August 26, 2008
"It's like Die Hard in a building." —Wendy

More than just an awkward, slow-moving pastiche of the Bruce Willis action classic, this week's episode of THE MIDDLEMAN — in which an alien virus infected Ida with nanobots and turned her evil so she trapped Middleman and Wendy in the MiddleHQ — was packed with shout-outs to the companions of DOCTOR WHO — the "classic" version, as seen from 1963-'89:

•While impersonating a NASA team, Wendy and Middleman ran into a real NASA team led by a man named "Lethbridge Stewart." On DW, Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart (payed by Nicholas Courtney) was a Scottish military officer first encountered by the Second Doctor in 1968. He was promoted to brigadier and went on lead the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce (U.N.I.T. — acronyms, ho!) and meet most of the incarnations of the Doctor. He was mentioned (but not seen) in the latest season, when the 10th Doctor learned that "the Brig" was now "Sir Alistair." MM claimed he and Wendy were "Commander Benton" and "Specialist Herriot." Well, Sergeant Benton (John Levene) was the most well-known enlisted man in U.N.I.T., and Zoe Herriot (Wendy Padbury) was yet another companion of the Second Doctor.
•MM hauled out a device he called a "Zygon-Rated Quarantine Box." The Zygons were shape-shifting aliens encountered by the Fourth Doctor in the 1975 story "Terror of the Zygons" (which also featured the Brig).
•Tyler said he attended McCrimmon College. Jamie McCrimmon was a Highlander from the year 1746 who met the Second Doctor in the 1966 story "The Highlanders." Jamie (Frazer Hines) is the probably the most well-known male companion, and was the longest-serving in terms of number of episodes.
•MM invokes the Treaty of Peri-Perpugilliam — a name lifted from Perpugilliam Brown, a young woman nicknamed "Peri," who traveled with the Fifth and Sixth Doctors. Peri (Nicola Bryant) was chiefly known for her fake American accent and plunging necklines.

References to assorted other shows/movies included the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the alcoholic beverage called the best drink ever, created by Douglas Adams for The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Adams described the kick of the drink as "having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick." The "Nakatomi Protocol" obviously takes its name from Die Hard-s Nakatomi Building. And we all remember Willis’ trademark "Yippee-Ki-Yay..." shout. When Dub-dub was disguised as Interobot 7000 and ran into the real Interobot 7000, they pointed at each other and wailed, like the pod people in the 1978 version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Ida's innards resembled the inside of the Robot from LOST IN SPACE — remember that episode, "Trip Through the Robot," originally broadcast in 1966? I thought this was more like that than Fantastic Voyage — which was also released in 1966. Hmmm, why the obsession with that year?

Manservant Neville was portrayed by Mark A. Sheppard, who may look familiar because he played Baltar's eccentric defense attorney, Romo Lampkin, on BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. Brendan Hines, who plays Tyler, appeared as chess-programmer Andy in TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES.

As it played out, the entire Manservant Neville thread entangled Tyler and Lacey yet proved pointless — which was a final shout-out to original-recipe WHO: Back then, the writers often gave the companions their own B-story that kept them occupied and out of the Doctor's way until he was called upon to rescue her. (Yes, in the old days, the companion was often considered a hindrance to the story.)

To say something positive about "The Clotharian Contamination Protocol," I will note the decontamination scene was funny, and star Matt Keeslar did a terrific job of tearing up on-camera while MM listened to Dub-dub's Code 47. Good show, Matt.

Finally, here’s the MM quote of the week: "Hotter than the Devil's wedding tackle!"

And it's time for the finale to this column. See you next time.

August 25, 2008
MAD MEN continued to explore what appears to be this season's theme: the roles of women, and their influence on men.

Trudy represented the traditional nuclear family momma-wannabe — so is that why Pete expressed a fear of The Bomb to Dr. Stone? He said he was concerned about the state of the world, then segued into moaning about the pressure of conforming to his role ("What man doesn't want to have kids?") and meeting the in-laws. He also claimed to have never fathered a child &mash; but he doesn't know about Peggy's "secret" baby. "Maybe I'm the end of the line," he noted. (And maybe not.) When he was relieved that his ... er, "sample" was viable, Trudy scolded him for not being more sensitive to her plight. After all, what is marriage for, if not to have children?

Joan and her engagement ring also filled a traditional niche — the clucking hens at the office really admired her rock. She had to chide Jane, the replacement she was grooming to be Don's assistant, for playing another stereotype: the vamp who distracts men. Joan had to shoo away the lurking admirers (like Ken, Paul and Harry) who had set up camp at a nearby file cabinet by admonishing them to "pitch your tents elsewhere."

But for an Eve archetype who really led someone astray, look no farther than Bobbie Barret. Sure, as Jimmy's wife and business manager she appears the forerunner of the modern "I can have it all" woman, but can she really? She lured Don away from the office, and ultimately into a ditch on the side of the road to Stony Brook. (Interestingly, the song on the car radio at the time of the crash, "Theme From a Summer Place," was a hit in 1960 — the year Peggy flashes back to.) Because these were the heady days of drinking and driving, Don and Bobbie got banged up pretty good by the accident, but he still managed to make it look hip; like his sling was a badge of cool. (Perhaps that's why there was a PSA tacked to the very end of the episode, warning against drinking and driving.)

Black-eyed Bobbie took refuge with the secretly-fallen Peggy, who helped her benefactor Don — making Peggy the nurturer. Peggy flashed back to the days following the delivery of her secret baby, when Don visited her in the hospital. She was befuddled by what had happened to her, and Don told her, "This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened." Back in the present day, Don was still casually cruel to her, even though she had bailed him out of jail, nursed Bobbie back to health and kept quiet about it all. Except asking him to repay the bail. "When you try to forget something you have to forget everything," he said.

But don't you forget to come back for the next installment of Night Shift....

