October 31, 2008
LIFE ON MARS was actually...well, kinda…sweet last night. Sam ran into the 1973 version of his mother, Rose, played by Jennifer Ferrin (ex-Jennifer, AS THE WORLD TURNS). What an odd coincidence, that Ferrin should guest in prime time on the same day that ATWT was featuring flashbacks to Jennifer's marriage and death, eh? Seems Rose got in trouble with a loan shark connected to a local gangster who was paying off cops, so Sam took it upon himself to investigate (and carefully avoid contact with his younger self).

The best sequence of the night came when Sam put aside the police work to indulge his wish to just spend more time with his mother. He sat at her table, staring lovingly at her and gazing longingly at his old Tinkertoys. When he serenely asked her, "How are you?" Jason O'Mara's face expressed Sam's love and devotion beautifully. His eyes were filled with a sloppy mix of yearning, regret, pain and nostalgia. This was his mother the way she really was, not how he perceived her as a child. He was able to appreciate her as strong and determined to protect her family. Ferrin played "Rose Tyler" as earnest and sincere, but with rough edges that while clearly sanded down, were still evident (and not just in her Brooklyn accent). Policewoman Annie dismissed Sam's mommy yammering as sublimated Oedipal yearnings to sleep with his mother — which predictably revolted him. But but when mobster moll Adrienne dosed Sam with LSD, he did hallucinate having sex with Rose. But then again, he also imagined little robots crawling out of his mouth. Later, when Sam and the boys busted the gangster club, he spotted his mother there, because she was intending to...uh, work off her debt.The disillusionment and embarrassment in Sam's tear-filled eyes was utterly devastating. This was a great night for O'Mara.

The episode also showed a willingness to wink at the audience, with cameo appearances by '70s hipsters "Jim Croce" and "Joe Namath." But even funnier, Michael Imperioli was allowed import one of Paulie Walnuts' frequent lines from when he would spot Tony on THE SOPRANOS: "There he is!" When Ray saw Sam, he called out, "There he is, the man of the hour." The night's clue to Sam's disposition in 2008 came via a glimpse of a dude wearing a Nirvana T-shirt while the sounds of a hospital respirator were heard. But those pesky little robots also appeared.

I figured it was time to check in on SMALLVILLE once again, where intrepid news photographer Jimmy Olsen captured a blurry photo of the "Good Samaritan" who was rescuing people and vowed to put a face on the smudge. When Jimmy stopped by the Kent farm to share his theory that the Samaritan went to Smallville High, he realized that the hero's career paralleled Clark's movements — and that Clark himself had "hero potential." And a tendency to wear red and blue, just like the blurry hero in his photo. Jimmy's eyes grew wide and his mouth hung open as he realized, "It's you." Clark denied it and ran to Chloe. Jimmy soon followed, begging to be let in on the secret. "I guess I'll have to prove it," he resolved. This echoed a staple plotline of the comic books, especially Lois' solo title, Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane, in which she spent much of the late 1950s-early '60s attempting to suss out the Man of Steel's secret identity, and prove that Clark was Superman. She would constantly dream up bizarre schemes to force Clark to act as Superman and blow his cover. But though there weer some close calls, he never did. On SMALLVILLE, Lois got to know the newest Planet reporter, Sebastian Kane, who immediately hit on her (then again, who wouldn't?). Kane had the secret ability to steal memories, and was secretly sent by Tess Mercer to learn if Lois had stolen the Kryptonian crystal. Lois preparing for her date set up a scene in which Clark was embarrassed to zip the pneumatic Lois into her skintight red dress. The byplay between Tom Welling and Erica Durance this season has been fun to watch.

I have also enjoyed watching the groundwork being layed for Clark to eventually adopt his costumed identity. Clark told Ollie that maybe his role is to "give people hope; someone to believe in." After J'onn J'onzz — sorry, Martian Manhunter — lectured him about the need for secrecy last week, Chloe broached the subject of adopting an alias to protect his identity, like Oliver's Green Arrow. Speaking of Oliver (played by PASSIONS' ex-Fox, Justin Hartley), Clark berated him for drinking too much and tossing aside his GA leathers. Clark also lamented the fact that, "I can't mindwipe the people who already know my secret" — an obvious reference to the recent Identity Crisis comic book series. Clark enlisted Oliver to protect his identity in a manner similar to the way Clark donned green leather to preserve Oliver's secret. When Jimmy was conveniently mugged, Oliver saved him in an outfit with a cape. As Ollie perched on a ledge above an American flag with his cape flapping in the breeze, Clark noticed the way people were mesmerized by the image. Hopefully, that gave him an idea, LOL. Buying the ruse, Jimmy nevertheless suggested that Clark is the kind of guy people can count on, whether they are strangers or friends — he's always there for them. Furthering the lessons, Lois claimed she didn't tell Clark she was working Kane undercover in order to protect him. And, after being saved by the Samaritan twice, she's a true believer, and vowed to track down the hero. "I won't stop until I land the first worldwide exclusive interview," she chirped. "Watch me." Somehow, I think she'll get it.

Did you catch the joke lines?
• The "Faster than a speeding bullet" headline above the photo?
•Oliver mentioned going to a summit of friends in Europe who like to dress up and kick butts. (Justice League Europe, anyone?)
•And the coup de grace: Oliver snorting that he's "not the party boy on lost rum-soaked weekends" or "a multinational corporate titan." Take that, Tony Stark/Iron Man!

