Friday, April 13, 2007
At the farm, Brad came downstairs looking for Vienna shortly before Emma walked in, wondering who'd been into her Elderberrry Wine. They found both answers, along with the bride, curled up in her wedding gown under the table, cuddling with a bottle, looking depressed, but still gorgeous. They got to work on sobering her up, which was tough when she started psycho slashing the wedding cake. (Maybe having a sisterly relationship with Maddie just makes people go nuts!)

Katie and Jack searched for Henry in the little shopping village while arguing about whether he deserves sympathy for dumping Vienna at the altar. They were talking about moving on when he got a call from Emma about Vienna's knife-wielding rage. He left Katie for the scene of the crime, but Katie (without noticing Henry lurking nearby) followed him anyway. They sent Brad off to check the bars and liquor stores for Henry, while Jack and Katie tended to Vienna, who was less than thrilled to see the Best Man so soon after the non-wedding.

Alone on a bench in the shopping village, Henry eyed his diamond cuff links and flashed back to his moment at the altar. Brad showed up nearby to ask a shopkeeper about Henry, then found the cuff links on the bench and — eventually — the runaway groom, who asked Brad to do whatever it takes (wink, wink) to make Vienna forget about him. "If anybody can, I can," boasted Brad, but his heart wasn't really in it.

Katie finally faced the truth about her passionate defense of Henry's actions: She feels guilty because it's basically her fault. "I need to believe that no matter how much you love someone, if you lose that love you should be able to find a place in your heart for someone else," she said tearfully. "Don't you want to have that hope?" It sure looked like it — Jack leaned in and tenderly kissed her!

Alison and Emily waited for Susan at the Lakeview, which Ali thought was a dumb place for a reunion and deduced that her sister was just trying to keep her in sight every second because she'd sampled crank "about three times." Pretty much, confirmed Em, adding that crystal meth can be addictive after the first time. When she reluctantly left Alison to go look for their mother, Will and Gwen arrived, as part of their job search. "The tougher things are, the happier we are," he said with a shrug when she called him on worrying about whether it was a good idea to turn down his mom's money offer. "Yes, because we're crazy," she responded with a smile, before taking off to see about that job. While she was gone, Will had a happy reunion with former crush Ali. "What kind of best friend are you, Munson? You don't call, you don't write. I thought I was the love of your life," she ribbed. "You thought I was a stalker," he joked back, as we realized how much more confident and content he must seem to her now. He filled her in on his marriage; Alison was understandably shocked, because she remembered how much he hated her pal Gwen after she set them up on their first date. "Gwen's the best thing that ever happened to me," he responded. Ali pulled him in for a hug as Gwen returned and lurked for a second to spy on their flirty chat before she got spotted by Alison. But with all the talk of Will's perfection and his later interest in what Alison's been up to, Gwen ended up going green with envy. "I'm actually gonna mark this day down in my calendar.... Because you're jealous," Will grinned. She totally denied that, to his amusement, before they walked off in a darling little mock-argument.

Emily and Ali had a moment to argue about the fact that Alison didn't stay at the table as promised, Susan arrived. She was delighted to see her daughter, but not to learn that Ali was planning to stick around for awhile. "Uh-oh, you're in trouble," said Mom. Alison claimed that she just missed them, which Susan eventually bought. Buttoning up her sweater, Susan told her daughter that she wanted her to come home so that she could cook all of her favorites, like French toast.

At the Wagon Wheel Motel, Project Doppelgänger began with a Pretty Woman-meets-UGLY BETTY montage to "Suddenly I See," by KT Tunstall as Cleo transformed into Gwen, physically (accept for the teeth, which she'll try on later). Next, it was time for a detailed dossier on Gwen life, starting with "the most important thing": a nice professional photo of Will. There were more headshots of all the people in Gwen's life, along with a nice recap of her storyline for the past couple of years. Jade went out to get the famished girl some food, but first strictly forbade her from leaving the room. Cleo, with a star student's zeal to perfect her impression of Gwen, took about two seconds to ignore that. Out in the open, Cleo studied Gwen and Will — and he also saw her.