August 20, 2008
This was a week of small victories for GENERAL HOSPITAL: NIGHT SHIFT — the best bits were small character moments scattered throughout an episode that was, itself, a bit dull. The predictability of the setups and lack of energy in the direction made the hour plod along.

In fact, the show felt somewhat like Robert (Tristan Rogers) must have: like a man of action being kept from...acting. Faced with Stage 4 colon cancer (there is no Stage 5), Robert resolved to head for the Congo rather undertake an "aggressive" course of chemotherapy. When Robin told him he only had a 10 percent chance of survival, he noted, "Life's always been a game to me." She tried to appeal to his macho by calling her father a coward for running away, but he could not be dissuaded. (To her credit, Robin didn't play the grandchild card, which would have been a low blow.) It took a chat with Epiphany, who lost her son Stan to mob violence (she heard him whacked over the phone) a year ago. Robert realized he had an opportunity to spend time with his daughter. Oh, and his colon started to hurt. In the course of discussing Robert, Patrick (Jason Thompson) called attention to Robin's pregnancy, which reminded me that the padding petite Kimberly McCullough was wearing made her look less like she's carrying a child and more like she'd had a Big Mac for lunch.

Claire continues to grow on me; she seems to have gotten a softer personality along with the new 'do. Carrie Southworth is turning into a keeper. I thought it was downright cute the way Claire was scared in the morgue, even though she had Lando Calrissian on hand to protect her. (Oh, right, Billy Dee Williams was playing Toussaint last night, not the dashing space rogue.) "Alien Skin," the rocker who wanted to be dead, was a strange little subplot; why didn't he simply kill himself instead of sneaking into the morgue? That would seem to be the kind of honesty that Toussaint would value.

The main story thread saw Kyle (Adam Grimes) predictably take up the cause of a woman who was barred from the bedside of her brain-dead life partner by disapproving parents. Of course the gay doctor sided with the lesbian patient, and of course the terminal woman's father was an old-school, slur-spouting bigot. But the move to harvest the comatose woman's eggs was at least a little bit different. It was completely predictable that Leo (Ethan Rains) would stand up for his brother, but I enjoyed the realistic sibling depiction: Leo may pick on his little brother, but only he gets to torment him; everyone else better back away. That's how it is with brothers. And that's normally how big brothers act. The question of what's "normal" also played into Saira's (Azita Ghanizada) evaluation of Stone. Jagger (Antonio Sabato Jr.) said, "I just want my little boy to be normal." To which Saira replied, "He is normal, he's just on a different track." (Sabato then did a PSA for autismspeaks.org at the end of the show.) Jagger also had a perfectly played awkward exchange with Patrick over Robin. I get the sense these guys may just come to blows — perhaps more over their individual vanity than for Robin's affections. Speaking of affections, Saira continued her little dance with Dr. Julian, confessing that she found it "attractive" that he stood up for his brother. Not that Kyle cannot stand up for himself. After confiding to Claire that Leo had "smirked" at him when he first came out, Kyle told his big brother that he hopes to one day marry and have children. "My family may not look the same as yours, but can't I have one, too?" he asked.

And you'll have another installment of Night Shift soon...

August 19, 2008
THE MIDDLEMAN kicked off with the unsettling disclosure that Lacey had a sex dream about Pip. In her own words, PMGO (Puke My Guts Out)! But that was only the beginning of events in "The Vampiric Puppet Lamentation."

Things got progressively more unsettling at a later party, where a faker named Jamie offered to read tarot cards for Wendy. Amidst her making stuff up (The Lovers next to The Chariot could not really be interpreted as saying a lover had left — unless you didn't like the person, in which case a choice to break up could be considered a victory.) Jamie was suddenly possessed by a force that showed her a "Noser" card and predicted "Little Noser" would be rent limb-from-limb to save Wendy. Then the force disappeared, leaving Jamie to suggest the Temperance and Emperor cards say Wendy spends too much time with her father. That's actually not too far off — The Emperor is all about a controlling male authority figure (but in Wendy's case would most certainly be Middle Man), while Temperance calls for moderation. This actually foreshadows the adventure to come, as The Chariot does indicate a harsh struggle followed by a hard-won victory while The Lovers indicates... well, love — someone or something irresistible that one will be compelled to choose. Looking at how the episode plays out, there is that titanic struggle with the vampire puppet and MM making the choice to sacrifice himself for true love Lacey. Hmmm, it's almost as if the writer knew what going to happen and selected the cards on purpose. Both Lacey and Pip dismissed the tarot deck as appealing only to the "spiritually vulnerable and intellectually weak." Which makes this a good spot to point out that I don't personally place stock in the purported preternatural powers of tarot cards; I just know how to read 'em — purely for entertainment purposes.

The story's central vampire puppet, known as "Little Vladdy," reminded me of the classic ANGEL episode "Smile Time," in which the vampire detective faced off against demonic puppets (made of felt, not "the hardest Carpathian wood") on a children's TV show. Angel himself was transformed into a puppet vampire, complete with fangs. (The episode was nominated for a 2005 Hugo.) In this story, Little Vladdy is said to be possessed by the spirit of Vlad the Impaler, the historical inspiration for Bram Stoker's novel Dracula. Luckily, Middleman is prepared for a vampire plague. While a previous MM (called Van Helsing?) killed off the last real vampire in the late 1800s, MM HQ still has vampire-fighting gear. The Vladdy puppet had the power to transform into a bat, and its bite proved deadly (due to blood loss, if nothing else). While it was unclear whether a puppet vamp could turn a human, MM took no chances after being bitten, ordering Ida to whip up a batch of Montesi Formula Vaccine. (In Marvel comic books, Doctor Strange used the mystical Montesi Formula to magically wipe out all the blood-suckers in the Marvel universe.) Other shout-outs to vampire lore included naming the 1950s TV-show ventriloquist Renfield (like the hapless bug-eater from the original Dracula novel), and locking him in the "John Seward Home for the Criminally Insane" — in the novel, Renfield was a patient in an asylum run by Dr. John Seward. And Wendy kept the comics world in mind with her line about Usagi Yojimbo kicking butt. Before Wendy destroyed Vlad and Elizabeth with a "shot through the heart," she said, "You give love a bad name." Bon Jovi would be proud. (Oh, she used the wooden arms from Noser's ventriloquist dummy, so "Little Noser" was "rent limb-from-limb" to save Wendy.)

