March 13, 2009
Another Friday the 13th... that's two in a row so far for 2009. For the non-triskaidekaphobic (or even paraskavedekatriaphobic — those who fear Friday the 13th itself) among you, let's look at The CW's SUPERNATURAL, which was notable for bringing back two characters with faces familiar to soap fans: Lindsey McKeon (ex-Marah, GUIDING LIGHT) as Tessa the Reaper (from way back in the season two premiere last year, when Dean was mostly killed in the car crash); and DAWSON'S CREEK, 90210 guest Traci Dinwiddie as powerful psychic Pamela Barnes. In addition to those old friends, SUPERNATURAL brought in frequent STARGATE player Christopher Heyerdahl as the new manifestation of demon kingpin Alistair. Also along for the ride: Alexander Gould (Shane, WEEDS) as a dead kid.

The episode was called "Death Takes a Holiday," and the plot paralleled the 1934 Fredric March movie of the same name (which was remade in 1998 as the horrid Meet Joe Black with Brad Pitt and Anthony Hopkins), in which Death took on human form, so people stopped dying. On SUPERNATURAL, Alistair kidnapped the local Reaper, which meant people in Greybull, Wyo., stopped dying. Alistair's cunning plan was to open another biblical seal by slaying two Reapers; the disappearance of the Wyoming Reaper brought Tessa to town, where she ran into Sam and Dean, who were investigating the lack of deaths. The brothers realize the only way to see Reapers was to become ghosts themselves, so they summoned Pamela to teach them astral projection. Now, there were a lot of laugh lines and a ton of TV and movie references, but my favorite combination of those elements came when Dean realized that his ghost form would be able to interact with live humans, and he blurted out, "I am so feeling up Demi Moore!" Just as Patrick Swayze's character tried to do in the movie Ghost.

The boys foiled Alistair's plot, but "winning" meant that folks had to start dying again when Tessa resumed reaping souls. Dean complained to the angel Castiel, who reminded him, "To everything there is a season" (quoting Ecclesiastes 3:1). When Dean demanded to know why he was allowed to cheat Death (repeatedly), Castiel growled, "You're different." So what's with Dean? I would love to see Tessa again, as McKeon played her as very sympathetic and appealing. She seemed full of empathy for the souls she was culling; but she was also clear-eyed enough to realize that there is an order to things. Tessa gave him several pieces to the puzzle of what's going on with the season's umbrella plot of a war between heaven and hell. Dean thinks he was given a second chance by a merciful God, but Tessa warned him, "There's no such thing as miracles."

For that matter, what's with Sam? He is now so powerful that he can banish Alistair from a body with a gesture. Then he lied to Dean about it. Then he flat-out lied to Cole in order to get the boy to help them. How ironic that the blind Pamela saw right through him: "If you think you have good intentions," she whispered to him, "think again."

March 10, 2009
Watching CASTLE, the new mystery/romance on ABC, the first mystery that sprang to mind was, "Why isn't this show called MURDER, HE WROTE?" I mean a mystery writer who solves deadly real-life mysteries? At one point, Castle laments that the reason he killed off the star of his successful string of best-sellers was because he saw no more surprises in the stories; he knew every scene that was coming up. Ironically, that's also the problem here: CASTLE is a by-the-numbers MOONLIGHTING riff crossed with a standard sleuth storyline, ladled with standard-issue family "complications." Rick has a hot-to-trot mother (See? Senior citizens have pep!) who behaves like she just escaped from a road production of GOLDEN GIRLS, and a snarky 15-year-old daughter with an old soul who parents her Daddy — who is nothing more than a giant child himself. Rick is paired up with a sassy lady detective who is tougher-than-nails and would look like a model if she wore lipstick and got a decent haircut. Of course they are the "Will they/won't they?" couple, and she's the competent authority figure who dismisses him as "a 9-year-old on a sugar rush." CASTLE relies entirely — and I mean entirely — on Nathan Fillion's boundless charm. Luckily, Fillion oozes charisma and cannot help commanding every scene he's in with a personal magnetism that makes you forget he's basically playing Jessica Fletcher. Of course, I'm sure he likes to think he's a playing a better-behaved version of Capt. Mal Reynolds, the space rogue from FIREFLY/Serenity. Stana Katic (ex-Hanna, HEROES) is just playing a stereotype so far, so she is, by definition, "no fun," and it will take longer to warm up to her. Does CASTLE have the time? I hope so, because Fillion should be on TV more than stopping by ONE LIFE TO LIVE every few years.

I would have thought that DANCING WITH THE STARS would have an easier time signing…y'know, stars, but the show seems content to settle for niche celebrities. Perhaps the biggest name they had, Jewel, dropped out due to injury, leaving NFL legend Lawrence Taylor as the big cheese — although the show's target audience is unlikely to recognize the greatest linebacker who ever played the game. No, most viewers will no doubt be buzzing about emergency-replacement Melissa Rycroft, risking life, limb and self-respect fresh off her national humiliation on THE BACHELOR.