Thursday, April 12, 2007
Jade arrived at Al's to the disastrous sight of Cleo stuffing her face with pancakes and sausages, her eyebrows plucked bloody. Clearly fighting the urge to turn around and walk right out again, Jade reacted with her usual, amusing blend of disgust and impatience and got down to the business of Project Doppelgänger. Cleo took her cash, but wanted more details on why she had been recruited to play Gwen's double: Jade grimly swore on her mother's life (nice touch!) that Project Doppelgänger wouldn't entail illegal activity. But Cleo still wanted to play hardball and demanded $1000 before they got started, so Jade called Lily (in a nice touch, Faith lit up when she heard who was on the other line) and set up a meeting. At the little shopping village later, Jade lied to her aunt that she wanted to take classes at Oakdale University. No problem, said Lily, who cheerfully hands out cash to anyone, despite the fact that there may have been some sort of lesson to be learned recently.... Anyway, Jade then met Cleo back at Al's for lunch (though she took away her hamburger to keep her from getting heavier than Gwen, perhaps inadvertently fostering yet another eating disorder), but before Cleo agreed to embark on Project Doppelgänger, Jade was forced to share her subjective version of the "cool" Munsons' shunning of her.

It's Henry and Vienna's wedding day! The Snyder farm was all decked out for the occasion, reminding Parker of Jack and Carly's 2003 Montana nups, which he recalls despite having been 10 years younger at the time. He and Jack had a heart-to-heart about love and marriage, which Parker envisions as torture. Jack argued that it's also rewarding. "You and your brother and Sage are work, but you're also the greatest thing that's ever happened to me," he told the boy, before boiling down his longstanding issue with Carly: "I was a police detective and your mother had a tendency to make up her own rules, and in the end that's what brought us down," he explained, noting that he failed Carly in many ways. Jack finished by reminding Parker that Carly loves him and his siblings and promised to take the kid fishing later, to boot.

During a shopping trip at the village, Lily suggested to Faith that she go to the wedding, where Parker and Emma will also be in attendance, plus she could admire Vienna's blinding bridal hotness. But let's face it: the main draw was Parker, who made Faith beam when he dismissed the appeal of super-skinny model types, awesomely shrugging of Vienna, "I wouldn't marry her."

Speaking of, Brad, shirtless as usual, came downstairs to find blushing bride Vienna, her hair in tire-sized rollers, her heart so full that she was happy to invite him to the ceremony that would be taking place in his family's front yard.

In a sweet series of scenes at the Lakeview, Katie nursed Henry through his hangover and again reminded him that it's not too late to call off the wedding. In his frustrated state, he insisted on deliberately misinterpreting her comments about his surprising relationship until she finally got blunt: she doesn't think he reciprocates Vienna's deep feelings of love. That statement prompted him to get up and prepare for his wedding.

Maddie had stopped by the cabin on the way to the wedding to confide to Gwen that her life had fallen apart, but before she could explain, Barbara burst in, gushing with condescension and compliments and revealed that Will had filled her in on the Adam mess. When Barbara confidently announced that she took care of things with Jade, Will pointed out that after their chat, Jade threatened to call the cops. After snapping at Babs for her indiscretion, Maddie ran out. Gwen followed, assuring her that everything would be fine and lending a sympathetic ear regarding the news about Casey. Inside, Barbara sniffed at Maddie's rudeness, but brushed it off to tell her underwhelmed son some good news. First, Gwen gently explained to her mother-in-law that while the couple wants to spend time with her, Barbara's got to stay out of their business. Babs then revealed that she's going to let Iris keep the old trust fund and set up a new one for the Munsons. They politely declined, explaining how they would get jobs and take care of themselves. Later, while they were searching for jobs, Will endearingly lightened Gwen's mood with laidback humor and reaffirmed his love for her. "We'll be okay," he promised her. "Because you're amazing," she said. "I'm incredibly amazing," he deadpanned (True!) before distracting her with goofy horseplay. "We're gonna be fine," he said again, as they settled on the couch.