Perhaps the most significant development of the episode was that the mystical marriage ceremony between Vladdy and Lizzie, his puppet love, confirmed that MM and Lacey are in love. Sure, they had that little fling in "The Cursed Tuba Contingency," but they decided not to date. (Lacey even referenced this by invoking "their" movie, Ride Lonesome.) However, now we know they both truly love one another, no matter what they say in public. But the bigger reveal came when MM admitted, "She's not the only woman I love." (I expected Wendy to fire off a line about his mother, but she refrained.) He declined to identify his inamorata, but I can't help wondering: Is it Wendy? If only I had some tarot cards...

One unanswered, lingering question still bothers me: What does it mean if a vampire offers you soup?

In the meantime, here's a free offer: read the next installment of Night Shift...

August 14, 2008
Okay, my favorite bit in this week's GH: NIGHT SHIFT came when Epiphany was on a date with Lando — er, Toussaint (Billy Dee Williams) — and she used a line from the movie Lady Sings the Blues — which starred Billy Dee Williams! How meta can you get? Epiphany branded him "slick as ice, smooth as silk," but dude, it's 2008: You cannot order for your date. Why didn't you just break out the Colt 45 as long as you were doing a Billy Dee act? I could do without the grafted-on backstory about the 14-year-old Epiph hooking up with the Saints singer because the coincidence stretches credibility too far; I'm already at my limit convincing myself that Toussaint prefers emptying bedpans and wiping up puke to fronting a band and entertaining groupies. But maybe it's an age thing.

Speaking of age things (shudders)... I could have done without the League of Randy, Syphilitic Seniors from the local old age home. Right around the time Kyle was hauling out the condoms and bananas it dawned on me that having him lecture seniors about safe sex was a way to get preachy without seeming to get preachy. Who wouldn't have changed the channel if he had gotten up on a soap box in front of a group of eye-rolling, texting teens? No "Very Special Episodes" about family planning allowed.

What was special about this installment was the family stuff between Robin and Robert. Sure, they argued, but there was a palpable sense of affection between them — exemplified by Robert's wink — that made me believe these characters are actually related. That's the benefit of employing veterans to play out show history. Kimberly McCullough and Tristan Rogers really do have a years-long professional relationship under their belts, and their ease of working with each other shows the script to best advantage. Oh, and BTW, Robert: Forget the brain tumor, you have colon cancer. Jason Thompson also took advantage of some good writing to bare a little of Patrick's compassionate side, when he told that woman with Sussex Syndrome what she needed to hear while simultaneously telling Robin what she needed to hear. For once, she didn't go off on him; maybe there's hope for that relationship yet.

The relationship between nuLeo and Saira, on the other hand, is off to a predictably rocky start. I suppose Leo brandishing her bra in front of his brother is supposed to constitute boyish hijinks. NS seems to be reining in Claire's sluttier tendencies and instead making her wax nostalgic for a boyfriend; a couple of weeks ago, she doubtless would have thrown herself at the horny old men from the home. This is progress...

I knew something odd was afoot the moment RESCUE ME began — something wasn't quite right about Lou, Franco and Sean sitting in that burning room, playing a rude game of Person, Place and Thing. In this case, the Person was a desirable female, the Place was where they wanted to...do it, and the Thing was a food to eat afterward. Franco offered the helpful example: Angelina Jolie, in a taxi, with a ham sandwich. As Sean noted, it's like Clue. Only fun. Lou got creative with his wish for Jessica Alba in Cairo, followed by a 3 Musketeers bar. Well, turned out the boys were waiting to use a bathroom following an encounter with Lou's three-alarm "vegetarian chili." Next time, go before we leave the station, okay?

If you've been watching ONE LIFE TO LIVE's 1968 storyline, it's obvious we missed an important scene: the one in which the Doctor visited Rex and equipped his cell phone for Universal Roaming! We've seen the Time Lord soup up cellies for Rose (in "The End of the World"), Martha ("42") and Donna ("The Doctor's Daughter") that allowed them to dial over expanses of time and space, so connecting across 40 years should be no problem.

I hope you can connect to the next installment of Night Shift...

August 12, 2008
Wow, THE MIDDLEMAN sure skirted the line of good taste early with that first-scene visit to the Batter of the Bulge Pancake House — those "panzercakes" and "lufftewaffles" gave me pause. But then it was on to good ol' videogame violence for Wendy and new squeeze Tyler. It's good to know Middleman rules allow for the Code 86 exception to constant surveillance, but the paperwork must be pretty embarrassing to fill out.

This episode was notable for the appearance of erstwhile Hercules himself, Kevin Sorbo, as a Middleman who has been in cryogenic storage since 1969. (Does anyone else think MIDDLEMAN is almost going out of its way to ape TORCHWOOD?) In order to avoid confusion with the current office-holder who is known only as "Middleman," the 1969 version was dubbed "69" and he donned his old duds — which appeared to consist of a green crushed velvet smoking jacket. Okay, now the series is going out of its way to mimic DOCTOR WHO: the Third Doctor was famous for his velvet smoking jackets — including a green one. To get even more obvious, 69 asked for Jelly Babies, a British candy that was one of the trademarks of the Fourth Doctor, and enjoyed by his Second, Seventh and Eighth incarnations. And he also boasted about traveling in time: "I spent five days in the '70s back in '66." Okay, so 69's name turned out to be "Guy Goddard" — that had to be a reference to Guy Williams and Mark Goddard, who starred as Prof. John Robinson and Major Don West on LOST IN SPACE? (I don't put any of this past creator Javier Grillo-Marxuach — the man used to write for LOST, so he knows a little something about layering and obscure references).

