Friday, May 27, 2005
Greenlee accused Kendall of lying after Kendall blurted out Ryan's plans to undergo a vasectomy, insisting that Ryan would never make a decision like that behind her back. Kendall's advice? "Wake up." She explained how she came to discover Ryan's secret — and that Ryan had sworn her to secrecy. Greenlee was stunned, and furious, that Kendall had kept this from her. Kendall tried to defend her actions, but Greenlee wasn't hearing it and accused Kendall of wanting Ryan for herself. After declaring their friendship kaput, Greenlee tore out of the room.

Ryan was confronted by a vision of Jonathan. He tried to will Jonathan away, but his efforts failed. Jonathan (who has changed hairstyles since dying) taunted Ryan about how he'll never escape the Lavery curse. Braden and Ryan's father then appeared as well. "We're here to stay," announced his pop. Ryan lashed out at his dad for the abuse he inflicted on his boys and wife and insisted he'd never treat his loved ones in a similar fashion. When all of his relatives started yelling at once, Ryan started to lose it, but was able to get the menfolk to vanish.

Simone and Dani were turned away when they tried to sneak into the private club Ryan has been frequenting. Simone became increasingly concerned that Ryan was cheating on Greenlee and acknowledged to Dani that she intended to tell Greenlee that Ryan is having an affair. Dani said she wouldn't allow Simone to do so.

Maddie lashed out at Sam for blowing their get-out-of-Pine-Valley plan. Maria broke up their argument and told her kids they were going to work through this as a family, but they had other plans. Maria was horrified when Sam revealed the sexual harassment Maddie had experienced by high schoolers in response to the tabloid reports about Maria's antics. Maddie wasn't reassured when Maria swore she and Zach had said their final good-bye, but Maria vowed to do whatever it takes to repair the damage she'd done to their family.

Lily ran into Zach in the pool room down in Florida; she recognized him as the man who didn't kill the man in the wheelchair and as the guy her boyfriend hates. When Zach explained that he was there because he'd lost something, Lily offered to put her detective skills to use. "You're a nice girl," praised Zach. Lily tried to understand what Zach's expression meant, so she asked him for guidance. Zach ruefully replied that his face was that of a man who's been wrong about everything his whole life. He then explained to Lily who was on the list of people who hate him: Erica, Sam, Ethan... When Lily asked where Zach went wrong with Ethan, he said he messed up by making a series of bad choices — and confirmed that Ethan hates him even more than Sam does. Lily then led Zach through a parental skills exercise and prescribed unconditional love as the antidote to Ethan's venom. Zach was moved when Lily handed him a life jacket. In a montage, Zach, Maria, Kendall, Greenlee and Ryan separately nursed regrets over the shoddy state of affairs in their lives.

In the morning, Maria reported to Sam that she'd come up with a plan to mend their situation: Moving out of Pine Valley. Sam wanted nothing to do with her scheme. Maddie paid a visit to her dad's crypt and vowed revenge against Zach. Zach, meanwhile, showed up at Kendall's and announced that he'd made an important decision: He's dropping his suit to regain Cambias. Therefore, he said, if she wanted out of the marriage, he would grant her a divorce.

Reggie took Lily aside for a brother-to-sister chat about Sam and the birds and the bees, but his attempts to convince Lily to stop "practice-kissing" with Sam backfired.

Greenlee surprised Ryan by coming home early. "I know," she divulged. "Kendall told me what you're planning to do." She started to make a plea for him to reverse his decision, but Ryan interrupted her with the news that it was too late: the procedure was done.

Thursday, May 26, 2005
Tad and Aidan prepared to meet with Diana Cole, who might be able to provide info about the Jane Doe that Tad thinks could be Dixie, and who could shed light on who "Di Cole" really is. The woman showed up and gave a physical description of the Jane Doe that matched Dixie's. Diana also revealed that the woman was interested in her work in child care and that she (like Dixie) suffered from a kidney disorder. Tad and Aidan thanked her for the info and escorted her out. Even though it appeared that the Di Cole currently in the Chandler mansion had borrowed her name and aspects of her identity from this other Diana Cole (and was therefore potentially the Jane Doe) Aidan tried to point out to Tad that nothing concrete tied Di to Dixie. Tad resolved to get to the bottom of the matter, so Aidan elected to go to London to track down the Jane Doe's last known address. After the men left, David showed up and paid "Diana Cole" for planting false evidence with Tad and Aidan.