HEROES turned in another uneven episode last night — but I think that was a good thing, because the end was better than the beginning. The reappearance of Doyle at the end of last week turned out to be a false alarm, as "Rebel" had sent Doyle to Claire to be protected. Appealing to an old enemy for protection is a hoary soap cliché, but riffing on prepackaged ideas is sort of HEROES' thing. Its narrow worldview is reflected in the way the show keeps repeating itself with visions of nuclear holocaust, time travel, obnoxious new characters, and beating to death the "How do you stop an exploding man?" trope. The latter was a key element of the show, as Matt was wired with explosives — like he had painted — and had to be saved by Nathan, who always seems to draw the short straw when an exploding man needs to be stopped.

The other key element of the night was Sylar's search for his biological father, Samson Gray, was played by John Glover — SMALLVILLE's bad daddy, Lionel Luthor himself. Samson the taxidermist was the kind of cancer patient who smokes and doesn't fear the Reaper. And, naturally, Daddy has a power: He can take abilities, too. When he saw that Sylar/Gabriel possessed Claire's healing power, he decided to steal it and cure his lung cancer. I thought it was intriguing the way Samson appeared to focus his powers by whistling. Sylar was able to turn the tables on Daddy and walked out on the man who had walked out on him all those years ago. Want to know what surprised me about the whole sequence? Sylar slaughtering the rabbit to be stuffed. When he killed that bunny, I'll bet a lot of fangirls who were willing to forgive Sylar for cracking open the skulls of any number of people were mortified. It was a brave story choice, and perhaps the only way to restore Sylar to the bad old days when he was a faceless killer, not matinee idol Zachary Quinto. Speaking of killers, Danko made his move against Nathan, who pushed back by going directly to the president. After being fired, Danko decided the easiest way to learn whether Nathan can fly would be to just throw him out a window. (Gotta love the direct approach.) So now Danko knows Nathan has an ability. What will happen? I predict that HRG will counterpunch by discovering that Danko himself has a power, forcing the Hunter to go away while Noah takes over the Hero-hunting program.

Meanwhile, Noah's daughter, Claire, took a job at Sam's comic book shop in what can only be a bid to reconnect with the lapsed fanboy market. What comics geek doesn't dream of walking into his local shop for the new Wednesday comics and seeing Hayden Panettiere behind the counter? But Claire must have another job — one that would help her get a new identity for Doyle. Where did all those false documents come from? True, Sandra showed her how to make a fake driver's license last week; maybe the lesson also included other documentation. Or maybe Claire ordered them from the ads in the back of a comic book...

March 9, 2009
BATTLESTAR GALACTICA's Admiral Adama faced an ugly truth: Both of his ladies were dying — President Laura Roslin and the Galactica herself. The Cylon bio-resin was not bonding with the aging battlestar's alloys, and the ship was barely holding together. (She was projected to have maybe five FTL jumps left in her.) Lee explained to the fleet captains that the plan was to transfer the admiral's flag to the rebel Cylon base star — the only means left to defend the fleet — but the captains were more interested in picking apart the corpse of the great lady (Galactica, not Roslin). Meanwhile, Ellen suggested that Boomer would take the kidnapped Hera to "the Colony," where the Cylons went after the armistice. Ellen said the Five were trying to end the cycle of war between man and machine (all this has happened before, and will happen again), and Hera represents another chance at sexual reproduction (all this has happened before, and will happen again). Kara urged a rescue mission, but Bill shouted that he was finished with "destiny," "prophecies," "god" and "gods" because none of it had helped; every appeal to higher powers had led to this point: nowhere. And talk about a breakdown in discipline: Bill and Laura toked up right there in sick bay? Not far away in sick bay, an Eight lay dying, and before she passed she told her "father," Saul, that there was "too much confusion" — a line from "All Along the Watchtower," the song that carries so much significance for the skinjobs. (Will it turn out that Bob Dylan was a humanoid Cylon?)

While on the hijacked Raptor, Boomer was cruel to little Hera, who revealed that she was capable of Cylon projection. Meanwhile the parents she left behind, Helo and Athena, were at odds as she struggled to deal with the loss of her child and Karl accidentally having sex with her twin, Boomer. That "dream" of the Opera House she had with Roslin and Caprica sure smacked of projection, so could Athena use it to contact Hera? Kara tried to connect with Anders, who was placed in a Hybrid tank and began speaking/behaving like a Hybrid. He began babbling, including claiming, "All this has happened before and will happen again," and, "You are the harbinger of death, Kara Thrace." But Baltar thought she was more than a "mere" harbinger of death — she was Death (or at least dead). He declared to all and sundry that the blood on her dog tags was from "necrotic flesh," and branded her "living proof" of life after death. He suggested she has "crossed over." But that still doesn't explain what she is — a ghost? A demon? Bill crossed over the line (again) when he flipped out with the paint, but instead of deciding to make as fortune as the Colonial Jackson Pollack, he decided to abandon ship and strip Galactica for parts. I guess March 20 really will be the end of the line...