October 28, 2008
I've been missing GOSSIP GIRL for the past few weeks due to a succession of circumstances beyond my control, so I eagerly settled in for last night's installment. Either I totally forgot how sexy this series is, or last night was simply an unusual bumper episode of wall-to-wall provocativeness. Events got off to a rousing start with Blair…er, taking matters into her own hands when she became frustrated by a lack of attention from Chuck. The scene shifted to new character Agnes insisting that Nate is "into" Jenny (as if). Serena asked Dan to advise Blair on her conflict with Chuck. Mr. Bass demanded that Blair admit she loves him before they could hook up; but she insisted such an admission would mean Chuck "wins." (Yes, this pretty gal was cutting off her nose to spite her face!) Dan suggested she simply get underfoot and swamp Chuck with temptation. But Chuck resisted her flaunted charms until her charm became desperation that actually turned him off. Meanwhile, Serena took a shine to a precocious artist named Aaron, and Little J fell into the posse of Agnes, the young model played by cutie Willa Holland (ex-Kaitlin, THE O.C.). Agnes convinced Jenny she could make it on her own as a designer, so Little J took her designs back from Eleanor and walked — make that strutted — out the door. While little sister Jenny was making a friend out of Agnes, Dan was making an enemy out of Chuck by tossing a spanner in the works that spoiled his chances with Blair, leaving the fallen Queen B in tears and Bass fuming. And then Dan himself was left alone when Serena suddenly remembered she knew Aaron when they were kids in Europe. In fact, she "married" him in a play ceremony by Lake Geneva. Well, who saw that one coming?

I have also fallen woefully behind on HEROES (due to those same extenuating circumstances). Joining our story already in progress, I discovered that Claire can no longer feel pain; Elle can no longer control her electrical powers; and the Petrelli patriarch (Arthur) is no longer dead and wants to take over the world. A friend of mine has been strolling around the Weekly offices quoting Han Solo, and it seems appropriate here: "I'm out of it for a little while, and everyone gets delusions of grandeur."

But it wasn't hard for me to get up to speed and then hang on — because stuff happened this week! Arthur killed Matt's dad, Morrie, between bouts of sucking the powers out of people (can Maya please go far away now?); Claire and Elle set off for Pinehurst, where Arthur is located, to see if they could have their powers "tweaked"; Sylar/Gabriel set out to rescue Peter from their father; HRG and Meredith set out to rescue Nathan and Tracy from Mohinder's experiments; and Knox set out to kill Daphne and Matt. We saw Matt and Daphne die — except we didn't. Matt used his "brain mojo thing" to fake the scene. Whew! The sequence with Claire and Elle on the airplane was pretty harrowing, but I kept yelling at my TV for Claire to punch out Elle rather than waste time talking her down. Elle had the night's best line: "It's nice to know you're as messed up as I am." Robert Forster is magnificently slimy as Arthur Petrelli. It's hard to know when he's lying. Did Angela really try to drown the infant Gabriel? And which parent is really the bad parent?

Speaking of bad, MY OWN WORST ENEMY is a difficult show to like. The premise — Edward is a superspy with a computer chip in his head that transforms him into a clueless family man named Henry because…well, never mind why — is kind of interesting but limiting. I can think of, oh, about six or seven good ideas for this situation, and then it becomes repetitive. I've always liked Christian Slater as an actor (though for me, he'll never top his high-water mark in Heathers), and Madchen Amick (TWIN PEAKS's erstwhile Shelly) is coming off a nice turn as GOSSIP GIRL's Catherine, so the cast is fine. But the premise is such a high concept that it makes virtually no sense. It's bad enough that the assassin personality is paired with Mr. Mom (Why — for laughs?), but the chip that flips them is faulty, leading to the kind of goofy hijinks you only see on TV when the boys swap places at the darndest times! I enjoy the device of Henry/Edward leaving each other video messages via cell phone, but I hate the way the choppy editing skips around the story. Take last night's episode: Edward is set up to take Henry's daughter dress shopping, but a mission comes up so he tells the little girl they have to do some errands first. Then...nothing — no mission, no protecting the kid and hiding his secret. Heck, not even any shopping! Later, the Henry personality manifests just as Edward is about to parachute into a hot zone on a mission — but Henry doesn't know how to skydive (cue audience guffaws!) Cut to: Henry safely on the ground. Huh? This kind of elliptical editing may mimic the way Edward/Henry experience life, but it's not good storytelling.

I'll tell you which life is good storytelling — LIFE. Looking back a few days to another NBC show, I was stunned at the turn LIFE took in its "Did You Feel That?" episode. Tidwell kissed Reese! Reese kissed Tidwell! Talk about the Earth moving! Knockout Sarah Shahi locking lips with…uh, regular guy Donal Logue — it's enough to give hope to...uh, regular guys everywhere…

October 24, 2008
ELEVENTH HOUR is the latest entry in the genre I've started calling Technical Adviser Procedurals. Pair an FBI agent with an expert in an unorthodox field, and you get ELEVENTH HOUR, FRINGE, BONES, NUMB3RS and CHUCK (because CIA agents count). This particular series features Rufus Sewell (JOHN ADAMS' Alexander Hamilton) as Dr. Jacob Hood, who describes himself thusly: "I'm kind of a science guy for the FBI." He's too modest; Dr. Hood is a polymath, an expert in many fields, who is called in to advise the FBI on cases involving the abuse of science and technology. He is partnered with FBI Special Agent Rachel Young (Marley Shelton). The series is adapted from a 2006 four-episode British series that starred STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION's Patrick Stewart as Professor Ian Hood, and Ashley Jensen — yes, UGLY BETTY's snarky Christine — as his government bodyguard, Rachel Young.