Despite the seemingly obvious Austin Powers vibe, I really think the-powers-that-be were reaching for a classic James Bond pastiche, considering the plot to have Guy infiltrate the villain's lair via scuba gear (à la Thunderball) and beat him at gambling (à la...well, every Bond movie...) in the company of a provocatively clad female assistant. Dub-Dub got Ursula Andress' character name right (Honey Rider) even if she forgot the movie title (Dr. No) — but more importantly, she got the white bikini right. Her black leather catsuit may have been more Mrs. Peel from THE AVENGERS, but hey, Diana Rigg was a Bond girl, too, On Her Majesty's Secret Service. And wasn't HEROES' Erick Avari's Lord Jeremiah Purcell a suitably Bondian villain, complete with Oddjob-inspired henchman? Natalija Nogulich's (ex-Ingrid, DAYS OF OUR LIVES) Rosa Krebb was obviously a nod to Rosa Klebb, the knife-in-shoe hit-woman in From Russia With Love played with zeal by Lotte Lenya. Jeez, one more Bond shout-out and I think MIDDLEMAN earns a 00 license to kill. But let's change genres for this last one: Guy's alias of "Harry Lime" is the same used by Orson Welles' drug smuggler in The Third Man.

I liked MM's explanation for why he wears an Eisenhower jacket, and the revelation that Dub-Dub doesn't have to wear what MM dictates. And while I was disappointed that Wendy didn't adopt the black leather we see in all the promos (and the web site) or don the tummy-baring uniform from the comics, her new, vested look is sleek and seems appropriate for Natalie Morales.

Finally, in place of my usual selection of best MM exclamations, let me go with Guy's best MM diss: "Who do you save the world from — kittens?"

Save a place on your computer screen for the next Night Shift...

August 4, 2008
"It's been good, though, hasn't it? All of us, all of it; everything we did?"
—The Doctor

The season finale of DOCTOR WHO contained the biggest deus ex machina — wait...make that deus ex TARDIS in the series' entire 30-year history. A second Doctor? I have to ... er, hand it to executive producer Russell T. Davies for having the cajones to pull something like that out of his bag of tricks — even if said bag was carefully packed over the past three seasons (from the Doctor losing his hand in "The Christmas Invasion" to a machine growing a new person from the Doctor's cells in "The Doctor's Daughter").

By turns nostalgic, sentimental, scary, thrilling, silly, witty and fun, "Journey's End" was a rather brilliant cap to a consistently entertaining season. It did its level best to pay off in almost every way possible. One of the best moments came when Rose finally got her reunion with the Doctor. Their hug seemed so heartfelt — the way she clung to him with equal parts love, relief and fear.

Davros proved himself a worthy adversary for the Doctor and his collected companions (dubbed "the Children of Time") with his breathtaking plan to unravel all of existence with a "Reality Bomb." The 27 planets he plucked out of time and space were used to power his mad scheme. And I thought Davros was insane before. You really cannot get any more ambitious than destroying everything. I adored Julian Bleach's portrayal, which was absolutely operatic and seemed like a logical progression for a character who has been losing his marbles for centuries. When it comes to loony villains, Batman's Joker is a piker compared to this guy. I was downright touched when he recognized Sarah Jane as having been there on Skaro at the beginning of it all.

Just as Sarah Jane defied Davros by telling him she had learned to fight under the Doctor's tutelage, all the other companions proved their mettle by coming up with competing measures to blow up Davros' plan. But it was then that Davros became most devilish, tormenting his eternal enemy by twisting the achievements of the Doctor's friends. "This is my final victory, Doctor," he rasped. "I have shown you yourself. You take ordinary people and fashion them into weapons." The Doctor seemed genuinely confused and saddened — but was rescued by the appearance of...himself!

Well, sort of. When last we left the Doctor, he had begun the regeneration process; at the beginning of this episode he healed himself, then directed the rest of the regenerative energies into his dismembered hand. As the TARDIS was about to "perish" at the core of the Dalek Crucible, thanks to Davros, of course, the energy in the hand was unleashed and connected with Donna, imbuing her with a portion of the Doctor's intellect even as the hand grew into a entirely new, complete body. The Doctor-Copy was just as brilliant as the real Doctor, and rushed to help battle the Daleks. But it was Donna, now possessing a bit of Time Lord intellect, who saved the day. This Doctor-Donna had just the right balance of Time Lord and human factor to conceive of ways to defeat Davros. "The universe's been waiting for me!" she chortled. In effect, there were three Doctors! (The perfect opportunity for an off-color comment from the sexually omnivorous Capt. Jack Harkness.)

The appearance of Mickey (Noel Clarke) and Jackie (Camille Coduri) completed the complement of modern human companions, but it was the timely arrival of ever-loyal robotic dog K9 that sent this fanboy into classic-series nirvana. "Good dog, K9!"

I was also touched by the sad farewells to Rose and Donna. The Doctor had to return Rose to her parallel Earth, but he sent his copy with her. He told her that Doctor was "tainted" with a human factor: Not only does he have just one heart, he will age and not regenerate. And he needed Rose's influence — specifically, her compassion — to calm his volatile personality, just as she had ameliorated his Ninth persona. It was a bit too neat and tidy for my tastes, but I fully agree that Rose deserved some sort of "happily ever after," and giving her her own version of the Doctor was about as close as they could come. (Raise your hand if you agree that the Doctor-Copy told Rose the missing part of the Doctor's declaration from "The Parting of the Ways" was, "I love you." It had to be!) Tying off the dangling Rose thread allows "our" Doctor to finally move on.

