Friday, May 26, 2006
Jade was working hard to convince a reluctant Will to take the calculus test answers that she seduced off of Nate when Gwen arrived to make her guilty husband feel even worse by again gushing about his academic brilliance. Sidelined briefly by the discussion with Gwen and Maddie about the post-graduation party to be thrown for their school at CRASH by Lisa, Will briefly broached the idea of not making a big deal about graduation. Gwen thinks it's a special thing, and noted that he seems pretty down; he blamed his family. "Don't you get scared, ever, when you see the kind of people I'm related to?" he asked her in that heartbreaking way of his. She promised that he's nothing like them, she loves him very very much, and he'll never lose her. While they were in a corner canoodling, Casey arrived to start party planning with Gwen and report that the calc test "was a monster" to a nervous Will, who eventually succumbed to the devil on his shoulder (a.k.a. Jade) and took the answers, before leaving for the test. Maddie dropped a billion not-so-subtle hints that she'd like to be invited to the party by Casey, only to earn a "you're the best" from her boyfriend, making it another of those moments in which she was left feeling bummed and he was left toolishly clueless. On her way out, Gwen thanked Jade for all the help she's given Will by asking her to the party — as a hilariously uninterested Casey looked on. Later, Maddie answered Will's accidentally forgotten cell phone — it was a woman calling from the term paper Web site asking about the $60 he owes for the term paper. Will headed back to Java to sullenly report about the test to a flirtatious Jade, and was then promptly busted by Maddie.

Fearless, fabulous, philosophical Lucinda had a long, gushy heart-to-heart with Luke about his obstinate mother, assuring him that Lily would eventually come around to accepting his coming out. Luke was delighted to know that Lucinda and Holden are on his side ("I'm up two to one," he noted, perhaps unwisely). "I know something about trying to control futures," she joked. "Yes, I have heard the stories," he grinned back. They even had a poignant moment when he confessed that he'd been more afraid to tell her than his parents.

Lily was dismayed to find Damian at her door, telling her the "danger" is past, and he now wants to make up for lost time with his son. Lily (thank goodness) wondered where he was when Luke almost died and didn't think that was such a good idea for father and son to reconnect. She did, however, accept a Grimaldi heirloom signet ring "to pass on to his own son" someday. This, naturally, gave the Princess some serious pause, but she didn't tell him that Luke is gay, saying only that it's "a confusing time" and he can't handle a reunion right now. Damian figured she wasn't telling him something, but she first blamed the mob and was then interrupted by Luke's loud return home. She begged Damian to sneak out the back door.

Mike was trying to track down Katie, while Nick packed up his things at the police station (claiming there was "an opening downstate" for him), despite protests from Hal and Jack, who was curious as to why Nick would run out on his cousin while he's in so much trouble. A surly and more-snarling-by-the-minute Nick noted that Katie and Mike would have some peace when he was gone. Meanwhile, in the Milltown basement, Carly and Katie got clarification from Maya's old associate (a.k.a. "Softy, one of the seven dwarves") that Nick likely murdered Maya. Carly tried to run upstairs to notify Jack, only to have the stairs collapse. (All that basement digging must have weakened the support system!) She then crawled out the window while Katie held a suddenly more threatening Softy at pickaxe-point. Mike finally got through to her, but the cell reception was horrible, except when Softy attacked Katie, causing her to scream and hang up the phone. And thus began a semi-comedy of errors: Mike ran off to save his wife while Katie escaped and met Carly back at the cottage (looking for Mike); Jack found Softy in his children's home and nearly went ballistic until Mike arrived and did go ballistic, bravely grabbing the twice-as-big thug by the collar while demanding to know what he'd done to Katie. Softy started sobbing again, claiming he'd been attacked by those crazy women, then told them what he'd told their wives about Nick. Meanwhile, the ladies realized that Nick was about to skip town. Thinking of no better way to stop him, they jumped into the car he'd desperately hot-wired in the garage. "Going somewhere, Nick?" said Carly, who called shotgun, as he realized he was cornered. He'd better start looking more evil by Monday, because it was kind of sad to see him end up this way.

What was the subject of the term paper that Will bought?
Click for Answer

Thursday, May 25, 2006
Bob made a house call to see Lily (about whom Holden was apparently concerned) even though Dr. Schiller might not be thrilled to know that her boss is checking up on her patients behind her back. They engaged in some realistic small talk about how she's skipping Jennifer and Dusty's engagement party before Lily admitted that she's not feeling well, but it has nothing to do with the pregnancy. "Luke thinks that he's gay," she told him in confidence. "That's an interesting way to put it," responded Dr. Bob, who could not have been cooler with his counseling of Lily to accept her son as he is.