JR hung out at the Roadside Bar, taunting Babe about what a risk she poses to their son. Di walked in and Babe approached her, demanding to know who was watching Little Adam while his nanny was out cruising bars. Di explained that it was her night off; the baby was with Stuart. Di then confirmed to JR that she'd gone to the bar to get some face time with Babe, but JR wasn't fond of the idea of Di reassuring Babe that her son was being well taken care of. But Di got to JR by appealing to his love for Little Adam. After JR left, Di promised Babe that she meant her no harm and sincerely wanted to be friends — but warned her that she might become her enemy, if crossed. Babe apologized for her paranoia and promised to try to make peace with JR.

Jamie suggested that Amanda move into Myrtle's boardinghouse, but Amanda balked at the idea since Myrtle knew Janet "at her craziest." After Jamie assured Amanda that their friendship was on good stead, she made a pointed comment about how useful it is to have big bucks. Jamie told Amanda that Phoebe's money was a bribe and he wanted nothing to do with it. He then told Amanda all about Babe and why he loves her so much.

Jack and Erica returned to their cabin and started to get passionate, but they were startled by a noise. Its source? Lily, who ended up accidentally stowed away on the yacht when she came aboard to deliver a slice of wedding cake to the newlyweds. While Erica fielded Lily's questions about the definition of aphrodisiac, Jack discovered that Reggie, too, was a passenger on the yacht. (He'd come looking for Lily.) After a bout of seasickness, Reggie proposed that he and Lily return to shore. Once alone for real, Jack and Erica lovingly consummated their marriage.

A slip of the tongue by Kendall alerted Greenlee to the fact that something was afoot with Ryan. Greenlee demanded to know what Kendall was keeping from her. When Kendall spotted Zach and Ethan battling from her balcony, they tore out of the room. The fight between Zach and Ethan broke out after Zach urged his son to go after what he wants. Ethan responded by striking his father. Ethan brandished a weapon but before he could do serious damage to Zach, Kendall and Greenlee raced in. Kendall begged Ethan not to take out his anger with her on Zach. After a tense moment, he let Zach go. Kendall then ordered Zach to leave her and Ethan alone and passionately apologized to her ex. But when she begged Ethan to take her back, he refused: "Our love is dead, Kendall. You killed it." Zach then showed up and declared Ethan to be an idiot. A forlorn Kendall returned to her room, where Greenlee begged her to start seeing Ryan's therapist. Greenlee pushed Kendall a bit too far, so Kendall burst forth with the truth: Ryan's doctor is not a therapist, he's a surgeon who is "going to make sure Ryan never has a baby with you, or with anyone."

Maria stopped by Ryan's in the hopes of salvaging their friendship. He set her mind at ease about the repercussions of her outburst at the banquet for Edmund. Ryan then got a call from Greenlee; he avoided her questions about whether he'd been to the doctor. Ryan reported to Maria that he was taking control of his life; she praised him for getting back on track. Ryan advised Maria to take the reins of her own family's destiny, then escorted her out. Once alone, a vision of a menacing Jonathan appeared to Ryan.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Greenlee, Reggie and Kendall shared emotional good-byes with Bianca before she returned to Paris with Miranda. Shortly thereafter, Zach found Greenlee under the covers of Kendall's bed. "You gonna lock me in here, too?" he smirked. Greenlee explained that she was there to save Kendall from Zach, accusing Zach of trying to marry Kendall just to prove to Ethan that he could take everything Ethan loves. Zach rebutted that he's no monster, that Ethan chose Cambias over Kendall. "Maybe we should have this conversation when you have children of your own," Zach suggested. Greenlee warned Zach that she was not going to give up on trying to protect Kendall.

