hughes made her NIGHT SHIFT debut with a powerfully emotional scene as Anna tried to comfort her daughter. The sequence when she visited Robert's room was intense: Anna Devane, international action woman, powerless to do anything more than reach out and tenderly brush Robert's cheek. The salad days of Robert and Anna were before my time, so I don't have golden memories of the duo. However, even I was moved by these scenes; the affection these characters share and the talent of portrayers Hughes and Tristan Rogers was amazing. "You've died plenty of times and we still can't get rid of you," she sighed. I felt like a lot of history was packed into wisecrack and meaningful look. "I'm scared," he confessed.

Never fear, the rest of the cast of was not neglected. Kyle and Claire had it out over her sleeping with his brother, and he resolved to move out. Kyle also finally confronted his brother about sleeping with his best friend. (How funny was it that Kyle was positioned a couple of steps below Leo on that staircase?) Leo admitted that he's falling in love with Saira, and afraid about ruining their relationship. Heavy stuff. But it wasn't all downer material: Eric flirted up a storm and pressed Kyle to confront being so involved with the lives of others. "Don't you think you deserve to be the star of your own drama?" he asked. Kyle admitted he still worries about being accepted by his parents (and the rest of the world). Emotional stuff. After Patrick brought Robert out of surgery, he told a tearful Robin and Anna, "I wish I could say it went better." It's hard to imagine how this episode could have gone better.

(P.S. Did you notice the commercials for the mothership, GENERAL HOSPITAL, stressed romance and kissing instead of gunplay and violence?)

The evening kicked off with 90210, which featured a big fashion show. Fashion shows on back-to-back nights — I wonder who the target audience for 90210 and GOSSIP GIRL is? There was also much talk and angsting about Kelly's baby-daddy, Dylan. She and Brenda bared the claws over the globe-trotting guy but didn't mix it in earnest. (Please tell me a proper catfight is on the way!) At least Dixon got off a solid punch when he defended Kelly's sister Silver's honor but cost her a modeling career. With Kelly obsessing over Dylan again, Brenda sank her claws into Ryan. (Did I mention a good, old-fashioned catfight would be nice?) Kelly decided to take a leave and pursue Dylan. She allowed Silver to stay at the house on her own. We don't need previews to predict the word "Party!" will pass through Silver's lips soon enough.

FRINGE offered a bit of a substandard episode this time out, but Walter Bishop was still fun to watch. This week's manifestation of the Pattern involved some kind of subterranean projectile and a bald guy with no eyebrows who watches the bullet-shaped device. But he's not called the Watcher — that character belongs to Marvel Comics - he's called the Observer. Totally different. In fact, unlike the Watcher, who is forbidden to interfere, the Observer is allowed to intervene in the affairs of a planet, as opposed to just…well, observing. As luck would have it, Walter just happened to have worked on Project: Thor, which tried to develop — wait for it! — an underground torpedo. (Is there anything he didn't research?) And there's more! Walter was also secretly acquainted with the Observer. In fact, in a moment of precious father/son bonding, Walter revealed that the mystery man had saved him and young Peter from drowning.

Walter gets more and more like the Doctor every week. His skewed disconnect from the world the rest of us perceive, as well as his perspective toward other people, is decidedly alien. Can somebody check him for two hearts, to make sure he isn't a Time Lord? No matter what secrets his father may be hiding, this was the episode in which Peter drank the Kool-Aid. "There are things happening that I can't begin to explain," he lamented. Then he was presented with his shiny new credentials identifying him as a "civilian consultant to the Department of Homeland Security." Maybe it will get him out of a few speeding tickets...

September 30, 2008
The theme of last night's GOSSIP GIRL was secrets — from the cool (Lily revealed she once modeled for photographer Richard Mapplethorpe, prompting Serena to declare, "You just became the coolest mom on the Upper East Side") to the destructive (Rufus found out that Jenny has been skipping school). Anger and revenge were also central tenets of the episode. Wearing his best scowl, Chuck manipulated Dan — who secretly (there's that theme again) mined Chuck's life for material for short stories — just because he was bored without Blair. (Line of the night: Dan to Chuck: "How do you know so many twins?") Dan's latest writing mentor encouraged him to learn the secret of Chuck, the "young Mephistopheles," and Dan thought he uncovered it; Chuck claimed his mother died giving birth to him, but later recanted.