Speaking of the hastily planned engagement party (more like engagement brunch) Jennifer was good naturedly grilling Dusty about his champagne chugging when Lucinda came up to say that not only was Bob late, but Kim is out of town. At least Will and Gwen could make it. At least someone remembered that Bob and Kim are related to Jen. As can be expected with a Ryan family gathering, several awesome and fabulously awkward moments followed, along with a sweet father-of-the-bride speech from Hal, but the insanity only escalated when Paul (of course) crashed the toast, proving that Lucinda has horrific security. La Walsh tried to bounce him herself and Hal almost arrested Paul on trespassing charges, but Jen asked to talk to her brother alone. Outside, Paul gave her his gift — a framed photo of them, which he said she could replace with a wedding shot — and offered his best wishes before saying that he missed her. She wouldn't accept his gift or his sincere request to reconcile. "I can't have you in my life at all," she blurted, adding that she'll be ignoring him and suggesting he do the same, and also not try to rescue her if she ever finds herself in trouble again. He blamed her fiancé, spitting out the name "Dusty Donovan" with a vitriol that he had managed to keep bottled when he was offering his heartfelt congratulations just moments before, but she insisted Dusty has nothing to do with this. He suggested a six-month break instead of this forever thing that she had in mind, pointing out that she keeps letting "Mother" back into her life and also feebly noting all the things he's done for her. Since he lied to her about her baby being dead for months, that is. He finally pulled the impending fatherhood card, hoping to Svengali her into reconsidering. But she just handed him the photo as a reminder "that I did love you. But there is no room for you in this life that I have planned with my future husband and my child.... So please go." Dusty then gave her a shoulder to cry on and a rock of a ring as all of the guests crowded in the doorway to eavesdrop on their intimate moment. Paul went home and stared at the relinquishment papers some more. "I am never going to give you up," he told his unborn child, ripping up the papers. Dun Dun Dun DUN!

Gwen bragged about Will's biology paper of yore to Hal, as Barbara told a disgusted Lucinda (who really shouldn't throw stones in this particular situation, but did point out that life is too short to meddle) that Gwen is a gold digger. Will overheard and announced his intentions to get himself and his wife away from Barbara as soon as possible. Then Jade called, having scored the answers to his calculus test (and no doubt Nate scored as well). He guiltily agreed to meet her.

At the police station, Mike grilled a jumpy Nick about the summer of his Wilderness Journey (which sounds kind of dirty). The former delinquent admitted that he ditched the camp for a few days, then wondered why Mike was giving him the third degree. Mike pointed out that he's been accused of murder, but Nick (rightly) assumed his cousin was starting to suspect him. They got past the tense moment, but Nick's looking guiltier by the minute. In Milltown, Carly and Katie returned from a big shopping trip (Wait, they're shopping buddies now?). Despite her new best friend's efforts to change the subject, Katie insisted on trying to solve the big murder mystery. That's when an atypically skittish Carly went to check on the boiler, which had been making noises in the basement. Instead, she found a bearded, burly, pickax-wielding former associate of Maya's, who had naturally come for the rubies. Whether his resemblance to one of the seven dwarves was intentional or not, we'll never know. After Katie and Carly teamed up to bring him down and tie him up, he confessed that he'd always thought Maya had double-crossed, but upon recently hearing of Maya's body being found, off to work he went. He did seem really broken up about her death, though. Just call him Softy. "Some punk named Kasnoff murdered my precious Maya," sobbed Teary, who then helpfully clarified: "Nick." Dun Dun Dun DUN! Meanwhile, at the station, the murderer in question was busy tendering his resignation to Hal, who must have ditched his daughter's engagement party pretty quickly.

At Java, Luke uncomfortably pretended to agree that some girl was "smokin' " with some of his random day-player friends, then got all paranoid about them finding out he's gay. All the while, we got plenty of shots of the hands and shoes of his stalker, who lurked nearby. He got home in time to hear Dr. Bob suggesting that Lily see a therapist and interrupted to accuse her of hiring his stalker, scold her for telling Bob and condemn her for wanting him to see a shrink. Lily swore she didn't have him followed and worriedly went after her son to figure out what's up. She didn't have to run far — Damian was the door. Dun Dun Dun DUN! (And it's not even Friday!) We guess Luke never really got a clear look at his stalker.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006
After another little tiff with Lily, Luke stormed off, all teenager-y. Lily then decided that his defensive attitude is grounds for therapy, but Holden wanted to make it clear that he won't allow Luke to be "deprogrammed" or whatever. Lily still thinks someone just put the gay idea in his head. Off of this alarming statement, Dad Of The Year Holden asked her if she'd accept Luke if the therapist confirmed that he's gay. "I hear myself talking and I can't believe the things that I'm saying. I know what I would be saying if he were someone else's child, but he's my baby," lamented the Princess. Holden then offered to cancel his trip to continue his role as mediator between them. She assured him that she'd be fine.

