Friday, January 20, 2006
Jack pointed out that Nick was perhaps pushing his underlings too hard by sending them on some sort of complicated-sounding mountain expedition on the "treacherous bluffs" which required their "best climbers" to find Paul, prompting Nick to target his pushiness at Jack instead — by clumsily fishing about Meg. "Don't treat me like a witness," scolded clever ex-detective Snyder, who dismissed the (actually correct) theory that his cousin could be harboring a fugitive. Nick later revised his orders, taking the advice given by Jack, who left to meet with Holden. At the cabin, Paul quickly warmed to his idea to "kill himself" (at least in the eyes of the law) and set about bringing Meg on board. "You just need to plant a little evidence, is all. It'll be easy," he chirped, claiming he's trying to save Meg as well as himself. The first step? Sending his reluctant nursemaid off to find the gun that shot him, which he said he'd spotted on the way back up the bluff. She finally went out to look for it, though to her credit, she realized the inherent needle-in-a-haystack qualities of her mission. She was about to give up when she tripped and literally fell on top of the gun. Unfortunately, the cops arrived right after she put the weapon in her bag.

A flummoxed Holden briefly spied on his son treating Kevin to a slow-motion massage, before awkwardly interrupting. Lily broke the tension soon after and the Snyders said good-bye to Kevin before going inside together. There, Lily fretted about the damage that rough basketball play will do to her son's stolen kidney ("It feels good to be physical," gushed Luke), while Holden was more worried about what kind of influence Kevin is providing. "They've been friends for like, forever!" argued Lily, when Holden suggested that they restrict the boys' play dates (so to speak). Lily later flashed back on Lucinda saying that something's off with Luke. She had a heart-to-heart with her son, who admitted that he's not happy because he still feels guilty on all the problems he caused. Meanwhile, Holden was having a heart-to-heart with Jack about his Luke concerns. His cousin noted that Holden has great parental instincts, but called him on skirting around the issue that's really bugging him.

Carly had just finished convincing Gwen to take her $1,000 check with no questions asked when Barbara barged in and blabbed about their deal, accusing Gwen of being in on the scheme with Carly. Will arrived in time to tell his mother off, while Gwen ripped up the check and did the same to Carly for making her look dishonest to Babs, because these teens are too good to accept tainted money! The Best Teen Ever interrupted to apologize for telling his mother where Gwen was getting the money, and then tried defending Carly to his girlfriend. Also, his car has been towed, which nixes that option for shelter. At Java, they should have knocked on wood before having this exchange: "At least we have a warm place to sit for a couple of hours and the tea is pretty good." "Yeah, and it's not raining." "It's not snowing." "Or hailing." "And we don't have pneumonia." "And we're not in jail." "So things could be a lot worse." Naturally, that was the waitress's cue to break the news that they're closing up early because of the snowstorm that's coming. By the end of the day, our poor little urchins (complete with those gloves with the fingers cut off) were huddled up together on a bench in the snow. They must have forgotten about Kim's offer for both of them to stay at her house for one night until they figured something else out.

Carly went to the station to find Jack, but ran into sleazy-flirty Nick instead. In her haste to get away from his lumbering aggression, she fell and twisted her ankle. He quickly swooped her into his arms as she squawked out her protests and we yawned at how clichéd it all is. But it turned out we hadn't seen anything yet: as he tended to her ankle in the interrogation room, she somehow managed to fall on top of him.

Thursday, January 19, 2006
Up on the bluff, Henry cleverly pointed out that his crime was far less severe than Emily's, forcing her to confess the details of Paul's "death" and eventually just beg him to help her. With the cops on their way, he finally agreed. Once the car was taken care of, she offered to stash his cash in her safety deposit box. They regrouped at Java, where Henry was skittish about being seen with Emily in front of Nick. Em took the situation in hand by smoothly calling the cop over (calling him "Detective Kas-i-noff") to ask how the investigation was going, thus making herself appear completely innocent. She then grabbed Henry by the collar and threatened him some more to guarantee his silence.

Meg dropped by Lily and Holden's house with a re-wedding gift and was about to rush off again when Emma confronted her daughter about stealing pharmaceuticals and syringes from the hospital (thanks to a tattling phone call from Susan) as well as living above her means at the Lakeview. But Meg refused to give her mother any answers, so Emma went to the Lakeview to see Jennifer and Dusty, who were cautiously reveling in her status as a divorcée by declaring their love, but not making any commitments. After offering Jennifer "the family's apology" for Meg's shameful actions, Emma also said she was sorry to Dusty, then asked him if Meg was ever on drugs while they were together. Since he's so excellent at spotting a user (of, say, crank), Dusty assured her that Meg is probably just depressed, but promised to check it out. Jen got huffy when she heard this (even going so far as to call her rival a "lost cause"), so might we suggest that she go spend some time with her son to calm herself down?