Blair, meanwhile, was resenting Serena for not only usurping her throne with the girls at school, but daring to meet a new friend, socialite Poppy. Blair was so angry that she was willing to ruin her mother's fashion show just to spite Serena. And Jenny; Blair hates Little J as well. Over and over, Blair sabotaged the gala in an effort to show up her enemies, but things continued to work out for the best, culminating in Serena strutting down the catwalk in a dress designed by Jenny. (May I just halt the blog here for moment to point out how heart-stoppingly gorgeous Blake Lively looked in that green dress? Amazing!) I don't think we've ever seen Blair this evil — it was great!

"There are bad people out there. I feel like I should help."
— Claire

My favorite character on HEROES is H.R.G., hands-down. He is flat-out made of awesome, as the kids say nowadays. How brave do you have to be to walk, unarmed, into a den of super-powered villains who want your blood? Noah did it without hesitation. His motivation was partly to protect the world from the baddies, but also to bide his time and exact revenge on Sylar for threatening his daughter, Claire. Speaking of parents and offspring, do we believe Angela is really Sylar's mother? We know he had to have "special" parents, but it's all just too...well, incestuous to make everyone related to everyone else. Not to mention lame to keep making a secret-parent reveal over and over and over. (When will Parkman be revealed as Claire's crazy Uncle Matt?) Claire herself is currently motivated by a desire for revenge against the brain-sucker, as her birth mother, Meredith, forced her to admit. ("You have to save yourself before you can save the world," she advised.) Claire took off with her dad's files on the villains — but why didn't he take those with him to Poughkeepsie, N.Y.? BTW, Poughkeepsie is a real place in upstate New York. It used to be part of the vaudeville circuit back in the day. I thought the setting was interesting, juxtaposed against the revival movie house in Berlin, which was showing Buster Keaton movies. Hiro and Ando encounter our old friend the Haitian there; he was retrieving the other half of the formula that allegedly will destroy the world. And did you notice whom he got it from? It was dark, but that was definitely Olga Sosnovska, ex-Lena from ALL MY CHILDREN. (Funny how Bianca's old lover resurfaces just as word filters out that Binks herself is returning to Pine Valley.) And that was another AMC veteran, Ronald Guttman (ex-Alexander Cambias) as Dr. Zimmerman, the pediatrician who boasted that he "created" Tracy. It was nice to check in on Micah, but I'm glad to take him in small doses.

Did you notice how the Haitian did not seem at all upset about losing the formula to speedster Daphne? My personal theory is that the formula is not what is appears to be — Mr. Nakamura clearly wanted Hiro to remove his half from the safe, or he never would have tempted his son. Perhaps it is something harmless — or even some kind of cure for something, disguised as something dangerous?

My colleague Mala took time out of her life to proselytize about LIFE, so I figured I'd give it a shot. I watched one episode last season, and beyond being impressed with the integration of music into the storyline, I thought it was just a pedestrian procedural that relied on self-conscious eccentricity. Well, the eccentricity was still there last night, but the show seemed more self-assured than self-conscious. Clearly, the-powers-that-be had found their groove. The actual case was still just a MacGuffin that gave star Damian Lewis an excuse to act…unusually. This show relies totally on its stars to rope in viewers, so LIFE is lucky that Lewis and co-star/foil Sarah Shahi (ex-Carmen, THE L WORD) have charisma to burn. While Lewis is impressive as the oddball Det. Charlie Crews, I've seen the ol' Englishman-as-wacky-American bit from Hugh Laurie on HOUSE. The real revelation for me was Shahi, who is much more than just another pretty face; she can really act. No doubt this quality works equally well for her character, Det. Dani Reese. Donal Logue (ex-Chuck, ER) has been added to the cast as a transplanted New Yorker, and he works well. There's something slightly sleazy about Capt. Tidwell in general — and the way he dotes on Reese in particular. How long until the sexual-harrassment suit? Then again, Reese seems more likely to punch him in the throat than than file suit. LIFE moves to its regular time slot, Fridays at 10 p.m., this week.