In last night's story, Hood investigates when families are mysteriously poisoned and left paralyzed. He discovers the people have been "colonized" by a fungus developed by a giant agro-corporation. Hood has an encyclopedic knowledge of fungi, including what it looks like and the legend of how it got its name back in medieval France. After one of the company scientists apparently commits suicide by scorpion in a cheap motel room, Hood realizes the company tried to combine mutant fungus with scorpion venom, which normally only attacks insects, to create a "green" pesticide. But the venom was triggered when the victims consumed food coloring, which contains insect parts.

Overall, ELEVENTH HOUR plays more like HOUSE (if House ever got out of the...er, "house") than FRINGE or TORCHWOOD. The hour was a bit slow-moving, but perhaps that was because there was no "ticking clock" on the lives of the endangered families. (And, c'mon, the show is called ELEVENTH HOUR, so I'm expecting a last-second save!) Englishman Sewell affects a generic American accent and plays Hood as tightly-wound and reserved, but eager to jump in with long-winded and incredibly detailed explanation for phenomena. (Hey, sounds like the guy who writes this blog…) It's a bit hard to connect to Hood, because he seems cold and distant. His partner, Rachel, also has an icy vibe — despite being played by the hot Shelton, of Sin City and Grind House fame. I'm willing to give it another look, but the next case better not be a medical mystery. If there's only room in your TV-viewing schedule for one series about weird science, go for FRINGE.

SUPERNATURAL took what could have been a pedestrian plotline — ghost-hunter Dean gets personally haunted — and twisted it just enough to make it fresh, interesting and funny. Dean suffered from "Ghost Sickness." The sickness causes the victim to grow progressively more frightened and agitated until his heart gives out. As a result, the ever-more-timid Dean was useless in tracking down the ghost. It occurred to me that if Dean had been strongly sedated, he would have been kept safe. But then again, there wouldn't have been a story. And that would have been a shame, because the episode was packed with more than the usual compliment of laugh lines (My fave came from Dean: "We hunt monsters. You know who does that? Crazy people!") Sierra McCormick returned to play Lilith in Dean's hallucination, and she was quite impressive and menacing.

The episode ended with a little treat for fans: hilarious blooper-reel footage of Ackles lip-syncing to "Eye of the Tiger." Check it out on YouTube here. DAYS OF OUR LIVES' Eric never did anything like that!

I could not resist checking in with the pathetic Fang tribe on SURVIVOR: GABON — EARTH'S LAST EDEN, because the promos showed Sugar giving the Immunity Idol to Ace. Would that be a mistake? There were a couple of big developments, the main being the continued disintegration of Fang. The back-biting is getting intense as starvation begins to take its toll. Sugar was sent to Exile Island for the fourth time, where she wept over eating an array of fruit while her tribe-mates starved back at camp. But she wasn't the only one who turned on the waterworks. Crystal started crying after losing the Reward Challenge, and the rest of Fang turned on her like the weak antelope in the herd. She insisted her tears did not betray weakness, but the others — Kelly in particular — would have none of it. Ironic, then, that Kelly ended up getting the boot when Fang predictably bumbled the Immunity Challenge. Tribal Council was contentious, prompting Jeff to point out Fang members were finally showing some emotion. There's no crying in baseball, but apparently there is crying in SURVIVOR.

Other cracks were apparent, too. Dan irked the rest of Kota by taking more than his share of food, and Randy openly gloated and tormented Fang after Kota won croissants and Danish to eat in front of the losers. I'm waiting for the outrage when people find out Kota cooked a turtle. Matty and Ace forged an alliance, with Matty swearing on his girlfriend to protect Sugar, and Ace swearing on his mother's life not to vote out Ken. Four could be a powerful voting block after the merge, but will everyone play along? We shall see…

October 23, 2008
I would expect nothing less than a Battleship Potemkin reference from the opening of PUSHING DAISIES. (What, you thought I was going to say The Untouchables? Coulda been, but Brian DePalma got that idea from Sergei Eisenstein.) And I should have expected nothing less than the offbeat choice of Debra Mooney (ex-Edna, EVERWOOD) to play Emerson Cod's mother. She was a brassy broad with a mouth like a 1940s femme fatale "and an appetite for hooch." Mooney clicked perfectly with Chi McBride's Emerson during their hilarious "kalashni-cod" synchronized interrogation technique. We got some real insight into Emerson's character as he confronted his mother and admitted that despite being a private eye, he cannot track down his missing daughter. Chuck and Olive also confronted their issues after moving in together and then getting locked inside a locker. So lots of old wounds were confronted. Good stuff.

As for the week's murder mystery, we met the formaldehyde-bloated corpse of Joe, a former Frescort from My Best Friend Inc., an escort service which rented "friends." As she did in the season premiere, Chuck went undercover by applying for a job — this time accompanied by Olive. There, they encountered the perky Barb (played by HEROES' ex-Monica, Dana Davis.) The funniest bit of the night — even better than the colorful character name "Buddy Amicus" (look it up) as the head of the escort service — was seeing Randy Mann's "hobby." He taxidermied animals in whimsical poses, like a bear in a tutu and bunnies reenacting the Nativity. I also loved the flashback to the attack of the Spartan-themed school mascot, because it was filmed to mimic the slow-motion/speeded-up editing of the movie 300. I also really liked Chuck's idea of a thank-you present.