As the second season of BREAKING BAD got under way, science teacher Walter White calculated that he needed to amass $737,000 dollars in order to leave his family a sufficient nest egg when he dies of inoperable lung cancer in a couple of months. That means he and partner Jesse (Aaron Paul) need to cook enough crystal meth for 11 more drug deals with the psychotically unstable Tuco (Raymond Cruz). But can they, when Tuco seems to be killing his own associates and Walt's brother-in-law Hank (Dean Norris) the DEA agent is zeroing in on the mysterious new drug lord in town? The new season amplifies the paranoia that began to take hold in the second half of the freshman season. With Walt and Jesse spooked by every dark van on every corner, they resolve to kill Tuco before he can kill them first. But leave it to Walt to…er, cook up a plan to murder the drug lord with ricin by refining castor beans. Sure, it's more untraceable than bullets, but yeesh, talk about a complicated plan! Still, that's part and parcel of what makes BREAKING BAD so entertaining: seeing stuff you won't find on law-and-order shows. Star Bryan Cranston took home last year's Emmy for lead actor for playing Walt, it's a damn shame more people aren't tuning in to AMC at 10 o'clock on Sunday nights for this show. BAD is so good, you need to try it, and it needs every viewer it can get.

Contrast BREAKING BAD with another underperforming show: FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS. I am fully aware that my dislike of FNL is mostly irrational — but I still really hate it. Part of the reason stems from my conviction that the vast majority of the show's "fans" claim to like it because they're supposed to like. FNL is one of what I call The Emperor's New Shows. People fall all over themselves to proclaim their love for a show because they think it will make them look sophisticated. That must be the reason this dull-as-watching-grass-wither-and-die show boasts even the tiny audience it has. Because I cannot believe even the people who are on it would watch it on their own. And I love football, so it's not the sports. It's the plots that pass for "stories" I cannot get behind. This week, Tami (Connie Britton) wanted to buy a house they couldn't afford, so we got to watch Eric (Kyle Chandler) stand stock-still in the foyer and fume that they couldn't afford it, while she rhapsodized about the size of the backyard. Zzzzzzz. (I am leaving aside the fact that the episode was shot in early 2008, before the idea of taking out a mortgage you couldn't afford became more anathema than joining a terrorist cell.) And, of course, the most viewer-unfriendly aspect of the show is the laughable camerawork. I used to think the camera operators were just clumsy and constantly dropping them to the ground, and the-powers-that-be decided to use the footage captured on the way down rather than pay to remount the scene. But now I realize it's all just embarrassingly self-indulgent directors who are ignoring their responsibility to tell stories (not that I blame them, with these scripts!) in favor of flashy camera movements that distract the viewer's eye. Instead of watching some parent complain because his son hasn't been elected president — I mean, starting running back — I see the camera doing somersaults, as if to say "Hey! Look at me! Look at the way I'm moving the camera! Instead of focusing on the character doing the talking, I'm spinning around the actor's left ear and then zooming in on the salt shaker in the kitchen in the background! Isn't that, like, just so arty?". Annoying is what it is.

March 6, 2009
The season finale of BURN NOTICE really went out with a bang. Several of them, in fact. Y'know how everybody dies in the climactic final moments of the Godfather movies? Well, this was a little like that, only with more boats, helicopters and bikinis.

As we got closer to the truth, thing got more and more confusing as it was revealed that Carla (Tricia Helfer) and Victor (Michael Shanks) were both burned spies themselves; Carla went into business for herself and forcibly recruited Vic by killing his family. His quest for revenge brought him into alignment with Michael (Jeffrey Donovan). Mike and Vic gathered enough intel and dirt on Carla to go to her boss, code-named Management (and played by John Mahoney), who explained to Michael that he had been protecting him from all his old enemies. When Michael demanded to be released from the life, Management withdrew his protection, and Michael made a literal leap of faith — about 100 feet from a helicopter — into the open ocean. So we last see Michael literally at sea, struggling to keep his head above water. I love that kind of metaphorical stuff. It was a baptism of sorts into a new life. The status quo for season three will be the same, yet completely different! Michael is, if anything, even more burned — if Management is to be believed.