Sadly, moving on in this case meant he had to bid farewell to Donna Noble. In only a handful of stories Donna proved herself a vibrant and capable companion, vaulting her into the upper echelon in the Pantheon of Very Best Companions, right up there with Rose, Sarah Jane, Ace, Romana, Jamie and Ian & Barbara. (Don't worry, fans, with some time and perspective I'm sure Martha and Jack will creep up that list.) Mind-wiping Donna was sad but necessary, and better than killing her off. I'm glad the melancholy Doctor stuck around to bid oblivious Donna farewell.

Those final sad moments, with the Doctor standing in the rain, crystallized the Doctor's personality and the price he pays for being Time's Champion. Only he can walk his path. As the rain drenched him, I was reminded of the Seventh Doctor's farewell to Mel at the end "Dragonfire": "Think about me when you're living your life, one day after another, all in a neat pattern," he said. "Think about the homeless traveler and his old police box; his days like crazy paving."

Some other thoughts...
•The Osterhagen Key turned out to be the trigger for Earth's self-destruct system, but I was a little let down by the reveal that it consisted merely of nuclear bombs — surely Torchwood and UNIT could have come up with something more interesting.
•The Doctor built a gadget! Too bad he didn't get to use it, but I love the Doctor's gadgets the way the Time Lord loves "a little shop."
•I was horrified on the Doctor's behalf when his clone triggered the mass destruction of the Daleks — replicating his own genocide during the Time War. The sickened look on the Doctor's face was painful.
•The Daleks used their proper terminology, like "rells" instead of seconds, "transmat" instead of teleporter. (And were they really shouting "Exterminate!" in German?)

Still, the episode was not perfect. The weak/bad points included:
•Yet another season ends with yet another Dalek army invading Earth and then being destroyed en masse.
•Yet another companion absorbs yet another amazing energy to morph into yet another ultimately powerful being.
•Yet another transmogrified companion is too powerful to remain in existence, forcing the Doctor to "drain" her.

But enough nitpicking. The story was rollicking fun and the perfect swan song for Davies' tenure at the helm of the regular series. There will be four more specials (including this December's annual Christmas show), and then Davies surrenders the executive producer mantle to the eminently capable Steven Moffat, writer of such classic episodes as "Blink," and the the Hugo-winning "The Girl in the Fireplace" and "The Empty Child"/"The Doctor Dances."

This episode marked the first onscreen confirmation of the long-held fan belief that TARDISes were designed to be operated by six pilots — that's why the Doctor runs around the central console like a lunatic when he's trying to fly the thing himself. (A society as advanced as the Time Lords would never purposely design a vessel with controls that needed to be whacked with a hammer!) As the companions joined together to fly the beloved old TARDIS, their smiling faces, and ...well, companionship belied Davros' assertion that the Doctor turns his friends into weapons. The Doctor helps ordinary people reach their ultimate potential.

Oh, one last thing: I personally do not believe Davros is dead. Think about it, and maybe you will come up with the same theory for how he could have survived. Take your time...

As for that impending Christmas special: Cybermen in Victorian England at Yuletide? Allons-y!

"Donna Noble, we had the best of times. The best."
-- The Doctor

Night Shift will be taking a brief hiatus while the writer undertakes his own journey through time and space...

July 30, 2008
My favorite bit in last night's second episode of GENERAL HOSPITAL: NIGHT SHIFT (no family relation to this column) came when newbie Claire blanched at Kyle's suggestion that they rent an apartment down by the docks — she called the area "totally mob-adjacent" and way too dangerous. Brava, Dr. Simpson (Carrie Southworth)! At least somebody in Port Charles is smart enough to duck when the lead starts flying! And thanks to the writers for underlining NS' intention to concentrate on the hospital instead of the gangsters. Let's hope no GSWs are brought in to the ER.

Perhaps the best line of the night came from Saira (Azita Ghanizada), who dismissed Leo's advances with a curt, "Somebody's been watching too much GREY'S ANATOMY." I think the Saira/Leo relationship is a bit facile so far, and NS may be erring by ramping up the conflict between them too much; Leo risks coming off as a jerk, especially when ladling on his smirky devotion to science. Leo (Ethan Rains) is a smart guy — why would he accept Saira's bet about being able to convince Mrs. Hopkins to accept medication after she'd already shown an aversion to non-faith-based practitioners? (Although I couldn't help noticing she went to a hospital when she got sick, not a church.) However, I did like the way the brotherly banter is being written between Kyle and Leo. Fraternal tension took centerstage in the latter part of the episode, when it was revealed that, like many siblings, there was a lot of "mom liked you better" jealousy. We learned that Leo's parents sent him away from violence-torn Iran when he was around 5 years old, and he was adopted by the Julians, subsequently developing a resentment for "golden boy" Kyle. The "outsider" issues the brothers share (Kyle said he was "in the closet" until he was 18) should ultimately bring them together, however.

Leo's story was tied to Robin by a plot line that strongly echoed last season: Robin championed a little girl who needed a bone-marrow transplant. But it turned out the child had been stolen from her parents in China and adopted illegally. Of course Robin could only think about parenting the child herself, not what the adoptive or biological parents might be feeling. "What if it was your child?" she asked federal agent Jagger; she asked Patrick, "What if it was our child?" Finally, Patrick pointed out the obvious: Kayla was not her child. Patrick had a rather interesting reaction to the news of Kayla's illegal status: He was deeply concerned — about the hospital's liability. Only two weeks on the job and he's in full-on Dr. Ford mode, obsessing over lawsuits and the letter of the law, leaving Robin to fight issues of patient care. When Leo found out that Kayla had been kidnapped, he completely flipped out, because, as Kyle pointed out, Leo feels guilty for "leaving" his family behind as a child.