After a terrifying, sweaty afternoon spent hallucinating about the cabin doorknob being shaken, Paul had an ax in his hand when Meg came back. Once disarmed, Paul started whining about how she has to stop leaving him because he always gets scared and feels like he's gonna die. Suddenly, Nick pounded at the door; Meg got rid of her shirt (presumably to keep him from hanging around, but she doesn't know Nick), then flirtily got rid of the cop, adding that "Paul is a selfish monster" for good measure. Being a good detective, Nick insisted on coming in to make sure that no one was holding her against her will. Unfortunately, he's not so good as to spot Paul's hiding place in the one-room cabin — the fugitive might as well have put on a wood-paneled suit and just stood really, really still. Nick left after Meg promised to call 911, but Paul told her that the cops would find his car, so she has to leave right away, but he's in really bad shape. "You keep this up and you're gonna end up dead," she scolded, giving him an idea. "That's how we get out of this: Paul Ryan has to die," he announced.

Lucinda scolded Lily and Holden for allowing Luke to serve champagne at the wedding, but the newly-re-weds argued that now that the second they became a happy family again, their underage, stolen-kidney-stocked son with a drinking problem was miraculously cured. (Actually, Holden agreed that Luke still seems unhappy, but his solution was to overload his son with family togetherness.) Outside, Luke and his buddy Kevin were horsing around after a basketball game. "I can't even lift my arm after what Peterson did to me," complained Kevin, who asked Luke to massage the pain away. "You want me to give you a backrub?" clarified Luke awkwardly. "Luke, I'm not asking you to the prom" — not yet! — "I've just got a knot in my back the size of my fist," responded Kev when Luke pointed out that it might not be appropriate. So Luke got busy and was really working out the kinks when Holden spied him from inside the house.

After managing to convince a skeptical Barbara that she's on board with the plan to break up Will and Gwen, Carly asked for a $1,000 advance in pay. Babs suspected foul play, and forced Carly to call Gwen — who was busy refusing to leave The Best Teen Ever out on the street and moving in with Kim and Bob. Long after Gwen hung up, Carly put on a little show of "talking some sense into her" over the phone, so Barbara reluctantly pulled out her checkbook. Gwen arrived soon after, and Carly danced around the source of her newfound cash. Meanwhile, Barbara visited her son to forbid him from sleeping on the streets. That won't be a problem, said Will, who smugly revealed that Gwen was getting $1,000 from her sister. Good plan, Carly.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006
"Don't you worry, my darlings, I'll be back for you once the heat is off," cooed Henry to his briefcase of bills, as he bungled about on the bluff looking for a spot to bury them. He then stumbled upon Paul's car, and quickly found documentation inside that indicated a reward for anyone who returned it if it got lost, like a key ring or something. Anyway, that's when Emily arrived; Henry hid while she tried to start the car, but she soon realized he was there and came after him with a shovel. After some quippy back-and-forth, he realized that she had killed Paul, but then she found out that his briefcase was stuffed with stolen cash. With the tables turned, Emily took control and issued a cold ultimatum: Unless he helps her get rid of Paul's car, she'll turn him in. In other news, Nick snottily told Jack that he'd have the Paul Ryan case "wrapped up by tomorrow."

Gwen broke it to Will that the bank foreclosed on Iris's house, so that answers that burning question, but they weren't ready to lose hope just yet. Will had just enough cash left in his wallet — $59 — for a night at the Wagon Wheel. Just then Burt dropped by with the last phone bill — for $57.60. Well, that seems like an unnecessary expense for a couple of kids with cell phones. "I don't even know where home is," said Will (ain't that the truth). He met with Kim, who doesn't have a job at the recently exploded WOAK, but happily assured him that his room is still waiting — but she didn't feel comfortable having two teenagers living together under her roof against his parents' wishes. He smartly brought up Alison and Chris, but she had good excuses for that, because she's Kim and she's awesome. He argued that he's now out on the street, so she offered to give him one night to figure out something better, but in the long-term only one teen can live with her. Meanwhile, Carly (who had learned that she was partly responsible for Gwen not getting hired at Java), stopped by to apologize to Gwen, who now is blaming most of her problems on her sister. Regarding that whole infertility thing, Carly assured her that surely there's a hormone or something that she could take so that she can have children, but Gwen pointed out that health insurance is too expensive ("Maybe Will and I should think about Canada"), then swallowed her pride and asked for $1,000. Carly said the Snyders are stretched pretty thin because of Jack being out of work, but did offer to let them move in together at her house, which is far better than anyone else has done, but still wasn't good enough for grudge-holder Gwen, who turned her down. Carly later called Barbara to talk about the job offer, as Will returned home to somewhat deceptively report that he found them a warm bed.