Back at the farm, Vienna did in fact look supermodel radiant as a bride, though her gown looked like the one she wore on the cruise ship when she stripped for Simon. Henry was already squirming at the altar when Vienna revealed that she'd forgotten her vows. He quickly offered to postpone, but Vienna ad-libbed a truly heartfelt speech about how he saved her from her empty, lonely life (in perfect English). He was taken aback by the sincerity of her words, and couldn't speak. Katie and Jack shared a worried glance, before Henry muttered "I can't." He then proceeded to break Vienna's overflowing heart by dumping her on the spot. "I hate myself for having to do this, but I can't marry you," he said, as her eyes welled with tears and she begged him to explain. "I don't love you the way I should," he said, noting that he knows what it's like to marry someone who doesn't love you back, earning a guilty grimace from Katie. He kissed her and left, as she collapsed into sobs.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Katie wasn't in the mood for Brad's ribbing when he ran into her while she was finalizing plans for Henry's girly-sounding bachelor party at the Lakeview. As Brad excused himself to make a call, the bartender broke it to Katie that the groom's been busted. Speaking of, Jack was scolding Henry for his indiscretions when Vienna, having misconstrued his involvement in the poker game as a gallant attempt to bring his own money to the marriage ("I don't deserve you!" he groaned nervously) showed up to make a heartfelt plea for his release. And it worked! Maybe he's a fan of weddings or he was just feeling generous or Vienna's blinding hotness hypnotized him, but Jack decided to tear up the arrest report and free Henry. (Which might not sit well with those who wished he'd looked the other way when it came to Carly, though her most recent skirmish did become an international matter). Katie, naturally, was moved by his gesture, and they exchanged a lot of appreciative glances before she invited him to the bachelor party. Henry, however, just looked like he'd lost his last lifeline, especially when Vienna suggested they write their own vows. She was worried about her command of English, and ended up assigning hers to Katie (who again noticed the groom's trepidation). Henry, nearly debilitated by his cold feet, turned to Maddie for help. After getting his assurance that he does, indeed, love Vienna, she asked him key questions about his feelings (like how he felt when he first saw her or when he knew he would spend the rest of his life with her), but he couldn't come up with answers. After being called away by Vienna, Maddie guessed that Katie probably remembers what he said to her at their wedding. He said he doubted it, but after his sister left, Henry recited the vows that Katie said to him in a poignant soliloquy. Heartbreaking! "That's a soul mate. That's you, Henry," he finished, as we faded into a shot of Katie, randomly sitting at Emma's kitchen table and working on Vienna's vows. Jack arrived for an update. Hers, of course, were laden with double meaning about healing a monumentally broken heart and how simple life can be with the right person. Jack vetoed that, calling Henry's life anything but simple, and tossed off his own lines about how you fall in love when you least expect it. And then there was some awkwardness where they couldn't stop grinning until he left. This is all moving along pretty quickly!

Henry had turned to his martinis when Katie arrived for the bachelor party, followed by Jack and then crasher Brad, who grudgingly apologized for his advances to Vienna. When Henry thanked him for standing in for the tux fitting, Brad complimented the suit. "If you want to wear it tomorrow, that can be arranged," said a drunken Henry, claiming it was a joke. That's when Katie answered a knock at the door to find Brad's "peace offering": a stripper (dressed as a cop). Katie tossed her out before things got too naughty and excoriated Brad, who suggested that she acts more like Henry's "wrangler" than his best friend. After their argument got a little bitter, he left. Jack defended his brother's attempt to make the night fun to Katie, then helped clean up after what was literally a five-minute bachelor party. That left Katie and Henry time to have a heart-to-heart about his pre-wedding jitters. In his drunken state, it was clear he's still hung up on the ex-Mrs. Coleman. "I was in love and for a moment I had you and that was all I really needed. It was the happiest moment of my life," he gushed about their nups. (Nice that they finally addressed that.) She turned her guilt into a lesson: He of all people should know that a marriage won't work when the feelings aren't mutual, and it's not too late to call it off. "I said I would marry her ... so I have to," he responded, briefly sobering and shutting down Katie's arguments. "She has given me everything she has and she trusts me to do good by her." Jack, his expression inscrutable, watched Katie promise to always be there for Henry as she tucked him in. At the same time, Maddie was gingerly broaching the subject of change being difficult to oblivious blushing bride Vienna, who found Katie's "perfect" vows waiting for her on Emma's counter.