September 29, 2008
I have been waiting for the return of THE AMAZING RACE, the Emmy winner for best reality series, because I find it the most genuinely exciting to watch. It's just like watching a sporting event; a true competition. Each team has to run like the devil because they almost never know where they stand in relation to any other team; they could be in first place or last. It's early yet, but I probably will be rooting for Nick and Starr, the brother/sister combo. Beekeepers Anita and Arthur were the first team eliminated. CBS is also the home of my second-favorite unscripted series, SURVIVOR, which just began its latest cycle in Gabon (thus the unwieldy official title, SURVIVOR: GABON — EARTH'S LAST EDEN). But before you assume I'm biased toward the Eye network, I absolutely despise BIG BROTHER above all other network offerings.

Since I gave up on TRUE BLOOD — the characters are all just too unlikeable — I needed a new 9 o'clock series, and along comes the new season of DEXTER. Perfect. I love this dark series about a forensics investigator who executes criminals who evade the long arm of the law. He's the world's most sympathetic serial killer. Dexter (Michael C. Hall, ex-Michael, SIX FEET UNDER) kicked off the third season by declaring, "Life is good," while his girlfriend, Rita, declared; "Everything is falling in place for the first time in my life." You can set your watch by such bad omens! Within moments Dex had bungled his latest execution bid and killed a stranger in self-defense. The stranger, one Oscar Prado, turned out the be the brother of a member of the sheriff's department and the new crusading ADA, Miguel Prado, played by Jimmy Smits, of the late, lamented CANE, as well as President Santoro from THE WEST WING. Smits looks to be a major player, and this season promises to be a good one, with Dexter on the defensive.

The death of Marilyn Monroe set the stage (and fixed the date as Aug. 6, 1962) for MAD MEN. The death of the icon hit the secretarial pool hard (especially Joan and Jane), but the guys hardly seemed to note the passing of the sex goddess. But perhaps that's because everyone was preoccupied with Freddy Rumsen peeing his pants and passing out in his office before a big presentation. Seems Freddy's drinking (His name's rum-sen, get it?) has finally gone beyond the pale and could interfere with Sterling Cooper's bottom line. So, with Freddy the butt of jokes all over the office, Roger decided to can him. Roger and Don took Freddy to dinner and lowered the boom. Then, in a uniquely '60s follow-up, the trio decided to "make a night of it" — meaning get plastered. In 2008, Don and Roger would at best be branded enablers and at worst sued for promoting the drinking problem that got Freddy canned. But the '60s were a more innocent time. Freddy was played by Joel Murray, who will always be George Calamari from One Crazy Summer to me, so he was a likeable guy, and it was easy to picture him knocking back a 5-martini lunch with clients. His good humor will be missed. I give the show credit for not ending with Freddy's suicide, because as tempting as it would have been to bookend Marilyn's death, it would have felt wrong.

Sort of like the trouble in Don and Betty's marriage feels wrong. The way Betty has descended into hopelessness leaves me wondering if some kind of major tragedy is on the horizon — perhaps something that parallels Marilyn's demise? When she was splayed out on the couch, the pose reminded me of MM. And the Draper marriage wasn't the only one in trouble: Roger took Don's "advice" to heart and left his wife — apparently for Jane! When faced with the guys parodying Freddy's problem, Don snapped, "Can't you find something else to do besides dining on the drama of other people's lives like a bunch of teenage girls?" He could well have been talking about us viewers devouring the dissolution of his marriage. But then, what would we watch on Sunday nights?