The latest installment of DIRTY SEXY MONEY found Nola banging Jeremy while preparing to prosecute his mother for killing Nate's father — as Nate prepared to defend Jeremy's mother from charges of killing his own father. And Nola's star witness was to be Nate's mother, to whom Nate had not spoken in 30 years. So, basically, nothing sordid there.

Karen could not stop babbling about Nick, much to the chagrin of Darling rival Simon Elder, who urged her to have it out with Nick once and for all. She went to his place, but encountered Nick's wife, Lisa, instead. What followed was a fine scene that served as a sort of verbal catfight, but one that turned on biting remarks and didn't leave bite marks. Both women realized that they were in danger of "losing" Nick to his job as Darling family lawyer.

Nick, meanwhile, flew to France to confront his mother, who initially wanted nothing to do with him. But mention of the granddaughter she never knew she had soon melted her heart, and she got into it with her estranged son. She claimed she couldn't handle New York high society, and leaving was the best thing for Nate. "Why didn't you take me with you?" he blurted out, sounding to all the world like a lost child. "I'm sorry," she sobbed. Eventually, Nick realized, "Every day that I didn't have a mother, you didn't have a son." This story of maternal neglect contrasted with brother Brian's tale of tracking the mother of his child to Brazil, where she absconded with their son. Andrea (played by TWIN PEAKS' Laura Palmer, Sheryl Lee) was so determined to make her own way in the world for herself and her son that she refused to even cash Brian's massive support checks. When Nick returned to New York, he confronted Letitia, who insisted she loved him like a son when he came to the family at age 6 after his mother walked out. It was ironic that of all the Darling children, Nick was the one who seemed to need her most. Letita embraced him, and he hugged her back, unable to figure out what to make of the long day's events.

But I figure it was all classic soap, from the revelation of hidden betrayals in years gone by to Simon Elder reporting to some mystery person, to Jeremy and Nola's secret trysts. This is what the show is about: dirt, sex and money!

October 22, 2008
Okay, let's get it out in the open right away: Last week's episode of GENERAL HOSPITAL: NIGHT SHIFT was better. But that doesn't mean last night's was poor; far from it. I enjoyed the "wrapping up" aspect of the story. (I was one of the people who didn't mind the...uh, leisurely closing of Return of the King.) This felt like everyone clarifying relationships and saying goodbye after summer camp. I liked the show putting a bow on things and tying off relationships, because while I don't mind being strung along, I hate being left hanging!

I liked that the show dealt with the explosion quickly and then moved on. The best part was integrating Patrick and Jagger defusing the bomb with Saira flatlining. Let the parent show revel in violence; this series is about emotion. And there was plenty of that on display in all the stories, but especially the Scorpio clan. I knew it was going to be touching when Robin mentioned the clinical trial in Switzerland. (Eric went to a trial in Portland — gee, maybe GH should start hosting clinical trials!) And poor Robin had to go from sitting vigil over her father to worrying about gal pal Saira. Leo took the chance to turn on the waterworks again, as the man of science appealed to faith in the face of death. His prayers were answered — but only sort of. Saira lived, but she chose to go on living without him in her life. ("I forgive you, but I can't be with you," she said. Can a line be any soapier?) I was glad Leo's brother, Kyle, shared a rapproachment. Kyle also made up with Claire, but it seemed like a bit of a cop-out to make her resign and then return. (Are intern programs that easy to drop in and out of?)

Patrick found it easy enough to leave the chief of staff job behind (He hated it anyway), because it meant more time with Robin. Jagger will be spending less time with Robin or Saira, since he moved back to San Francisco to fight for custody of Stone. (The child's mother never was named, but at least we know she isn't Brenda, because Jagger told Robin she doesn't know the mother. Unless he was lying....) He promised to make good on their vow to raise their children together. Toussaint decided to reconnect with his secret son, and Epiphany encouraged Jagger to reconnect with her.

The real emotional stinger of the episode came courtesy of Robert and Anna. They had their grand scene in which Tristan Rogers delivered the perfect line, "Oh, I do love you," and she replied, "I love you, too." Like Frosty the Snowman, he promised Robin that he would be back again someday "for a nice, long visit." But he decided to go to Switzerland alone. He left her a terse note, and she understood not to follow. As Robin embraced her tearful mother, it encapsulated all the pent-up emotion of the storyline. And ending the series with Robin and Patrick getting busy on his desk was the perfect bookend to the series, which began with them canoodling on a couch. Well done, NIGHT SHIFT. I hope to see you again next year.

THE SHIELD is really gaining momentum now. With Shane outed for putting a hit on Ronnie (in a high-tension sequence that had me on the edge of my seat), and Vic resigning so he can hunt down his old friend himself, anyone who doesn't think this is all going to end very badly over the course of the final five episodes has not been paying attention.

I am envisioning an end for Vic and company that will be even bloodier than the Holly's Diner massacre that opened last night's episode of FRINGE. (I wasn't the only one who was reminded of Dr. Destiny's rampage in issue No. 6 of Neil Gaiman's "Sandman" comic book, was I?) After Emily Kramer mentally microwaved the eatery patrons and then went all Scanners and her head blew up, the task force arrived. Walter was in fine form from his first scene, brutally jamming a common meat thermometer into one corpse's ear (nice sound effect!), then requesting a bowl of the same french onion soup that sat uneaten on the lunch counter. Ah, to be an eccentric genius...