Homebody Luke was meeting Jade for his first big night out in awhile at Crash, though he had to convince her to stay when she found out that Gwen was on the evening's bill. Once inside, she realized she had bigger problems: Cleo was among the concertgoers. Cleo just wanted to see her double perform and insisted that she would stay out of sight and then leave.

A paranoid Gwen was convinced that Adam was going to show up at her gig at Crash to take out a very public revenge; Will patiently listened to her concerns and sweetly assured her that she didn't have to go on. But Gwen wanted to sing away her demons, as it were, so that she would be able to "lay with [him], and make love to [him]" again. When Gwen and Will arrived at Crash, Cleo couldn't help but gush "big fan!" to the singer, and an amused Will thanked her. When Gwen finally did go on stage, it was hard to tell who was her biggest fan: hubby Will, who gazed at her with total love and adoration, or Cleo, who geekily sang along. Jade almost threw Gwen off her game, so Will told her to stay away so that his wife could sing in an atmosphere of complete safety and support. Later, Cleo fooled Jade by putting on a blondish wig; Jade finally agreed that Project Doppelgänger might work. Meanwhile, Gwen thanked Will for standing by her, and was even able to (skittishly) lay in bed with him.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007
"The role of Craig Montgomery is now being played by Scott Bryce," we learned, as New Old Craig settled into the corner office of the company he's renamed Montgomery Enterprises or, hilariously, ME, for short. Lucinda was disgusted by the name change, and declared — in a sparkling verbal tussle riddled with sexual innuendo and references to the past — that she would win back the company she built from the ground up. "I battled cancer," she hissed. "You're just a gnat in my soup." He wasn't worried. "This is what's called a fait accompli, and 1000 lawyers can't change that, so you say good-bye to WorldWide," he sniped back.

Lily served Faith French toast for breakfast and promised her that she'd thrown away all of her pills. (Sideline: We're not counselors, but that seems like kind of a calorie-laden leap for a recovering bulimic — couldn't they go with some nice healthy oatmeal with fruit or something instead?) Faith confided that she hates herself for binging, purging and ratting her mom out to her dad. Lily reaffirmed her love for her daughter and her culpability for her own mistakes, then suggested that they both give therapy a try. After Holden arrived, Lily swore that this time she's really, most sincerely done with the pills. He was understandably skeptical, but confirmed that he loves her more than ever. "For better or for worse, remember?" he vowed, giving her a hug. But that doesn't mean he's back to trusting her, he warned. Lily then met with her mother, who was being kicked out of the offices and still pretty bitter about her daughter's role in all of this. After her requisite apologies, Lily again asked what she could do to help, adding that the company may be gone, but her family is still here, and they need her. But Lucinda believes that WorldWide saved her life. "Now what good am I without my company?" she lamented, before noting that she'll get her business back, but Lily will never be a part of it again. Back at the farm, Holden had a heart-to-heart with Faith, assuring her that he loves her and her mother very much.

Paul met Meg at Al's and invited her to crawl into bed with him. Actually, she had something dirtier in mind: seeking sweet revenge on Craig. (Which is, if you'll recall, the reason she dumped him a few months ago, but we quibble.) "Revenge has traditionally been my domain," he quite rightly acknowledged, but in the end of course, declared that her vendetta is his vendetta. Good thing, too, because she needed "the old Paul back" along with his psychic powers — or the perception thereof — to launch her scheme. Indeed, Paul visited Craig and feigned another flash. It worked as Meg had hoped: Craig was shaken when Paul said he'd "seen" Johnny. It's interesting that he's actually getting more accomplished by faking clairvoyance than by actually using his supernatural skills.