September 24, 2008
"Any life that's worth living is always gonna be just a little bit dangerous." — Robert Scorpio

GENERAL HOSPITAL: NIGHT SHIFT's season isn't over yet (and there's that huge reunion episode waiting in the wings), but I'm still going to go out on a limb and brand the latest installment Best. Episode. Ever. And we owe it all to the timely arrival of Kathleen Noone (ex-Edna, PASSIONS) as Patricia Julian, otherwise known to Leo and Kyle as Momma.

This week's episode was awash in emotion and did not hold back the tears. Talk about basic, old-fashioned soap opera! I don't think NS could have wedged in any more relationship drama anywhere. Patricia's presence was the catalyst for the brothers to air all their pent-up mutual resentments, inferiority complexes and petty jealousies. Wow, talk about issues! Both of them were "different" in different ways, but Patricia was so bent on loving them equally that she failed to see them as individuals. Robin and Robert had "the talk" they've been dancing around for weeks — he copped to his fathering mistakes and suggested that his being stingy with his love and approval are the reason Robin is freezing out Patrick. Seeing Tristan Rogers admit Robert's flaws with cold-eyed honesty as Robin teared up was a treat for longtime GH fans.

Right after opening another box of tissues, GH viewers doubtless wondered why these emotionally rich scenes did not play out on the parent show. It's fitting that Lando Calrissian himself, Billy Dee Williams, is on this show because, as Darth Vader noted, "The student has become the master." NIGHT SHIFT is showing GENERAL HOSPITAL how to tell soapy stories featuring characters viewers care about.

And when it comes to interesting characters, Australian actor John Noble is creating quite a compelling one on FRINGE. Dr. Walter Bishop sets the bar high for eccentricity, being by turns loopy, brilliant, callous, tender, disengaged, distracted, cold-hearted and dispassionate. I think of him as equal parts Willy Wonka without the social graces and the Doctor without his moral qualms. In other words, Walter's nuts — and I really enjoy seeing what outlandish thing he's going to say or strange contraption he's going to build next. Who else would self-medicate with homemade psychotic drugs. Blair Brown's Nina Sharp is another wacky character — in a much different way than Brown's neurotic titular character from THE DAYS AND NIGHTS OF MOLLY DODD — but much more confusing. As I've said before: What is her deal? Is she working with Broyles and crew or against them? It would appear her Massive Dynamics company does all sorts of unsavory things and then feels bad about it and turns over information about it so the task force can pull the plug. Joshua Jackson's Pacey...er, Peter is gradually proving his worth as a bridge to Walter's world, and this week we got a cryptic hint that his old life has not gone away. One thing has to change about this show: The team needs to investigate a case that doesn't stem directly from Walter's old research. This week it was the Ghostnet (a sort of psychic Internet). Weren't there any other mad scientists back in the day?

Speaking of "back in the day," 90210's Brenda and Kelly lamented how much high school has changed since their day. Which was kind of funny, since their new show is going out of its way to so closely ape the parent series. The characters and relationships are falling into dreadfully familiar patterns, and the stories are following well-trod paths. "Good girl" Annie is unrealistically good, while perceived "fast girl" Silver wants to take things slow with her new boyfriend. True, I don't remember Brandon slipping Brenda a condom all those years ago, but I do recall the show making a big deal out of Donna's...er, innocence. (Innocence being something in way short supply in 2008.) My favorite line of the night was Silver's clueless "What's an AFTERSCHOOL SPECIAL?" query. Featured parents Harry and Debbie are too cool to get mad, and instead rely on relating to their children — who have been "taught better than that." If this was 1993, Adriana would have had a drinking problem instead instead of an (implied) pill habit, but Brenda still would have "been there" for her (but as a peer, of course.) The one brilliant innovation is Jessica Walter's sublime Tabitha. I'm breathlessly awaiting a shout-out to Play Misty for Me. And if Tabby busts out a boozy story about Clint Eastwood, I will insist she be given her own spin-off immediately.