Not long before Leo chewed out Kayla's clueless family, Epiphany tore Toussaint a new one over a blunder with a medical instrument. She warned the erstwhile Lando Calrissian that he better get his head out of Cloud City or it's off to the Spice Mines of Kessel for him. Or, y'know, words to that effect. Still, Lando and Epiphany did kiss, and I like them as a couple.

Of course Epiphany swooned over Jagger — and that was the one scene he entered wearing a shirt. (Apparently the-powers-that-be used Antonio Sabato Jr.'s wardrobe budget to build the new stairwell set; the poor man is going to catch a cold!) Viewers got a couple of more clues about what's up with Stone after he freaked when Robin messed up his rock collection. (Stone likes stones — that makes sense: Both of my young nephews like rocks, as well. Robin offered to take Stone to the science museum — gee, what a fun aunt!) Stone's reflexive rocking motion is characteristic of autism, but I think he's at the high-functioning end of the spectrum, which enables Jagger to remain in denial. I'm sure we can count on Robin to disabuse him of his illusions. It was nice to see Robin confiding in her insta-girlfriend, Saira, who revealed her attraction to Leo. Which is obvious to anyone who sees them together.

Togetherness reminds me of this week's episode of THE MIDDLEMAN, in which Lacey could no longer contain her curiosity about roommate Wendy's strangely all-consuming "temp job." And also "Wendy's boss," whom she finds...intriguing. She tails the mystery man to a movie theater, where she (and we) discovers that MM obsessively watches a 1959 Randolph Scott Western, Ride Lonesome. (The revival-house concession stand stocks neither milk for him nor "cruelty-free, organic candy" for her. Pity.) The two reach a sort of rapproachment consisting mostly of deeply longing, meaningful looks. Square-jawed Matt Keeslar's MM and curvy Brit Morgan's Lacey definitely strike sparks together as she wheedles snippets of information about his (and Wendy's) work as "exotic problem-solvers," but, alas, the Middlealarm calls him off to a murder. At the Peckinpah Hotel (an homage to noted Western film director Sam Peckinpah), a man drowned in his hotel bed. There, MM ran into a dashing CSI called Cecil Rogers. After following clues to Hawks Lane School (Western director Howard Hawks, anyone?), MM visits his old frenemy Roxy Wasserman Elaine Hendrix (ex-Brandee, DAYS OF OUR LIVES), the reformed succubus/fashion mogul. Our heroes learn that a tuba player and his instrument survived the sinking of the Titanic and became cursed for taking up space in the rescue boats. Now the tuba has the power to magically drown — "in the icy waters of the North Atlantic" — whoever hears it being played. In keeping with the cheeky nature of this series, Cecil's flashbacks were illustrated with clips of 1958's A Night to Remember. But the later Titanic-themed party referenced James Cameron's 1997 Titanic — while Wendy loathed the flick, Lacey loved it. Lacey even donned a facsimile of the "Heart of the Ocean" pendant to accentuate her low-cut gown. (So, yes, I also noticed the necklace.)

And Wendy noticed the obvious chemistry between her pal and her boss. "Why don't you just date my mom?" Wendy cried. What is this, BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL? Later, MM told Lacy he could not date her because "[my] world is too dangerous." What is this, GENERAL HOSPITAL? Poor Lacey was heartbroken — another good job from actress Morgan.

The constant barrage of pop-culture references, from Boba Fett to Jack Bauer to Italian horror director Mario Bava make the show worth paying attention to. Noser even quoted Rush lyrics! But paying attention left me with one nagging question... The villain of the piece intended to kill off the all the world's Titanic experts with the cursed tuba, but wouldn't experts in Titanic lore be aware of the legend of the tuba?

Sound off in the comments section below, and we will reprise Night Shift soon...

July 28, 2008
This week's episode of DOCTOR WHO was nothing less than a fanboy's dream that very nearly put me into a coma, thanks to the return of so many companions and so many references to past episodes. This episode was so dense that even I had to watch it twice and freeze-frame to get it all.

I actually don't even know where to begin, except to acknowledge that executive producer Russell T. Davies' trail of breadcrumbs — begun in the very first episode of the revival back in 2005 — definitely seems to be going somewhere. Somewhere big. From the very beginning people, places and things have been seen and mentioned and have brought us to this place.

Let's start with the (tragic) reunion of the Doctor and Rose (Billie Piper), the modern Doctor's greatest companion. For a long time I was actually in the fandom camp that wished Rose would never return, because their tear-jerking separation in the heart-breaking "The Parting of the Ways" could never be topped (the Doctor burned out a sun to generate enough power to say goodbye to her). But I grew to miss her, and seeing Piper on SECRET DIARY OF A CALL GIRL reminded me of what a good actress she is. Glimpsing Rose back on the show in those brief scenes made me pine for her to appear again. And now, in this episode, she and the Doctor finally see each other once more, and run toward each other in slow motion like the sappiest of sappy love stories — only for him to get shot down by his greatest enemy! How tragic. He lay dying in Rose's arms as she lamented. "I came all this way..." And he began to regenerate. But I'm getting (way) ahead of myself....

Rose reappeared on our Earth packing a BFG (that's Big F---in' Gun to you non-gamers), just as the planet was stolen and moved across the galaxy. Where was the Doctor in Earth's hour of need? He went to consult the Shadow Proclamation, a sort of intergalactic police force (whose foot soldiers are the Judoon, last seen in "Smith and Jones"), where he determined that 27 planets where taken out of time and hidden 1 second out sync with the rest of the universe in a place called the Medusa Cascade. How many payoffs is that right there: the Shadow Proclamation, Judoon, the Medusa Cascade — all seen/referenced before.