Kendall was surprised to see Ethan on the docks, as she thought he'd left Florida. Kendall told Ethan she wasn't willing to bear her soul to him only to have him let her down again. Ethan reminded Kendall that he'd once saved her from drowning and asked her to return the favor. He proferred a document, a notorized legal document giving his half of Cambias to Zach, just as she'd asked. Kendall was stunned, but Ethan assured her he was quite serious: He wanted to give up the company and all that went with it — in short, he wanted to be Ethan Ramsey again. Ethan then dropped to one knee and asked Kendall to marry him. "Maybe tonight?" he said hopefully. "You said that we were done," she reminded him. "You told me no!" He asked her what was wrong, what she was trying to tell him. "I think what she's trying to say is that she's married already," announced Zach, who appeared behind Kendall. Ethan's face fell, and tears streaked down Kendall's face as she confirmed the news that she and Zach had tied the knot the previous evening. Ethan snatched the papers out of Kendall's hands and ripped them up, offering sarcastic congratulations to the happy couple. Kendall tore back to her room to pack up in a hurry, where Greenlee, queen of poor timing, noted that Ethan must really love her, after all. Kendall nearly went ballistic, on the verge of a breakdown over the fact that Zach was right — Ethan could forgive her for sleeping with JR, but not for marrying his dad. Zach, meanwhile, prepared to deliver a message to Ethan, who didn't want to hear it. Zach said that if Ethan didn't listen to what he had to say, Ethan wasn't as smart as he thought he was.

JR taunted Babe and Jamie about the state of their apartment; Jamie shot back with barbs of his own. Amanda entered and came down on JR for his cruelty toward Jamie. Jamie warned Amanda that it's too late to talk JR out of being a jackass, but she speechified about how wrong he is to mistreat Babe and keep Little Adam to himself. JR shoved money into Amanda's hands and told her she was no longer welcome at his house. When he made a crack about Janet, Amanda smacked JR and Jamie tossed him out. Babe and Jamie tried to console Amanda and urged her to give up on trying to find the good in JR. After she left, Babe and JR fretted about Amanda's well-being, while back at the Chandler mansion, JR and Amanda lounged on his bed and he conceded that her performance had been fabulous. Amanda reminded JR that it would take a while to lure Jamie into her bed. Later, Amanda showed up at Jamie's, threw herself into his arms tearfully, and reported that JR was threatening to send her to jail.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Jack and Erica were pronounced husband and wife without incident (save for an itch on Greenlee's nose that made Kendall and Reggie fear she was on the verge of voicing an objection). Each of their children made a heartfelt speech prior to the exchange of vows — Reggie spoke of how much he loves having Jack and Erica as parents; Greenlee said that for making her dad so happy, Erica just might be her best friend; Lily, who hadn't had enough time to gather scientific stats on the human heart, spoke from hers instead about her favorite moments with the couple; Kendall noted how far she and Erica had come and how much Jack's acceptance means to her; Bianca speechified about how Jack has been so much more to her than a substitute father. When it came time for Jack and Erica to recite their vows, she said, "We were friends first, then lovers, and then two people who couldn't find their way home to each other." He described her as "my path and my answer." She promised not to "do anything to make Greenlee come after me." When it came time for them to kiss, the soaring moment was made even grander with a dove release, which Jack had arranged as a surprise for his bride. The newlyweds, with their children in tow, then made it past the paparazzi who had caught wind of their wedding and returned to their room. There, Lily and Reggie interrupted the newlyweds tender kissing session to deliver a wedding present: A sketch of the banyan tree that had inspired them to wed in Florida. Kendall, meanwhile, went back to her room and was dismayed to find that she had no new messages. Greenlee was in hot pursuit and demanded to know where Zach was. She revealed to her new stepsister that she had stashed Zach in the pool house, but Kendall wouldn't confirm that she was responsible for freeing him. Kendall stalked off to rejoin Jack and Erica after Greenlee begged Kendall not to make the mistake of marrying Zach. Jack, Erica, Lily, Bianca, Miranda, Kendall, Reggie and Greenlee then gathered to cut the cake. Jack delivered a toast to his new bride, then took her for a spin on the dance floor. The family continued to celebrate, with Reggie sharing a dance with Erica, Greenlee sharing one with Jack, and Kendall dancing goofily to make Miranda giggle. Back in the hotel, Jack and Erica offered to bring the entire family along with them on their honeymoon, but the kids couldn't say no fast enough. Reggie promised to take good care of Lily in Jack's absence; Erica beseeched Kendall not to do anything drastic or life-altering while she was gone. Lily made Jack's perfect day even better by offering him a good-bye hug. The whole family then went down to the docks, where Erica surprised Jack with a wedding gift: A yacht, which she'd named At Last. Erica and Bianca shared a teary good-bye, and La Kane also shared an emotional moment with a snoozing Miranda. Jack and Erica then sailed off on their honeymoon.