FRINGE upped the gore factor by showing Emily's corpse sans head from the neck up (take that, CSI!), but the harshest scene had to be the execution of Mr. Papaya. In order to demonstrate how Emily used radiation to boil her victims from the inside out, Walter dressed up a papaya with Mr. Potatohead features like a face, then zapped him, resulting in Mr. Papaya exploding. To be fair, Walter did feel bad about blasting "the friendliest of the fruits," but his "goo-ification" proved his theory that an implanted capsule of Strontium 90 had turned Emily into a weapon.

The person responsible — though his intentions remained somewhat murky — was the wealthy David Esterbrook, played by the excellent Chris Eigemann. (Allow me to digress here to recommend watching Eigeman's work in director Whit Stillman's under-appreciated "Urban Haute Bourgeoisie" trilogy, Metropolitan, Barcelona and The Last Days of Disco.) Did you notice the Observer in the background the first time Olivia met Esterbrook? I would love to see Esterbrook return (with cute-but-twisted Dr. Sarnoff once more by his side) to menace Liv and the task force again. (Hey, can Broyles give this task force a name, please?)

While the plot was a big improvement over last week's, the real value of the episode was the insight into Olivia's character. This case occurred on her birthday, when she dreaded the pending arrival of a card from her stepfather because, as she explained to Peter, when she was 9 years old she shot her drunken stepfather for abusing her mother — but didn't kill him. Now she views that as a mistake, and her stepfather as the symbol of evil in the world — a role he delights in, as evidenced by the annual cards. Later, when Broyles questioned Liv's public grandstanding, she vociferously (well, for her) defended her "emotional" approach to her work, claiming it makes her a better FBI agent because she empathizes with victims. She challenged Broyles to fire her, but he warned it wouldn't be that easy.

And let's not forget the developments for Peter: Nina Sharp revealed that she and Walter were "quite close" when Peter was young. (Cue the "Nina is Peter's mother!!!" hysteria.) I liked that Peter has started to notice a pattern to the Pattern (namely, repeated instances of human guinea pigs) and wondering if mankind is being "prepared" for something. Hmmm....

October 20, 2008
MAD MEN showed us an intriguing new Don Draper — one who was not the personification of cool. In a flashback, we saw "Don" confronted by the real Don Draper's widow, Anna, who unmasked him as Dick Whitman. John Hamm made this floppy-haired version of Don/Dick fearful and hesitant; terrified that Anna would blow the whistle on him. As he desperately proffered an automobile title and apartment lease as "proof" of his legitimacy, he seemed hesitant and lost, like a child. Then the scene switched to the present, where Don was more confidant, yet still rattled by the loss of Betty, so he's still not the Brylcreemed master of the universe we've come to admire. But even a wounded Don is still "Don." Later, we saw another flashback, in which Dick, lost in a "lavender haze," told Anna about wanting to marry Betty. Hamm played him borderline giddy — and this all-smiles, energetic guy with jerky body language was yet another version of Don/Dick. However, all that enthusiasm and hope was gone by the present, when a dejected Don confessed to Anna, "I ruined everything." And was that a look of acceptance and release as Don baptized himself in the dirty (yet cleansing) waters of the Pacific? (This episode will no doubt be on Hamm's Emmy reel.)

Back at Sterling Cooper, the partners mulled a merger with an English firm. "Putnam, Powell & Lowe have offered to put a lot of marmalade on your toast," Roger chortled to Bert as his way of supporting the merger bid. "There'll be diamonds on the doorknobs." Well, who could turn that down, right? Meanwhile, Pete put his foot down, telling Trudy they are not going to adopt. That came back to haunt him when his father-in-law pulled the Clearasil account in retaliation. Getting even darker, dashing Dr. Greg forced himself on fiancée Joan in Don's office. On the homefront, Betty punished Sally for trying to smoke, then cruelly tormented Sarabeth for sleeping with Arthur — who called Betty cruel (just like Sally did). That seemed to get through to Betty, who bought Sally some expensive riding boots and confessed she's having trouble with her father.

I wanted to mention one last thing about Don's encounter with Anna: She read his tarot cards. I was very hopeful when she asked him to touch the deck — this is an important part of any reading, because it allows the Querent (the person seeking guidance) to imprint his personal energy on the deck. Most readers will request the client shuffle the deck, but merely touching it can be enough. Then Anna laid out a proper Celtic Cross spread, and I was getting excited. But the interpretation left a little to be desired. She said, "The only thing keeping you from being happy is the belief that you are alone." But she correctly pointed out that he can take action to control his own destiny. Now, I don't want to get bogged down in a long explanation of the entire spread, but I looked it over, and it actually seemed much more positive to me. The Sun is a very hopeful card that indicates a person will get their "day in the sun," so to speak, triumphing over darkness, especially after a long struggle; it means plans are going to work out for the best. (Sounds like Don most of the time, right?). Significantly, its position in the layout indicates the Querent's goals and desires. The World signifies that…well, the world is his oyster — it portends a plan finally coming together. It also indicates great success in business. Finally, to top it all off, the card that predicts the "outcome" (but which was not mentioned by Anna) was the Eight of Wands. It, too, indicates a positive outcome to plans and urges the Querent to strike will the iron is hot. It could also indicate travel (as in flying back to New York?) and/or receiving important news. Taken as a whole, this was an extremely positive reading; Don has a lot of happiness to look forward to. However, we all know what happens to happy characters on soaps.