Speaking of "seen before," a number of past companions, family and friends rally to the Doctor's aid. In addition to Rose Tyler, we see Capt. Jack Harkness (John Barrowman), Sarah Jane Smith (Elisabeth Sladen), Martha Jones (Freema Agyeman), Francine Jones (Adjoa Andoh), Sylvia Noble (Jacqueline King), Wilfred Mott (Bernard Cribbins) and Harriet Jones (Penelope Wilton) from past WHO stories. But wait, there's more: Gareth David-Lloyd's lanto Jones and Eve Myles' Gwen Cooper visit from TORCHWOOD, as does Tommy Knight's Luke Smith from THE SARAH JANE ADVENTURES. This marks the first crossovers of the current spin-offs with each other and the parent show. In the 26 years of the classic series, it was rare for past companions to return. Leaving aside charity specials, I'm thinking of Jamie's return in "The Two Doctors" and "The Five Doctors" (where he was joined by Zoe, Susan and Sarah Jane) but since the relaunch, Sarah Jane, Martha, Donna and Rose have all come and gone and come again.

And boy, was there a threat worthy of amassing so many reinforcements: the return of the Daleks, along with their creator, Davros. (Sure, this is the third time in four years that Daleks have threatened the Earth in the season finale, but c'mon, these are the real Daleks, with the megalomaniacal Davros leading the charge!) Jack and Sarah Jane despaired at the return of the Daleks, with good reason. The Daleks killed Jack, and Sarah Jane was there when Davros created the malevolent pepperpots of Skaro, so she knows what an evil genius he is.

Davros has a very long and important place in DOCTOR WHO history, battling four different versions of the Doctor. For those who are interested, I will present a vastly simplified version; if that's not you, then feel free to skip to the next paragraph. Davros was chief scientist of the Kaled on the planet Skaro. The one-armed fascist lived in a life-support chair that encompassed his entire lower body. He created the Daleks to be the next step in the evolution of his race, which was at war with the rival Thals. Now the story gets complicated, because the interference of the Doctor created two Dalek histories. In the "original" history, the Daleks wiped out almost all humanoid life on Skaro, including Davros, and went on to become the scourge of the entire universe (including conquering Earth). The Time Lords foresaw a time when the Daleks would become the dominant form of life in the universe, so a renegade arm of the High Council known as the CIA (the Celestial Intervention Agency) sent the Fourth Doctor and his companions Sarah Jane and Harry Sullivan into the past to destroy the Daleks before they were created. This tale was told in the 1975 story "Genesis of the Daleks." Seconds before destroying the first Daleks coming off the assembly line, the Doctor decided he did not have the right to commit genocide and aborted his plan, instead sealing the Daleks underground and setting back their evolution thousands of years. But the Doctor also made a horrible mistake: He alerted Davros to his impending assassination, so Davros prepared and survived in suspended animation. Years later the Daleks sought out his help in a war against the robotic Movellans ("Destiny of the Daleks"). Feeling betrayed by his creations, Davros turned on them, splitting Dalek society into factions ("Resurrection of the Daleks"). Davros went on to use frozen human bodies to engineer a new race of Daleks loyal to him ("Revelation of the Daleks"). A civil war ensued, with Davros taking on the role of Emperor Dalek, leading the white-and-gold "Imperial" faction against the old-style gray-and-blue Daleks, branded Renegades and led by a Supreme Dalek in a black casing. Eventually, the Seventh Doctor tricked Davros into destroying Skaro and his own imperial forces ("Remembrance of the Daleks"). Davros, however, escaped, and now we know he went on to take part in the Time War.

Davies has indicated that "Genesis of the Daleks" marked the opening salvo of the Time War, so it is only fitting that Davros return now, after being rescued by Dalek Caan, the last surviving post-war Dalek. Davros surrendered the role of emperor and put a Supreme Dalek (in red casing) in charge of a new race of Daleks created from Davros' own skin cells.

Whew!

Now seems a good time to take a moment and list the random coherent thoughts I managed to coalesce from my blown mind thanks to this episode:

•I could feel both of the Doctor's hearts chilling when the Shadow Architect asked him to lead the battle against the Darkness. As everyone knows, the Doctor took drastic action during the Last Great Time War that resulted in the destruction of his home planet Gallifrey and most (but not all) of the Daleks. To his regret, it seems more and more like a futile gesture. (Now more than ever!) Why would the Doctor try to save Davros from death in "the jaws of the Nightmare Child"? It must have been a fate so horrific that the Doctor didn't wish it on his worst enemy. True, this 10th persona tried to save the Master, but this was an earlier incarnation. We really need Davies to specify whether the Eighth or Ninth Doctor destroyed Gallifrey, because that would help answer a lot of questions. (My money is on the Eighth, as the Ninth persona seemed new to his body in "Rose" — remember his surprise at seeing his big ears in the mirror?)

•Although I love the playful sound of the Judoon language, why didn't the TARDIS translate at first, even when the Doctor is speaking it? In "The Masque of Mandragora," the Fourth Doctor calls the automatic translation a "gift of the Time Lords" that he "shares" with his companions, but in "The Fires of Pompeii" the 10th made it sound more like an automatic feature of the TARDIS.

•The mutual admiration society when Harriet Jones hooked up the companions was cute: Gwen and Ianto liked the look of the Doctor; Capt. Jack was impressed by Sarah Jane; Donna liked Capt. Jack (prompting the Doctor to advise her, "Don't. Just…don't.")

•After Wilf shot a Dalek's eyestalk with a paintball, the Dalek evaporated the paint and boasted "My vision is not impaired." In the old days, a frequent method of escaping the Daleks was to obstruct the eyestalk, resulting in the squawk, "My vision is impaired! My vision is impaired!" while the helpless Dalek spun out of control. I gotta love Davies' winks at old-school fans!