Vienna and Katie busily worked on wedding plans while Henry's feet continued to cool considerably. Katie noticed and assured him that Jack had taken care of the Brad problem, but he ended up disappearing while they went over the menu. After getting the glowing bride's heartfelt thanks for her above-and-beyond help, Katie excused herself to find the groom-to-be looking for courage in the bottom of his martini glass. Henry admitted that he was nervous about jumping so quickly into marriage when his last one was such a failure. She pointed out that their union's failure was not his fault (indeed, it was a zillion percent hers!) and gently asked if he was as sure as Vienna. He recited his "She's rich, gorgeous and crazy about me" mantra. When she took off, Henry ran into an old gambler friend, who wanted him to join a high-stakes poker game. He resisted at first, but changed his mind after a kissy chat with plan-frenzied Vienna.

Jack and Brad butted heads over Jack's "sucker punch" on behalf of Henry. Brad was remorseless: "I'm a firm believer that you should know what you're buying before you sign the check," he noted, pointedly suggesting that his brother should have done the same before he wed Carly. Jack was called away before he could slug him again. At WOAK later, Katie smugly noted Brad's shiner but he kept up with his prediction that Henry would get his heart broken. She ignored that, ordering him to be nice to her friend when he shows up for the tux fitting. "Are you a talk show host or wedding planner?" whined Brad, actually hoping to get to work. Come to think of it, why isn't Katie a wedding planner? It seems like no job has ever been more perfectly suited to a character. Seeing her stress and concern when Henry failed to show up, Brad offered to try on the tux for the groom, but since the sleeves and waist have to be let out and the chest taken in, it's unclear how his trying it on actually helped, aside from the fact that it's been at least a week since we last saw Brad shirtless. Katie pretended not to be impressed as she got hands-on in her appraisal of the suit, while Jack jealously spied their flirtatious snarking, then turned around to leave. Moments later, Katie warned Brad to stay away from Henry's bachelor party while Jack was off arresting Henry and some other "chuckleheads" for their illegal game, as Vienna sadly looked on.

Monday, April 9, 2007
Margo walked in to find Casey and Maddie naked and going at it on the couch. They proceeded to play out this mother of all teenage nightmares in all its glorious awkwardness. As they scrambled to cover themselves, Casey begged his mother to give them a second to explain. "I know I should have talked to you about this before...." he began. "Before you had sex on my sofa?" interrupted his mother, who went ballistic about Casey's disrespect and the fact that Maddie is far from ready to be sexually active. "Is this your only form of protection?" she asked, holding up a condom wrapper for the mortified teens, who mumbled about the Pill and got an embarrassing lecture from Margo. "How many times and in how many ways are you going to continue to ruin your life?" she solemnly demanded of her son, adding that sleeping with Maddie will only hurt her, especially if he goes to jail. Despite their protests, a tearful Margo decided to punish Maddie "for Casey's mistake": She'll have to move out. They exchanged "I love you"s as she was leaving. When Tom arrived, Casey appealed to him for leniency, but a blindsided Tom scolded his son and backed up Margo's decision to kick out Maddie. A conflicted Margo confessed to Tom later that she feels terrible about it because she loves Maddie and she's just terrified about Casey, because she and Tom are two of the best-written parents on soaps. "When did he become so reckless and irresponsible?" lamented the frustrated mom. Funny that she's asking this now, when he's actually being quite responsible, as opposed to two years ago, when he was weaseling out of his role in Gwen's pregnancy. Casey later came down and made a heartfelt argument for his mature, adult love for Maddie. "I made a lot of mistakes, but Maddie's not one of them," he told his parents.