This episode featured many more stunts and car chases than usual, leading to my favorite spy tip of the night: If you get in a firefight during a car chase, aim to ricochet your bullets off the pavement and up through the floorboards of the pursuing vehicle. (How can you not love a show that dispenses advice like that?!) Also, nondairy creamer mixed with gunpowder will generate a really explosive (and dangerous) distraction! Sam (Bruce Campbell) and Madeline (Sharon Gless) really got a chance to shine as he protected her from thugs. Madeline showed not only a backbone, but genuine concern for her son's safety over her own. Plus, she keeps a shotgun in the house.

I was sorry to say goodbye to the amorally fun Carla and Victor, who were shot dead by Fiona and Michael, respectively. (Well, Michael sort of just finished off Vic.) No more Carla means Helfer has to find another job, what with her tenure as BATTLESTAR GALACTICA's Six also wrapped. Coincidentally, Shanks' decade-long gig with the STARGATE franchise is also...uh, in transition.

The new season of BURN NOTICE ignites in June.

March 5, 2009
Last night's episode of LOST saw the end of uncontrolled time travel, but marked the return of a mistake from the past: concentrating way too much on new characters viewers don't care about. The show was devoted to watching Sawyer, Jin, Juliet, Miles and Faraday integrate into the DHARMA Initiative. And it was certainly less than compelling; I'm hard-pressed to recall much of what went on (which is why I take notes). The storyline oscillated (in a very controlled manner) between 1974 and 1977 (I guess the-powers-that-be wanted to leave 1973 to their lead-out, LIFE ON MARS), and revealed how our friends ingratiated themselves to Horace and the DHARMA peeps. The most significant development saw Sawyer settling down with Juliet (who even looks good with hideous '70s hair; Sawyer looked wimpy) — just in time for Kate to show up! How soapy! Sawyer adopted the identity of "James LaFleur," but using a fake name is nothing new for our slippery pal James Ford, right?

The highlight for me was probably the glimpse of an enormous statue that most likely only had four toes. (C'mon, like there was another colossal statue on the island?) Oh, and Sawyer made a crack about Richard Alpert's eyeliner (Seriously, the guy appears to be bordering on Capt. Jack Sparrow territory!) Sure, it was nice to see Reiko Aylesworth (ex-Rebecca, ONE LIFE TO LIVE; ex-Michelle, 24) get a job, and Doug Hutchison's (ex-Sebastian, GUIDING LIGHT) hair as Horace made him look almost as scary as when he played the mutant Eugene Victor Tooms on THE X-FILES. This is the third time Horace has appeared: He was there when Ben was born by the side of the road in Oregon (and later brought Ben and his father, Roger, to the Island) but ironically missed the birth of his own son. Horace also appeared to Locke in a dream, acting out the building of Jacob's cabin. You know how I like to point out in these blogs whenever Patrick Fischler (Jimmy Barrett, MAD MEN; ex-Jimmy, PUSHING DAISIES) makes an appearance on any show? Well, here he played DHARMA security guard Phil alongside Kevin Rankin's (Herc, FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS) Jerry. Phil and Jerry were supposed to be watching polar bears, heh-heh. I assume they were tethered to the Frozen Donkey Wheel. Aylesworth's Amy was able to give birth in the camp, which seemed to indicate that whatever was keeping women from delivering on the island in the 21st century hadn't happened yet. In 1974, Faraday saw a little red-haired girl that he believed to be Charlotte, but Ben previously had claimed that Charlotte was born in 1979, so was that really her? Finally, the episode synced up with the end of "316" by wrapping with Jin delivering Jack, Hurley and Kate to Sawyer. Worst. Episode. This. Season.

Now that I think about it, disappointment was a recurring theme this week, because Monday's HEROES was also severely weakened by repeating an unpopular old trope: namely, Claire gets a boring boyfriend. Yes, the episode was consumed by Claire trying to keep Danko from holding a fish-fry with Aqualad Alex. It would have been easier to send him to Albuquerque, like she wanted. However, I have to admit it was nice to see Sandra stand up for herself. She's sick of being lied to by her black-ops-loving husband and heroine-wannabe daughter? It's about time she showed off some skills. Granted, cobbling together a fake ID doesn't compare to regenerating from knife wounds or hunting psycho-killers, but it was Sandra's determination that counted. Among the character insight gleaned: She married Noah because he was dangerous and handsome, and she bought into his bad-boy act. But it's different to actually be married to an international man of mystery.

•Does anyone else think "Rebel" is really Nathan? (I think questioning his mother was just a red herring.)
•The best part of Sylar's story: hearing Fleetwood Mac's "The Chain" played over those flashbacks.
•How oblivious is Danko, that he still doesn't know Nathan can fly? Or that Rachel — whom he assigned to watch Noah's house! — can teleport? Perhaps he's just blinded by his hatred. I wonder when we will get his backstory; I'm guessing a powered person was responsible for the death of someone he loved, and now he wants revenge. Or else he has a power himself and is consumed by self-loathing. Yeah, that's it!