•A number of the stolen planets (and the Lost Moon of Poosh from "Midnight") were mentioned before: According to ""Boom Town," Rose and the Ninth Doctor visited the planet called Woman Wept, which features a major land mass shaped like a weeping female. Clom is the twin planet of Raxacoricifallapatorius, home of the Slitheen family, and cited as home of the Abzorbaloff in "Love & Monsters." (Okay, I had to look up the spelling for those two places...) Donna explained Pyrovilia and Adipose III from earlier this season. BTW, how brilliant is Donna (Catherine Tate)? Like the Ninth Doctor said, "I only take the best!"

•When "former prime minister Harriet Jones" activated the subwave transmitter, the rhythm of the Master's drums was heard; perhaps she was using some version of the Archangel network from "The Sound of Drums"/"Last of the Time Lords"? (Kudos to Davies for having the Daleks say, "We know who you are" purely as a laugh line, since they've never met.)

•The Time War is time-locked. The Doctor had previously stated he couldn't go back and change things (in "Father's Day," for example), but this is the first time it was explicitly stated why. But now that Dalek Caan has broken the time lock, what other miracles are possible?

•The Doctor mentions a previous attempt to move the Earth "a long time ago." Well, that was actually tried twice before, and while both bids were in the Doctor's personal past, they will/did take place in Earth's future. The Doctor was most likely referring to an attempt by the Daleks themselves to steal the Earth in "The Dalek Invasion of Earth," which was set in the year 2164. The First Doctor foiled their bid to replace the Earth's core with a propulsion device. In "The Mysterious Planet," set around the year 2,000,000, the Sixth Doctor discovered that the Time Lords had moved the Earth several light years and renamed it "Ravalox" for reasons that are too complicated (and, frankly, silly) to go into here.

•Davies wanted to use the Doctor's regeneration as the "ultimate cliff-hanger," but technically 1969's season six ended on a regeneration: At the end of "The War Games," the Second Doctor was undergoing his transformation into the Third, and his new face was not revealed until 1970's "Spearhead in Space."

Where do we go from here? Several burning questions are roasting my brain:

•What will Davros do with the 27 planets, and where did he get the power to do it?

•What is the "Osterhagen Key," and why was Harriet Jones terrified that Martha might use it?
•Will the Doctor actually regenerate into his 11th incarnation?

•How can I possibly wait until Friday for the thrilling conclusion? How, I ask you — HOW?

Time travel was also a theme on MAD MEN. The second-season premiere was set on Valentine's Day 1962, and opened with the sounds of Chuck Berry's 1961 hit "Let's Twist Again," which aptly refers to twisting "last summer" — meaning 1960, the year of his hit "The Twist," and the setting of the first season of MAD MEN.

Once again, MAD MEN is a fascinating study in the way social norms have changed. Everyone still drinks like a fish and smokes like a chimney. And, in a sly nod at today's youth-obsessed culture, the idea that young people might have a fresh take on advertising is begrudgingly raised — and scoffed at. The night's biggest laugh line went to John Hamm's Don Draper, who harumphed, "Young people don't know anything." Ironically today, more than ever, we continue to kowtow to the under-25 demographic (in some cases under-18). The more things change...

All the women of the show were transfixed by Jackie Kennedy's tour of the White House. And Betty became entranced by the idea that a former colleague had become a "party girl" or call girl. Peggy suggested that "sex sells," but Don was also skeptical of that rule of thumb. If Don could peer into the future, he would know we now consider that a truism — thus the prostitution storyline on his show.

BTW, that was Seamus Dever (ex-Ian Devlin, GENERAL HOSPITAL) playing the rude man with the hat in the elevator. (I know; I almost blinked and missed him myself.)

But don't you dare miss the next installment of Night Shift...

July 25, 2008
Who would have thought that Cat Fancy is the toughest magazine on the newsstand? Okay, maybe not the toughest, but Michael did use a rolled up Cat Fancy to beat up two thugs on last night's BURN NOTICE. Talk about an improvised weapon!

The muscle men were working for a loan shark, and Michael had promised to rescue their victim (well, technically Fiona volunteered him for the case). Seems she was impressed the poor sap had gone to the shark to help his mother with her medical bills, only to lose the money to a con man. Fi admired a man who was willing to put love for someone else ahead of his own interests. Gee, do you think that was a not-subtle-at-all reference to Michael's obsession with getting to the bottom of his "burn notice" even if it means ignoring her and putting his own life on the line?

This turned out to be a big relationship episode, because Madeline finally pressed the issue of Michael's "breakup" with Fi. (He insisted to Sam that Fiona was never his girlfriend. But we don't buy that, do we?) Anyway, in true stoic hero fashion Michael refused to share his feelings with his mother — actually, make that "in true guy fashion" — so Madeline went to Fi for the scoop. The elder Westen told Fiona she was the best thing to ever happen to her son. Fiona revealed that compliment was more than Michael ever paid her. Madeline pointed out that Michael's father was exactly the same way: non-communicative. Fiona said she broke it off with Michael because she could not be the second most important thing in his life. Later, as Michael was helping his mother with the dishes (Yes, the man does dishes! He is a hero, after all...), she broached the subject again. Michael figured she was fishing for grandchildren, but she insisted she just wanted him to be happy. "Life is tough alone," she said. "Kids make the ride more fun." So getting a girlfriend wouldn't even be enough — he has to add kids?

Michael was incredulous that he and little brother Nate could have been considered "fun," but it's definitely fun to learn spy stuff from Michael. For instance, when it comes to cracking a cheap safe, it's easier to simply knock the lock off with a hammer than try to pick it or work the combination. I also learned that while most people who work at an embassy or consulate are civil servants, the head of security is almost always a spy. Michael boosted some low-level files and used them (and a camera) to blackmail Aseem of the Pakistani consulate into providing him with some old files on Carla. Perhaps Fi needs to blackmail Michael into facing his feelings for her.

Don't make me blackmail you into reading the next installment of Night Shift — especially since I'll be discussing part two of the three-part season finale of DOCTOR WHO! And who isn't excited about that?