"Is this why you're doing porn?" Dusty said, holding up a vial of white powder that fell out of Alison's bag. (Nice parallel with Margo's tirade, by the way. If only she knew how much worse things could be!). Alison went into crazy denial mode, reminiscent of crankhead Jen, circa 2005 (down to the wild hair). This was of course behavior that Dusty recognized, but she swore that she doesn't need drugs to do her job, which she insisted is perfectly legit. Once Alison finally admitted that maybe she did sometimes dabble in crank, Emily (as the good cop) tried using love and concern to convince her sister to come back to Oakdale, while Dusty laid down the law (as the bad cop): either Ali come with them and get help or he calls the real police. Em remained sympathetic, but tearfully warned, "If you stay here, you will die" then told Dusty to make the call. Well, if you put it that way — Alison agreed to go with them. Privately, Emily asked Dusty not to tell her sister about her life in prostitution. He called her a hypocrite but agreed, then waited outside as Em told Ali that someday it wouldn't be enough just to have people notice her, she'll want them to respect her as well. Ali emotionlessly asked to stop by her apartment before they go.

At Al's, Jade had her hands full with an overeager Cleo, who couldn't wait to talk to her "double," Gwen, who had just entered the diner. "He is so cute!" she practically shouted, upon spotting Will, causing Jade to shush her and call off the plan. Cleo, guessing that she was summoned as some sort of birthday surprise, wanted to tell Gwen how "thoughtful" her friend is. Jade just tried to get rid of her as quickly as possible (which Cleo guessed), telling her that Gwen is very sensitive and might freak out by seeing her look-alike. Cleo understood. "There was this one time..." she began (which reminds us: are we the only ones who think she looks like Alyson Hannigan in the American Pie movies?), before launching into a rambling story about an equally sensitive cousin. Jade got her back on track, briefly distracting the Munsons so Cleo could sneak out. Later, she handed the girl some cash for a train ride home and told her to get on her way. Instead, Cleo went back to the diner and spied on Gwen and Will.

Vienna excitedly told Henry that her whole family — plus about a zillion other people — are coming to their wedding, causing him to nervously loosen his collar. After he gently suggested that he'd been hoping for a more intimate ceremony, Vienna tore up her guest list, declaring him to be all that she needs. He then offered to postpone the ceremony in time for her chosen maid of honor to arrive, though he was clearly motivated by his own cold feet. Regardless, Vienna didn't bite: she wants to get married on schedule, if not sooner. Maddie showed up in time to hear the news of the impending nups, and admitted that she couldn't live at the Hughes house anymore because Margo "caught" her and Casey. Vienna excitedly guessed what they were caught doing and started gushing about Maddie becoming a woman, as Henry went apoplectic. "Oh God, I'm not hearing this!" groaned Henry, when Maddie confirmed. Henry sucked down a martini as Vienna accused him of being a prudish American, then offered to give her sister-in-law-to-be any advice she needs, plus her own private room at the hotel, and tips on how to have "long, sensual phone conversations" with Casey, since he's under house arrest. All Maddie has to do is be Vienna's maid of honor. Done! Later, when the brother and sister had a moment alone, Maddie declared her fondness for Vienna and wondered if she could ask him a question. "As long as it's not about you or Casey or sex," he said, nervously sipping his second martini. "Are you happy?" she asked. He replied that he'd be fool to pass up a rich, gorgeous woman who's head over heels in love with him. Not exactly an answer.

At Al's, Will was being tirelessly patient and understanding as Gwen explained that she's still haunted by reminders of Adam when Day Player Gil, that old slasher camp survivor/buddy/bully, stopped by. He let them know that he's taken over for Casey at Crash, which is "the best job ever" in part because Casey's grandma is so awesome (but not awesome enough for the show to allow Lisa break this news instead of Day Player Gil, apparently). Anyway, Gwen's got a gig coming up that she forgot about. Though Will quickly backed her up when she tried cancel, Gil whined a bit and convinced Gwen to do it. Later, Gwen admitted to Will that nothing feels the same to her since the Adam fiasco, but "If I want my life back, I have to take it back. I'm going to start by singing." At the shopping village, Cleo picked up a flier announcing Gwen's appearance at Crash, and looked at it with stars in her eyes.

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