Now let's do a little time-hopping ourselves, moving all the way back to Friday, Oct. 17, 2008. Remember those days? The weather was warm, gasoline cost $3.26 a gallon, and a nation turned its eyes to GHOST WHISPERER. Okay, maybe that was me more than the entire nation. And, okay, I'll admit that I originally tuned in to Friday's GHOST WHISPERER because I wanted to see Jennifer Love Hewitt dressed as a sexy gaming avatar, but the story went off in an unexpected direction and became about cyberstalking young women. There was plenty of good-quality CGI, but the episode also stood out for featuring former GUIDING LIGHT star Tom Pelphrey as Brian, the predator who took compromising photos of teenage girls. In this case, he targeted Alise, played by Vanessa Marano (ex-April, GILMORE GIRLS). Also featured were PORT CHARLES' former Gabby, Ion Overman, as police officer Sam Blair, and 24's Raphael Sbarge as Alise's dead daddy/guardian ghost, Larry. Pelphrey doesn't appear onscreen until the final 15 minutes, but he makes an impression. He turns on the charm as the stalker. When Brian lured Alise into his car, clean-cut Pelphrey was the picture of subtle, oily manipulation, but I could still see that Jonathan-like intensity in his hand gestures and teeth-clenching. Brian looked Alise up and down like a starving man looks at apple pie. His trademark volatility was mostly reined in, but his voice was duly menacing. It was a nice, villainous performance that should get him more work.

Computers also figured prominently in Friday's LIFE, which dealt with an IM relationship gone sour and culminating in murder with the body ending up flattened in a junkyard car-crusher. But the predator/victim tables were turned in this story. The killer was played by Maeve Quinlan (ex-Megan, BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL). Her character, Lynn, pretended to be her nubile young daughter in IM conversations. When the suitor was disappointed to meet Lynn, the cougar killed him with a tennis racket.

More important than the murder mystery was the series mythology, which got a workout this week. Charlie got one step closer to people who set him up when the widow of a cop who was eliminated by the conspiracy identified one as "Mickey Raybourne." Also, Rachel suddenly started talking — but to Jack Reese! Charlie realized that Jack has been protecting Rachel from "Them," and the elder Reese is in over his head, but there's no way he's going to accept Charlie's help getting out of it.

Charlie still maintains a smoking-hot relationship with his ex-wife, Jennifer. The casting director really struck gold pairing Damian Lewis with Jennifer Siebel. The sequence in the storage locker, where the divorced couple tried not to think about their old mattress propped up against the wall was…well, yowza. And the only physical contact in the scene was her handing him the key to the locker. Charlie's partner, Dani Reese (played by the wonderful Sarah Shahi) has an encounter of a very different sort when Tidwell finally gets bold enough to bluntly ask her out for a drink. Too bad a) He's her boss, and b) She's in the program, making the suggestion a doubly bad idea. (Thus I'm taking wagers on when exactly it will happen!)

October 17, 2008
It was no surprise that SUPERNATURAL turned in another outstanding "theme" episode, this one paying tribute to the classic "Universal Monsters" Dracula, Wolf Man and the Mummy. (Sadly, no Frankenstein's Creature.) It was, as Dean noted, "an honest-to-goodness monster hunt," and literally a "black-and-white case." From its Hammer horror-style opening credits to its orchestral score to its black-and-white cinematography, this episode was old-school right down to its heavy-handed thunder and lighting, and thick fog on obviously fake sets. In other words, I loved it! Squee, even! The story was about a shapeshifter who pined for the simple world depicted in movies, and adopted the form of the monsters he loved as a child. (Oh, why not? C'mon!) The brothers Winchester were in fine comic form; no matter how irreverent they are, they never seem to be making fun of the material. Dean's insistence that since his body was preternaturally recreated he is once again a virgin was hilarious, even if his later line, "THE X-FILES is a TV show; this is reality," was a bit predictable. The shifter's lament, "It was Beauty that killed the Beast," after Jamie shot him, was apt, and one can rarely go wrong referencing King Kong.

SURVIVOR: GABON — EARTH'S LAST EDEN is finally rounding into shape, as the character of each player comes into sharper focus — and a villain has emerged. (That is one of the landmarks of every season; the other is when I anoint my favorite — which also just happened.) Last night saw a draw-dropping display from Crystal, the "Olympic Champion," who rifled Sugar's bag to locate the hidden immunity idol from Exile Island. Now, as was pointed out by Sugar herself, it's not against the rules to snoop through a player's possessions, but is rooting through someone else's stuff really in keeping with the Olympic spirit? Crystal said it was "crazy" to leave one's bag laying around; I guess she knows people like her are lurking. Which leads to me announce that Sugar is my new favorite character. She's spunky, smart, cute and the undeserved whipping girl for all the other players. What's not to like? She has been making the most of her time at EI, locating the hidden idol on her first day, christening the shelter "the Sugar Shack" and using the time to relax and eat well (while her teammates back at the pathetic Fang camp dole out 13 grams of rice apiece and turn on each other). The only real surprise was that Fang voted out G.C., this season's requisite "Get Me Outta Here!" malcontent, instead of a strong player.

