Henry came home to find Vienna sporting a huge belly. She assured him it was just a beach ball as he hyperventilated. The discussion soon turned into a bout of mattress tag. Meanwhile, Katie burst into tears, telling Brad she learned she can't do in vitro because her eggs aren't viable. They went over adoption vs. surrogacy. Katie pointed out she's been married a ton and Brad has a record, which wouldn't bode well for their chances to adopt. If they used a surrogate, they'd have their own child by Christmas! Brad begrudgingly acquiesced and they rushed off to talk to Vienna. Katie told Vienna her eggs weren't viable but they could use an anonymous donor egg and still use V. to incubate. "My eggs are perfectly fine," Vienna pointed out. "Why go through all that trouble...to mix everything up in a laboratory and put it back inside of me?" Couldn't Brad fertilize her personally? Henry, Brad, and Katie all gaped at her. They quickly dismissed the idea of Brad sleeping with her and she suggested the clinical route. Henry still went ballistic and stormed out. Vienna asked Katie to accept her offer. She'd win Henry over.

Craig woke up a hungover Carly demanding to see the Midnight Sun labels. Her meager efforts had been horrible, she insisted. Craig agreed — until he stumbled upon one he liked! He wanted to head to Chicago to show Siegler ASAP! They were in Chi-town in mere minutes, giddy about their success with Siegler and drunk from a "sample bottle" they'd shared with the distributor. Craig couldn't drive, so he suggested they sleep it off in a hotel. Of course, they could only get one room, which Carly found absurd. Craig dismissed her concerns and said they were just going to nap. "You better not try anything," she warned, as they bedded down atop the covers. The alcohol got to her, though, and her mood suddenly improved. She and Craig cracked up laughing and ended up kissing, which turned into an offscreen love scene. Afterwards, Carly was full of regrets but Craig was chipper. Carly accused him of manipulating her, noting he was "extraordinarily coordinated" in bed for someone too drunk to drive. Craig took that as a compliment and then reiterated it was no big deal. However, the sex had been good, right? Carly ignored him.

Parker and Liberty had breakfast with Jack and Janet and discussed their living arrangements. Alone, Jack told Janet they were taking the day off and whisked her away to a plot of land on the back acres of the farm. They could build a house here, so, "Welcome home, Mrs. Snyder." They started brainstorming about rooms, especially the bedroom, and wound up christening that very spot. (Despite the snow.) In Old Town, Parker got a call from Carly saying she was going to be gone until roughly dinnertime. Cue an excuse for him and Libby to cut school! They went back to the Milltown house and commenced making out! Then the kitchen caught fire and they ran out! When Jack got a call about the house fire, he and Janet rushed over. They found Parker and Liberty half-dressed, in fire blankets, and learned a pizza in the oven had burned. Jack and Janet blasted the kids. Carly and Craig walked in as Janet dragged Libby home. Jack noted Carly's been drinking and didn't approve. While Janet lectured Liberty about the dangers of sex, Jack told Carly about Parker burning down the house "because he was too busy having sex with Liberty to notice." He told her they had to keep Parker and Libby apart and suggested Parker go to boarding school with JJ. "There has to be another way," Carly gasped. Craig put his two cents in, saying they couldn't send their kids away. Disgusted Jack walked out and he told a worried Janet he was planning to send Parker to school. Back in Milltown, Craig tried to be there for Carly but she wasn't having it — until she saw the state of her kitchen. Craig gingerly hugged her from behind.