March 2, 2009
Big doings on BATTLESTAR GALACTICA this week for Starbuck and Boomer — and DAYS OF OUR LIVES alum Roark Critchlow had a rather significant guest role: He portrayed the mysterious piano player Kara called "Slick," who tickled the ivories in Joe's Bar. It has been some weeks since the mutiny, and Kara was back to serving as Commander, Air Group (CAG), delivering the daily briefings to the Viper and Raptor pilots, who now include a significant number of Sixes and Eights working as planet hunters and flying Combat Air Patrol (CAP, protecting the fleet). In a rare bit of humor, Kara offered the first pilot to find a habitable world "the last tube of Tauron toothpaste in the universe," labeled Felgercarb. This is especially funny because "felgercarb" was, like "frak," a made-up cuss word in the original 1979 series. Whereas frak was a fun replacement for the f-bomb, felgercarb stood in for the s-word. Kara was wearing down from the endless grind, and found herself spending more time in Joe's Bar, where she encountered "Slick" (real name unknown - or is it? Read on…) Kara initially complained about Slick's attempts to compose a song, but he eventually drew her into helping him, sharing memories of her composer father along the way. (The only item she valued among her possessions was a recording of her father's performance, called Dreilide Thrace Live at the Helice Opera House.) She realizes the song Slick is "composing" is the exact same tune her father worked on — one that comforted her as a child. Eventually Slick is able to tease the tune out of her, and we realize it is... "All Along the Watchtower"! And, just as Kara and Slick revel in playing the entire song, Saul, Ellen and Tory confront Starbuck — but Slick is no longer beside her! Egads! He was all in her head! He was either a total hallucination, or a virtual being, like the Virtual-Six that appears in Baltar's head. So why? Could he be her father? It would make sense... she loved playing that song with her father. And Slick claimed he left his family because his wife wanted him to quit playing piano — exactly like Dreilide abandoned Kara and her mother, Socrata. And here's where it gets really freakkin' complicated: Remember back when the fleet landed on the blasted Earth a few episodes ago — Anders claimed he wrote that song there for the woman he loved 2,000 years ago! Kara said her father used to play the song and it made her happy — so is she the reincarnation of the woman Anders loved — is she a previously unknown 13th Cylon model? Or perhaps a new incarnation of the permanently-boxed Daniel line?

Reincarnation — or, more precisely, downloading — played a big part in Boomer's story this week. A new Six, called Sonja, was elected to the Quorum, and petitioned that Boomer be turned over to the rebel Cylons so she can try for treason for siding with Cavil — and execute her! Tyrol begged Roslin to refuse extradition, but the president refused. In fact, she signed the extradition order right in front of him! How cold was that? Obviously, Roslin was holding a grudge for Boomer shooting Bill at the end of season one, but we can hardly blame her (Bill hasn't forgiven Sharon, either). Tormented by memories of Boomer dying in his arms after Cally pulled a Jack Ruby and killed her, Tyrol visited Sharon, who told him, "I thought about you every day from that moment I died in your arms." To prove it, she used Cylon Projection to show him an image of the home on Picon they dreamed of back when they were lovers; a home that included a daughter called "Dionne." Determined not to lose her again, Tyrol attacked an Eight from the work crew, and staged a power outage to swap out Boomer. Dressed as the worker Eight, Boomer went to the pilot locker room where, unfortunately, Athena recognized her, forcing Boomer to take her out. Helo entered and mistook Boomer for Athena, so Boomer took the opportunity to get physical with Karl. That was highly ironic, because Hera was conceived on Caprica when the Sharon who would eventually take the name Athena pretended to be Boomer and tricked Karl into making love to her. So here, Boomer pretended to be Athena and had sex with Karl. Then she went to daycare and spirited away Hera. Boomer then coldly attempted to use the child as a human (well, half-human) shield to cover her escape from Galactica. As Boomer tried to flee, she clipped a wing on the hull! Sharon originally got her callsign, "Boomer," not because of her sexual reputation, but because she was known for loud and clumsy landings; here it was her takeoff that went "boom." And then she made things worse by jumping in close proximity to Galactica — with devastating results! Galactica was already suffering significant structural damage due to aging (the battlestar is well over 50 years old). The spatial distortion from the jump ripped vast holes in the battleship's hull. Can Galactica be saved? As Boomer disappeared, Roslin shouted "Hera" and collapsed. What was that about? What was the entire plot about? Ellen figured it out: Boomer "escaping" with Ellen was all a plot by Cavil to get Hera. He was willing to lose Ellen to get the hybrid child. But why?