Monday, May 23, 2005
Simone dropped in on Ryan to grill him about his marriage to Greenlee, specifically about the lavish necklace he'd given his wife for their anniversary and whether the gift was designed to ease a guilty conscience. Ryan sighed that he and Greenlee were doing just fine, and she should mind her own business. After assuring Ryan that she hadn't been speaking to Kendall, Simone started in on her pal's hubby about when he and Greenlee were going to have a baby, but when he was resistant, she finally took her leave. Once alone, Ryan thought back to recent conversations with Greenlee, Kendall and Simone while glancing at the pre-vasectomy literature his doctor had given him....

JR told Amanda he didn't want to have sex with her; what he wanted was for her to have sex with Jamie, to destroy Babe and Jamie's relationship. Amanda saw through JR's claim that he wanted Babe out of Jamie's life in order to get his brother back, so he confirmed that his real motivation was revenge. JR dissed Babe as having been born "with a plastic spoon in her mouth" and said he wanted to make sure that neither she nor Jamie had a moment of happiness. If Amanda didn't want to seduce Jamie, JR shrugged, that was fine, she'd just have to explain her sticky fingers to the cops. Amanda then dropped her clothing to the floor and noted that she didn't think she'd have a problem getting Jamie into bed. JR stopped drooling long enough for Amanda to elaborate what she wanted out of the deal: $1,000 a week, room, board, tuition, and a night of passion with him....

Kendall was suspicous when Greenlee went to great lengths to stop her from entering the room where she'd stowed Zach. When a cry of "Let me out!" was heard from inside, Erica summoned the hotel manager to unlock the door. Greenlee was relieved when the noise turned out to have been produced by a parrot, though she was baffled as to how Zach had escaped. Greenlee went to look for Zach, only to learn that he'd checked out of the hotel....

Bianca and Kendall had a chat by the pool while Lily took a swim. Bianca told Kendall she thinks the ultimatum she issued to Ethan was the right thing to do and that he was wrong not to comply. She also told Kendall that she'd tried herself to talk some sense into Ethan, and urged her sis not to wed Zach....

Reggie sat down with Jack for a pre-wedding, man-to-man talk. Jack agreed with Reggie's suggestion that he and Erica butt out of their grown kids' lives, but when Reggie instructed him to behave as though Erica was always right, Jack refused. He explained to Reggie that no one is right all the time, and that every relationship has its inevitable conflicts and setbacks. Greenlee overheard the end of Jack's speech and told her dad she couldn't agree more. Reggie left to give Jack and Greenlee some time alone. Jack apologized to Greenlee for meddling in her marriage and vowed to back off....

Greenlee, Kendall, Bianca and Erica got luxurious spa treatments while Lily, who preferred not to be touched, read a book. The wedding party then began to get ready for their big day. Jack gave a heartfelt speech to his kids about how much they mean to him, while back in Erica's suite, the Kane women assembled in front of the mirror in tribute to Mona. Next, it was time for the ceremony to begin. Erica and Jack approached each other with teary smiles and were joined by their children, two families prepared to combine into one.... Jamie assured Babe that the only thing he needed to be happy was her and a roof over their heads — but then the roof sprung a leak and began to collapse. They worked together to fix it, but the problem became worse, spewing water all over the place. Although they got the water turned off, Jamie's mood was worsening, as was Babe's guilt. But the cuddly couple found a way to restore their closeness: getting passionate in the living room.