Sam Tyler sure wants to get outta the 1970s in LIFE ON MARS. Sam is a cop from 2008 who awakens after a car accident to discover he is inexplicably now a cop in 1973 — which is so strange he might as well be living on another planet (hence the name). This is basically a one-joke show: He's a fish out of water. But amid the gags about cell phones are plenty of cringe-inducing scenes depicting what can only be judged by 2008 audiences as rampant police brutality and corruption. Obviously this is meant to depict a "TV reality" version of policing, not a historically accurate portrayal of the real world. Harvey Keitel is a bloody riot as Gene, a brutal bear of a lieutenant who delights in punching anyone, but especially fellow cops and perps (back in 1973, there were no "suspects," only bad guys.) Gene has a lot in common with THE SHIELD's Vic Mackey, who would be right at home in Gene's 125th Manhattan Precinct. Neither thinks twice about manufacturing evidence and torturing baddies. And "women's lib" hasn't quite kicked in yet. Gretchen Mol plays policewoman Annie, who longs to be a detective, but is treated more like a mascot. Heather Matarazzo (Hostel II) fared even worse as June — each of the male characters make of point of actually touching her while speaking condescendingly to her!

This series is an adaptation of a 2006-'07 British series, which featured John Simm as Sam. (Simm would be familiar to some American viewers for his stint as the "Harold Saxon" version of the Master in the third season of DOCTOR WHO.) Like its BBC counterpart, this show is very effective at evoking both the ‘70s era — the completely ridiculous hair and clothing styles set the mood in seconds — and also the cop shows of the era. When a shoot-out broke out last night, the score left period pop songs to switch to brass horn music that was almost as percussive as the gunshots onscreen. The cops are quick to draw their weapons — and shoot to kill. I have to give special props to Michael Imperioli (ex-Christopher, THE SOPRANOS) for his impressive mane and sporting a mustache the size of a kitten. Let's hope those are cosmetic appliances!

Last night's episode (called "The Real Adventures of the Unreal Sam Tyler") concentrated on Sam's attempts to understand what has happened to him. He started with a chalkboard listing theories like he's in a coma, insane, on a drug trip, dead, being experimented upon by aliens, etc. Annie obviously thought he was crazy when he suggested "reality" was not real. His theories led to lots of angsting about the real vs. unreal, hallucinations, reflections, cracked mirrors, spies, police impersonators, clouds that listen and stars that talk, and the slippery nature memories. Sam thought he saw little robot rovers, but they turned out to be toys — or were they? As Sam examined one of the toys, the distinctive sounds of a respirator were heard — leading me to favor the coma/dream theory.

October 15, 2008
GENERAL HOSPITAL: NIGHT SHIFT actually makes it worth staying up past midnight and then coming into work bleary-eyed. And it always rewards both the new fan and the lifer.

Case in point: Last night's reunion episode, which gathered Luke (Anthony Geary), Mac (John J. York), Anna (Finola Hughes), Sean (John Reilly) and Tiffany (Sharon Wyatt) to urge Robert (Tristan Rogers) to wake up from his coma. His old pals appeared in a dream sequence that allowed the show to wink at reality by mixing the new and the old in entertaining and inventive ways, from Kimberly McCullough re-enacting her childhood introduction to Robert as a grown woman (complete with similar dress and sandwich) in the newly recreated townhouse to a lace-bedecked Anna acting like "Betty Freakin' Crocker," to Robert imagining his friends a little...let's call them older and wiser. What mattered was that the original actors returned to reprise their beloved characters, and they still had it. Except for a little gray, Reilly still looks exactly the same — and he brought fire to his performance. His speech to Robert was filled with emotion as Sean told Robert that our experiences make us what we are. Tiffany's recollections of "my Robert Scorpio" being a heartbreaker was a heart-tugger, thanks to Wyatt's performance. Mac, ever the stalwart brother, lent a strong shoulder. And Anna even copped to making mistakes with him. And then there was Luke. As I was just discussing with my colleague Mala, Tony Geary deserves every day of his vacation time because the man truly brings it when he acts. Fresh from sabbatical, Geary hit the ground running and hit it out of the park last night. "You're worm food, buddy-boy!" he chirped. "Deader than a mackerel." Luke grabbed Robert and literally shook sense into him as he declared, "We deserve spectacular deaths!" like being garroted in an alley, not expiring in a hospital bed (shades of the speech/performance that won Geary his latest Emmy last year). When Luke prompted him, Robert figuratively woke up and fought back. The dream conversations were perfectly intercut with Robin in the real world attempting to reassure her father that she will be okay thanks to lessons learned from him. DreamRobin put it best when she said, simply, "I love you, Daddy."

I was not a GH viewer back in the day, but even I could tell these characters had history, thanks to the way the scenes were written and acted. These characters (and actors) all knew each other, cared about each other and acted like it. The expressed their relationships in ways that mattered to me. As for the effect it had on longtime fans — well, the only word is squee! I don't think the episode could have been more perfectly swoon-worthy.

But the modern storylines were not neglected, either. Soapiness was in full force at GH: Jagger and Saira were both in vulnerable states and slept together; Kyle got boyfriend Eric into a possibly life-saving clinical trial — but in Portland; Claire submitted her resignation; and Toussaint stared angstily at a photo of an adorable moppet. And then it all got blown away. Being part of the GENERAL HOSPITAL franchise, the episode ended with a big bang — but the emotional fireworks far outshined the exploding Dumpster.

Last night's FRINGE was a bit outshined itself — by previous episodes. This was the weakest outing of the season so far. The threat of Joseph seemed too...uh, meager, to really warrant the team's efforts. And Oliva's impassiveness continues to be a weak spot in the storytelling.