February 27, 2009
BURN NOTICE went out of its way to be as soapy as possible this week, introducing Michael's previously unknown former fiancée and a son who may or may not be Michael's! BURN NOTICE also brought in a passel of familiar faces. In addition to the returns of Tricia Helfer (ex-Six, BATTLESTAR GALACTICA) as Carla and Michael Shanks (Daniel Jackson, STARGATE: SG-1 and ATLANTIS) as Victor, we also met Dina Meyer (ex-Roxy, NIP/TUCK; ex-Barbara, BIRDS OF PREY) as Samantha, while Jay Karnes (ex-Det. Dutch Wagenbach, THE SHIELD) filled the snarky villain role, Brennen. Thief Samantha came to Michael because Brennen had blackmailed her into stealing a missile guidance system by kidnapping her son. Samantha used the possibility that Michael might be his daddy to compel him to help her get the boy back without letting the guidance system end up on the black market.
B Relax, little Charlie was not Michael's spawn (and Michael came up with a typically brilliant plan to save the boy and the guidance system) — but that reveal didn't make things any easier for Fiona, who practically had to be physically restrained from launching herself at Sam. This episode was so heavy with Michael/Fi subtext that it practically became the text! Fiona's jealousy/confusion has been percolating for weeks now, recently manifesting in her resenting Michael's bromance with Sam Axe (Bruce Campbell), so her head was about to explode when Samantha showed up on his doorstep. (And given Fi's skill with guns and explosives, that festering anger is more dangerous than most women's.) Michael and Fiona still both insist they're no longer an item, but in classic soap form, both wallow in Meaningful Glances and Things Left Unspoken. Except that this time, Michael actually said some stuff: He explained to Fi how Samantha proposed to him after a whirlwind romance — and the reason he broke up with Sam was because he met Fiona and fell in love her. Awww. How will that confession affect Fiona?

After the mission was over, Sam and Michael parted ways on a bittersweet note: "Charlie's not yours, but he could have been," Sam sighed. "A lot of things could have been," he replied, wearily. They kissed, and she left.

A couple of random fun points from the episode:

•Brennen told Fi, "I'm exactly as smart as I think I am," which was funny because his Detective Wagenbach was well-known for not being quite as smart as he thought he was. (He ranked himself roughly on par with Columbo and Sherlock Holmes.)

•Michael's advice about breaking into maximum-security facilities: "Trip one sensor and you're toast; trip 100, and nobody knows what to do."

•Samantha and Michael acknowledged their still-simmering attraction by checking each other out as they stripped to their skivvies and put on clean suits at the facility.

•Michael apologized to his mother for being such an uncommunicative... uh, handful, and for letting his messy life of international intrigue interfere with her quiet domesticity.

While all the emotional angst was going on, Michael was also trying to work a deal to team up with Victor against Carla — because it appeared that she had also burned Victor. After trading bullets in a game of cat-and-mouse, Michael gave up on teaming up and got the drop on Victor with a homemade Taser and set out to trade him to Carla (who wants revenge for Victor killing her operatives) in exchange for Carly telling Michael who burned him. That set up next week's season finale...

February 26, 2009
"I remember dying."
— John Locke/Jeremy Bentham

LOST seems to be returning to its first-season roots a little bit, with a plotline about a jet crash and confused survivors living on a beach. A guy named "Caesar" has assumed a leadership position with the survivors of Flight 316 — why am I not surprised? And why am I not surprised that John Locke is alive again? The island seems to specialize in keeping him in one piece. As Locke stared thoughtfully at the ocean, he told Ilana: "I remember dying." That led into an old-fashioned flashback, complete with the sound of the slamming airplane hatch. Ah, the good ol' days… As expected, John landed in Tunisia, just as Ben did. The site was monitored by cameras set up by Charles Widmore (played by Alan Dale who, based on the cool factor of the shows he guests on, has one of the best agents in Hollywood), who told Locke he monitors the spot because "that's the exit." Widmore had Locke’s horrific leg fracture repaired (BTW, LOST powers-that-be, enough with manhandling the broken leg bones already! Revolting! I’m serious!). He further revealed that he met Locke on the island when he was 17, and —most importantly — that Ben tricked him into leaving the island. "I was their leader," Widmore said. He guessed Locke's mission was to return the Oceanic 6 to the island and vowed to help, because he claimed there is a war coming, and if Locke isn't on the island, "the wrong side is going to win." Does he mean his own war with Ben, or a real shooting war among armies, a la the Losties vs. Others from earlier seasons? One quick casualty of the ongoing Widmore/Ben war was the creepy Mr. Abaddon, who was brutally gunned down by Ben after revealing that his job is to get people where they need to go. I guess he needed to go six feet under. (BTW, the Bible refers to Abaddon as the realm of the dead — similar to Sheol, and a "place of destruction.") Sure, it was shockingly abrupt, but his portrayer, Lance Reddick, already has a full-time gig on J.J. Abrams' other series, FRINGE. And being dead sure ain’t no impediment to appearing on this show! I loved the elegant simplicity of the explanation for Locke calling himself "Jeremy Bentham" — that's simply the name on the fake Canadian passport that Widmore secures for him. Widmore remarked that he selected the name of the British philosopher because Locke’s own parents obviously had a similar sense of humor. I had to laugh at all the elaborate theories bouncing around the Web about Locke going back in time to assume the role of the historical Bentham or the real John Locke. Turns out it was just literally a joke!