September 23, 2008
On GOSSIP GIRL, it was the first day of school at West Beverly — er, I mean, the Constance Billard School for Girls and St. Jude's School for Boys — and Blair Waldorf was deciding who would live and who would die — er, I mean, who would be accepted into her ruling social clique. Hopeful candidates submitted application packages and submitted to personal interviews. More importantly to viewers, Dan and Serena had to decide how to behave when seeing each other at school. The answer: not well. Dan quickly fell in with transfer student Amanda, whom Blair dubbed "Dan with boobs." She was a seemingly perfect match for Dan. Too perfect. Turned out Chuck hired Amanda to seduce (at least socially — but this was Chuck) Dan in order to rattle stepsister Serena and shake up Blair's delicate social hierarchy. Chuck loves it when a plan comes together — and this one sure did — but I'm not exactly sure how he knew that not only would Serena step in and claim Blair's Queen B crown, but Isabel and Katy would follow her — leaving Blair on the outside looking in.

Poor Blair. She had it rough last night, what with learning that her royal boyfriend, Marcus, was sleeping with his stepmother, the duchess (who was also sleeping with Nate and, apparently, everyone except her husband), thanks to a prying Vanessa's photographic evidence. Blair icily assured Vanessa that she'd take care of it — and to stay out of it. But when Vanessa spotted Blair with Marcus and assumed they were still canoodling, she spilled the beans to the duke, ruining it for everyone, especially any chance she might have had with Nate.

HEROES kicked off its third season with back-to-back episodes. Sylar resumed his quest to amass as many cool powers as possible, so he set his sights on Claire. The fiend sliced off the top of her head and rooted around in her brain until he absorbed her power. At last, we know precisely what Sylar does with the brains of his victims; he doesn't eat them, he literally pokes around inside them with his fingers. Then he allowed Claire to heal, noting that she cannot die and is so "special" that he could not kill her if her tried! That skull session sent Claire into a tailspin, as it took away her ability to feel pain — the only thing she believed made her feel halfway human. She resumed trying to kill herself on video to see whether she could feel anything...but was rescued from an oncoming train by FuturePeter.

FuturePeter traveled to the present from a dystopian world four years from now. He planned to avert the events that led to his reality by stopping his brother, Nate, from revealing the exist of Heroes. But the best-laid plans of mice and scarred, brooding would-be superheroes often go awry. Peter's mucking around in the timestream created a new, uncertain future. Not that the present is any picnic, either. When the season resumed, Nikki/Jessica is calling herself "Tracy" and has freezing powers; Nate decides to accept an appointment to the Senate and is taking advice from Linderman's ghost; Mohinder is experimenting with his blood (and Maya); Parkman is lost in Africa; Hiro is battling a super-fast young woman for possession of a formula that Kaito insists could end the world. And, the most immediate problem, a dozen superpowered bad guys escaped from Level 5 at the Company, and are in the real world, eager to cause chaos. Oh, well, at least Sylar was caught. Emphasis on was, until futurecasting Rose got involved.

Things I loved:
•Elle returned. Hands-down, the best character from last season was Elle, the electrically charged Daddy's girl who lived for her father's approval. The charming Kirsten Bell (ex-Veronica, VERONICA MARS) keeps Elle from appearing cloying and annoying. And she finally got to take down Sylar.

•HRG kicks ass. He doesn't have any powers — unless you count being fearless as a power. That's just how he rolls.

Things I didn't like:
•Mohinder gets powers. It's vitally important to have human characters not only to keep the stories relatable to us regular folks, but to keep the superpowered characters grounded. What's cool about Ando is that he's Hiro's human sidekick, not his crime-busting equal, and their interplay was fun in the first season. Separating Hiro and Ando was one of the biggest mistakes of season two.

•Powers for all: The idea that everybody has a specific innate power waiting to be activated is interesting on paper; unlocking them is not. Powers are something special that should not be cheapened. If everybody is special, then nobody is.

•Rose is Sylar's mother. Why does everyone have to be related? It wastes that most precious commodity in a fantasy series: the audience's willing suspension of disbelief. I'll accept people with strange abilities far beyond those of mortal men, but not only is Claire secretly Nate's daughter, Nate has a secret brother? Who's the distillation of evil?

Don't. Just...don't.