I really want to like this series (and I do), but I am done with Walter always having previously worked on an experiment related to the exact case the team is facing each week. For me, the only way this is going to be justified is if the Pattern ultimately turns out to be based on Walter's own work — perhaps Walter himself is responsible! There's no other way to make me accept the overwhelming coincidences.

But I do so enjoy John Noble's portrayal of Walter. He was touching when Walter lamented not having access to parts of his mind, and charmingly boyish when he built up a static charge with his wool socks and zapped Peter. Walter was able to conceive of a way to "imprint" an electromagnetic pattern on carrier pigeons, yet he was awed by commonplace GPS technology — now that's characterization! Some effort was made to bolster Olivia by making her upset by the reappearances of John, but when he finally proved his love by leading her to the engagement ring he never had a chance to give her, she didn't seem sufficiently moved. Maybe it's just me, but Special Agent Dunham needs to be easier to relate to; she needs to be more compelling as a person.

October 8, 2008
There really is nothing to say about GENERAL HOSPITAL: NIGHT SHIFT other than this: Why isn't this show on in the afternoon? If you are a GH fan, you need to watch this series. Stay up and watch it live; tape it; DVR it; take a nap in the evening and set your alarm to wake up at 11 p.m. NS is worth the effort, and there are only two episodes left...

The chief emotion last night seemed to be sadness, but not of a type that was unpleasant to watch. It was a cathartic sadness — the kind that you like to watch as entertainment. Sure, on a certain level it was hard to watch Robin grapple with the realization that she was powerless to help her father. But it also felt real, and that made it real soap opera. The fact that Robert is an old friend to viewers made fans invested in his struggle. Tethered to his bed by tubes, Robert tried to keep up good humor for his tearful daughter. Outside his room, Anna struggled to hold it together in front of Jagger as she lamented that her partner (both physical and in spirit) was dying before her eyes. Later, she crawled into bed with him. "I can't win this one," he huffed, breathlessly. "Every hero has his moment. I can't win this one," he sighed. She hugged him close. Robert confessed that he'd always assumed they would wind up back together. (As did she.) "I love you Anna Devane," he gasped, prompting her to cover her grief-stricken face. "I love you, Robert Scorpio," she replied, in tears. Later, she exhorted him to hang on. "I won't let you go," she announced. But Robin announced that he nevertheless slipped into a coma.

Elsewhere, Saira gave Leo a golden chance to confess his tryst with Claire, but he booted it. Dude, it was so obvious she knew! What are you, stupid? "I was stupid," he moaned, before trying an odd strategy: "I'm scared," he ventured, looking all weepy, perhaps seeking sympathy. "You're a grown man, Leo," she charged. "Maybe you just deserve to be alone." Later, he tried to plead his case, but she observed, "Love doesn't do horrible things like this," devastating him.

Hey, look, it's Monica! She dropped by to scold Patrick for bringing bad press down on the hospital after that skinhead he turned out last week died from untreated internal injuries. Oh, and she also threatened to strip him of his chief of staff duties. He went home and shared his burden with (who else?) Robin, and then joined the night's parade of crying men. It was a moment of genuine affection for the couple.

Even though the news was uniformly bad all around, it wasn't all depressing. There was even love blossoming! Even as Kyle acknowledged that Eric was dying, Eric's mind was racing. He asked Kyle if he had ever experienced a "perfect moment" — a time when he was blissfully happy. "Right now," Kyle confessed. And then they kissed, desperately and passionately.

I do have to comment that the placement of the metal detector: While obviously dictated by budget constraints, putting it by the nurses' station was silly. Better to just refer to it being at the main entrance, because by the time a crazy person got to the nurses' station with a bomb, he obviously would already be inside the hospital, and thus could wreak untold devastation.

So, after all that emotion, the SOAPnet promos for next week left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Next week's show was being billed as "explosive." Huh? No mention of the special guest stars — the beloved faces from the past? An explosion was the centerpiece of the spot, not the emotional bombshells. That teaser really bombed with me.

I wouldn't call last night's 90210 a bomb, but it definitely was not all that compelling to watch. Start with the ol' "care for a doll as surrogate baby to teach teens that babies are no fun" chestnut. The show ventured in preachy PSA territory with is tale of Naomi taking the fall for Adriana's drugs. Seems Harry called in the police, who planted a young-looking (especially compared to some in the cast) cadet at the school, and staged a raid of the school at the precise moment Naomi was arguing with Adriana over her stash. Naomi fell on her sword and hoped her powerful father could "fix" the charge, but she was wrong. The case was too big. What a drag, dude…

Other things we learned:
—Kim kinda sucks at being "undercover." Could she call more attention to herself?
—Tabitha likes to swim nude when the hired help is around? You go, Grandma!
—Harry and Debbie actually talk about stuff? Messy stuff like his "secret" child with his high school flame? What kind of married couple are they?
—Silver loves movies in general, especially horror films, and Psycho and House of 1,000 Corpses in particular. Hurray for Silver: Rob Zombie's 1,000 Corpses is actually a great genre movie, provided you're in the mood for that sort of very mature thing — it's lurid, twisted, completely depraved, violent and practically unimaginably gory horror, with self-conscious editing and self-indulgent direction. However, with Halloween coming, it would make a seriously unnerving double-bill with Eli Roth's languidly paced slaughterhouse epic, Hostel. Bloody (and I mean bloody) good fun.