We got to see Locke/Bentham make the rounds we heard about previously, when he politely asked the escaped Losties to return to the island. Best reaction: Hugo casually assuming Locke was a ghost — then becoming totally terrified when he realized the man in the wheelchair was actually alive, not dead! The encounter with Kate was telling, as well, as she cut him to the quick by coldly asking if he's ever loved someone, then calling him on being angry and controlling. Locke also visited Walt, and Abaddon mentioned how much the boy had grown, — indicating he had been under surveillance at some point. Locke's lone success came when he told a skeptical Jack, "Your father says hello."

Ben was incensed that Locke was cooperating with Widmore, because Ben had moved the island in order to keep Widmore from finding it. Widmore had dispatched the freighter Kahana to the island to kill Ben as revenge for displacing him as leader. (So Ben was telling the truth in that case.) Locke despaired of getting anyone — let alone everyone — to return to the island ("There is no helping me; I'm a failure," he sobbed), so he attempted to hang himself. Apparently he was thinking his death would somehow magically bring about the return of the Oceanic 6; talk about a leap of faith! However, Ben arrived and literally talked Locke down. They discussed Widmore and the island, but Ben was only interested in playing "It's a small world" for so long; when Locke mentioned Eloise Hawking, Ben flipped out and strangled him! What the—? I think Ben must have figured that if Locke knows about Ms. Hawking, Locke would not need Ben to get back to the island. Ben was/will be Jack’s connection to Eloise when Jack tries to gather the Oceanic 6. Locke had all the tools to do it himself, and Ben must not have wanted to be left behind. To cover the crime, Ben staged the suicide Locke had contemplated. We saw Ben pocket Jin's ring. (Recall that last week Ben noted Locke didn't come to him; he went to Locke.) But don’t cry for John just yet, Argentina — Locke will no doubt get the last laugh, as he found a wounded, helpless Ben asleep in the 316 camp. "He's the man who killed me," Locke growled. BTW, this camp was clearly the same compound that Sawyer, Juliet, Faraday, Miles and Charlotte found earlier this season.

The only thing about this episode that I had a real problem with was, why were Caesar (portrayed by Said Taghmaoui, perhaps best known as Hamid from Showtime’s SLEEPER CELL) and Ilana (played by Zuleikha Robinson, who was Eva on Fox’s short-lived NEW AMSTERDAM, the show about an immortal man in New York City) acting so suspicious — of each other and everyone else?. Why instantly assume there must be something bad about Locke, just because nobody remembered him from the plane? Why such a sinister vibe that almost echoed the early appearances of the Others? Perhaps Ilana was suspicious because she's some kind of cop? It just struck me as a totally unnecessary attempt at generating tension. Wouldn’t crash survivors be more interested in finding food and water than conducting investigations into people? If Caesar and pals are on the island, they shouldn’t begrudge anyone else being on the island.

Ever wonder what one does after unsuccessfully running for president of the United States? If you're Fred Thompson, you get a new acting gig as an authority figure. In his case, Thompson played Harry Wolf, chief of detectives, on LIFE ON MARS. Seems like a step down from the district attorney he played on LAW & ORDER.

February 24, 2009
Okay, I have to say that I lost patience with HEROES last night thanks to the very last scene of the episode: Matt painted a mural Washington, D.C., being destroyed by a nuclear blast. Ugh. Another nuclear blast? And, to make it more familiar, Matt painted himself apparently strapped with explosives, blowing up! Isaac did the very same paintings — including a mural on his floor — in the first season (featuring New York as ground zero)! How many times have we seen a prescient painting of some nuclear explosion that is supposed to herald the end of the world? Every volume? I guess we should be thankful it wasn't New York. But c'mon, is it in the series bible that every volume has to contain one of these pesky Armageddon paintings? It's bad enough that Matt has been afflicted with "paint the future" power that I hate, but does it have to be "paint the future as long as you foresee atomic blasts." The lack of imagination this betrays is staggering. It's almost like there's somebody on the writing staff with the power to suck imagination out of the minds of other writers, like some sort of twisted version of the Haitian. So next week the question will be, "How do you stop yet another exploding man?" What made this shockingly non-shocking ending even more maddening for me was that it came at the end of an episode that focused on my favorite character, HRG. Noah was drugged and captured at the end of last week, and last night Matt used his mental powers to interrogate him. And the process hurt. We learned that Nathan approached a jobless Noah with an offer to run his operation to round up people, sequester them, and find a way to deactivate them. But the Hunter, Danko, was placed in charge, apparently at the behest of people above Nathan, and HRG found himself taking orders from a True Believer. "These aren't terrorists you're hunting; they're people," HRG argued. "They're targets," Danko corrected him.