After deflecting Katie and Mike's questions about the expensive watches she had just given them, Maddie was about to leave, but stopped herself. Realizing she was turning into a liar like Casey, the teen turned right around and tearfully confessed. Katie and Mike were shocked and horrified that anyone could ever do anything so cruelly devious and selfishly motivated as lying so that her brother could find happiness. Katie could see that Maddie had learned her lesson, but Mike was ready to call the cops. Casey, for once not being the tool in the scene, pointed out that having Maddie thrown in jail wouldn't help anyone. (We're wondering what exactly she would be arrested for.) Mike agreed not to call, so she and Casey took their leave, but Mike was still left shaking his head. "Some day, some poor clown is gonna end up doing time because of her. Write that down," he said. But Katie was more interested in the fact that they were suddenly, blessedly alone. "I can't believe all of our unfinished business just knocked on the door and said good-bye," gushed Katie. Yeah, it's almost ... contrived! Mike poured some more wine and then scolded her for getting the giggles after he told her she was the most beautiful woman in the world ("wherever she may be," Katie finished). She finally stopped laughing when he got on his knee and proposed. Not surprisingly, she accepted. Meanwhile, Maddie thanked Casey for his help, and he invited her to that party. She looked like she might accept when she thought it was a date, but when another girl showed up, she turned down the invite.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Billy Currington's "Must Be Doin' Somethin' Right" was playing when Katie came home to a romantic Mike, who should have knocked on wood when he declared the afternoon free and clear for a romantic interlude. Suddenly Jennifer was at the door, having apparently remembered that not only did she have a relationship with Mike, but that she is, in fact, still married to him. Her mere presence seemed to terrify him, but he held it together as she calmly sipped her tea and stated her mission, which basically involves tying up all those pesky loose strings that the writers have left hanging in the wake of Baby Switch-apalooza. "The last few months have been kind of a blur," she understated as her excuse. "The two of us kind of got lost in the fallout." She then pulled out the divorce papers; he signed and they agreed that they're both in a good place now. He even told her she'd be an amazing mom, so it's nice to know that he's been following that story, since he had vowed to be her baby's father and all. "I did love you, Jen," he said sweetly as she was leaving. She reciprocated and left, so everybody's off the hook! Tom stopped at the police station to check up on Jack's progress on the gambling investigation. After awesomely noting that it was nice to see him back at work ("for 20 hours a week" Jack clarified good-naturedly), Tom ran into his son, who got out early thanks to a heating problem at school and had come straight to the station because according the new Hughes "rules," Casey apparently has to report on his whereabouts in person instead of, say, giving his parents a call. He took the opportunity to ask for a brief reprieve from his sentence to go to a party at Jamie McIntire's house. He toolishly urged Tom to call Jamie's parents, then agreed to take someone that Margo and Tom know as his date. Who could that be?

Maddie was angry enough that Henry was still spending BJ's money (she confiscated the expensive gifts he'd bought for Katie and Mike) but she was more annoyed to hear he was gambling again. She has her own troubles, thanks to the cops fishing around about who lured BJ to town by posing as "K-K-K-Katie." That's when he got a call from Jack, summoning him to the station, and she had one of her black-and-white day-mares about Katie, Mike, Tom and Casey ("I can't even help myself with this guy," Casey quipped when she begged him to intervene with his dad) in their finest sacrificial robes, sending her over Paul's bluff — or "the abyss" to her — as punishment, while prisoner Henry stood by helplessly. Casey snapped her out of it, and she said that the only way to soothe her guilty conscience was to confess to Mike and Katie. He toolishly suggested that she call him when she's done if she felt like hanging out, but then offered to come along for moral support. He did, but she chickened out and ended up giving them the pricey gift that Henry bought. They wondered where she got the money to buy them. At the station, a nervous Henry fainted under Jack's light and friendly questioning about an illegal poker game. Once he came to, Jack assured him he wasn't in trouble, and simply asked for the details. It must have really scared Henry, though, because by the end of the day he was at Oakdale's busiest bluff to bury his beloved briefcase full of cash.

Emily had just found a missing poster of Paul at Java when Nick (who was wearing a weird old sweater that looked like moths had been chewing on the collar) showed up. He convinced her to come to the station for questioning. Once they kicked Jack out of his impromptu office, they began their interview, in which she stuck to her story about Paul dumping her. "It seems like he's gone to great lengths to protect you," said Nick, before revealing that he thinks Paul is still in Oakdale. She ran into Tom on her way out and pointed out that she, too, has been following the Hughes "rules" and therefore wants a chance to see Daniel. He's still considering it. Em then overheard Nick getting the news that they got the "transponder records" from Paul's cell phone which indicate where the last call came from.

Paul and Meg were cuddled up together in bed when she woke up and nonchalantly started straightening the bedding, before telling him that what got him through the night was him thinking she's Rosanna. She then cleverly deduced that his Ro hang-up had something to do with Emily shooting him. "She didn't hear things exactly how I'd hoped she would," he admitted hilariously, before declaring that he has no regrets about his actions, and even though he may have gone overboard, she's no better. "We are more alike than we are different. Don't forget it," he said, prompting her to angrily rip off his bandage, but she calmed down pretty quickly. What followed was a tender heart-to-heart and the most surprisingly lucid explanation for his motivation that we've had in awhile. He talked about his problem with love, but admitted that blaming his parents only goes so far. "I have made a mess of every relationship that I have ever had, in one way or another," he said before he even began reminiscing about Rose and how she was amazing. But we would have guessed that Meg might have heard about that from Emma or somebody. She left him to go get more supplies, but proved she's softening towards him by covering him with her coat first, to keep him warm.

2005 recaps