The interrogation raised some of the very same questions that HEROES' timeslot competition, 24, is examining this season: How far should the good guys go in pursuing the bad guys in order to protect the innocents? If "good guys" stoop to the tactics of the "bad guys," are they still "good guys"? Do the ends always justify the means? What if it's really necessary to torture in order to save lives? Who makes that call? That is a conversation worth having, not "How do we stop an exploding man this week?" Of course, since HRG is made of awesome, he is not really rounding up evolved humans and sending them to concentration camps; he's an undercover agent for Angela Petrelli who ordered him to ingratiate himself with the Nathan/Danko faction by whatever means necessary. "You know me," he winked. "I've always been comfortable with morally gray."

A couple of random observations about this truly disappointing episode:

•HRG's lock combination was 7957, which I believe was the same code he told Claire to use to override the security locks in Level 5.
•Since Peter got from Costa Verde, Calif., to Washington D.C. in mere moments, he must have taken a ballistic trajectory, which means instead of flying low over the terrain, he flew straight up to the edge of space, adjusted his angle, and then flew straight down on the East Coast.
•How good is Danko's security detail if they don't guard windows, and nobody spotted Angela sitting mere feet away from his final meeting with HRG?

Leaving that behind, Jesse Lee Soffer (ex-Will, AS THE WORLD TURNS) appeared on CSI: MIAMI as Shane Huntington, a spoiled a rich guy who was in therapy because, "I can't access my feeling." He was completely amoral, but spoiler alert! not the killer.

February 23, 2009
Ellen Tigh returned to the fleet on BATTLESTAR GALLACTICA this week on to the astonishment of all (Hot Dog: "How many dead chicks are out there?") and the delight of Saul. I love that she wanted a drink first thing out of the gate. I'm sure Cavil barred booze from the baseship. Funny how Ellen didn't seem to hold a grudge against him for poisoning her. In fact, it wasn't even entirely clear if she knew/suspected he'd killed her. (Unless you consider her pouncing on Saul to be "revenge sex"?) Ellen was accompanied by Sharon Valerii, and Tyrol took a moment to look her in the eye before recognizing Boomer. Admiral Adama ordered her immediately locked up; I guess he still holds a grudge for her shooting him in the season one finale. Apparently Tyrol also holds a grudge: Recall that he used to be Boomer's lover, but he no doubt recalls how Boomer almost let him die when Baltar injected him with a toxin in a bid to compel Sharon to talk during an interrogation. Boomer was later shot dead by Cally (who would go on to marry Tyrol), and downloaded back into the Cylon fleet, where she eventually aligned with Cavil.But who could blame Ellen for being upset with Saul's involvement with Caprica-Six? After all, Ellen revealed that she and Saul created the Sixes, which makes his tryst sound almost like incest. Still, it produced the first ever Cylon/Cylon baby, which cut Ellen to the quick. She couldn't resist tormenting Caprica about her previous relationship with Saul (and their "welcome back" sex) and how she and Saul should join the rest of the Five and jump away from the fleet. That argument upset Caprica so much she miscarried the unborn Liam. (Wow, does it get any more soapy than that?) And how great was it that Saul went running back to his friend Bill and they grieved together?

Another significant Six-related development was the reappearance of the Virtual Six in Baltar's mind for the first time since last season. It may have been significant that Baltar was under extreme duress, struggling with Paula for control of his religious followers and faced with the threat of the violent Sons of Ares. Perhaps Virtual-Six is really just Baltar's aggressive side, cloaked in a sheep's clothing? Cylons are also being integrated throughout Galactica, with numerous Sixes helping with repairs (using the Cylon living "goop") and even flying Combat Air Patrol in heavy raiders! Bill and Saul got drunk, and Bill admitted he needs Cylon help to repair and defend the ship (most likely because the pilot ranks were depleted by the mutiny). At one time Adama feared integrating the Cylons would make Galactica a blended ship, but by episode's end he was forced to admit, "It's already happened, hasn't it?" But not smoothly: A Six was attacked in Dogsville and forced to break some arms to defend herself. And the rebel Cylons themselves were far from harmonious, split as they are by petty jealousies. Ironic that the Cylon resin is now physically holding Galactica together; Cylon personnel are uniting the crew (either via mutual hatred or pitching in to do work); and the Cylons are tearing themselves apart...