Hey, it's Nate! Maddie's former almost-flame/genius student (who is so cute and yet so apparently desperate that he's easily seduced by a pretty face) was Jade's main target of the day. "By tomorrow, he'll be more than happy to spoon-feed me the answers to your calculus test," she purred to Will, who's still feeling pretty guilty about all this cheating. Luke then approached her to make sure she keep her claws out of Will, who is his friend, not hers. She taunted him about Kevin, who then miraculously showed up — two of our favorite day players in a single day! Kevin was disappointed to learn that Luke had broken up with someone as hot as Jade. "Dude, you'd have to be dead not to be into her. Or gay," said Kevin, and Luke couldn't bring himself to come out to his crush. Kevin quickly took off, and Jade nagged Luke about how she thinks there was no use for him coming out to his parents when he can't even tell his friends that he's gay. One person he can confide in is Will, with whom he had a heart-to-heart on the ubiquitous rickety bridge. Will awesomely advised Luke exactly like a slightly-older-but-still-entirely-clueless-about-his-own-life teen might, then apologized for encouraging him to come out to his parents. "Nothing's worse than being dishonest with the people you love," said Luke. "Yeah, nothing's worse," responded an even guiltier Will. Also, thanks to a shaky P.O.V. cam and Luke's weird feelings, we learned that someone is watching him.

Susan dropped off Emily's things and lectured her a bit more about her obsession with Paul. Em insisted that she was just worried about Paul signing the relinquishment papers. Not to worry, reported Susan, who said that judging by how Meg behaved, Paul won't be raising that baby. Speaking of, Meg rejected Paul's suggestion that she help him raise the baby. "I don't know what to do: I give up my child or I lose the woman that I love," he said, before focusing his vibe and asking her again. Meg — despite being made to feel bad for her decision not to raise her sworn enemy's child — is still hopelessly in love with him, and was finally charmed into tearfully agreeing to at least consider it. "I can't think here [where the Svengali is so strong]; I need to be by myself for awhile," she told him when he asked her to start "thinking" in his bedroom. Instead, she went to see Emily. While trying to explain that she really, most sincerely wants Paul to sign the papers, Em realized that Meg had been unable to convince him to do so herself. "You don't want the baby, but he does. Where does that leave you, Meg?" said Emily. A flustered Meg assured her that she would hang on to Paul before storming off. That's all it took for Em to have a crazy daydream about Paul wanting to be with her and the baby, thus setting her mental health back weeks. "Meg did upset me," she grinned crazily to her mom as she clutched her pillow, "but I'm fine now."

Still basking in their comfy little Bubble of Happiness (Denial), Jen and Dusty told Barbara of their engagement. Babs was, perhaps surprisingly, wholly supportive of the union, and only wondered what took so long. "I got hung up when your son's wife kidnapped me," Dusty said helpfully. Barbara was also delighted to hear that Dusty would be adopting Johnny, but less thrilled to know that Lucinda would have the honor of throwing the engagement party. Still, she played nice and bit her tongue while they considered the guest list, even after Jen made it clear that Paul wouldn't be on it. But luckily for him, Lucinda took up the torch and defended Paul, suggesting that as the brother of the bride, he be invited to the engagement party because life is too short to hold grudges and Jennifer shouldn't have to choose between her brother and her husband.

Barbara, meanwhile, basically kidnapped Johnny and ran off to tattle to Paul. In typical Babs fashion, she let him open the door to see Johnny alone, then popped out just after he'd gotten up some false hope that his sister had stopped by. He was shocked to learn that Babs had no objections to the pending marriage. She hesitated slightly before allowing him to hold his nephew (what would Jen say?!); Paul was hit hard by the news that Dusty is going to be Johnny's new dad, but admitted that he thinks it's a good idea. But just when he was starting to feel guilty for his massive crimes, Barbara totally absolved him, blaming Craig and validating everything he did last year! Nevertheless, she guarded the date and time of the engagement party like it was a matter of national security, but still managed to get Paul to thank her and call her "Mom" as she left. It was a good day for Barbara. Two down, one to go....

Tuesday, May 23, 2006
A paranoid Em secured Henry's reassurance that he's helping her out of the goodness of his heart before she could continue scheming with him. Once that was done, they put their heads together and deduced that Meg doesn't know that Paul hasn't shown Em the child-relinquishment papers. Meanwhile, Meg and Paul were not knocking on wood while declaring themselves "free of all things Emily" and getting frisky when Henry banged on the door. He then poured himself a martini and made himself at home before "casually" demanding the relinquishment papers from Paul in front of Meg. Busted! Henry was summarily booted by Paul; Meg (Susan's words from yesterday no doubt ringing in her ears) had no interest in his excuses and tried to storm off, so he literally clung to her to keep her from opening the door and begged her not to go. She shoved him off, and this relationship is becoming as dysfunctional as his with Emily. (Bring it on!) He swore that he loves her, but she can't live with his lies anymore. Paul insisted that he didn't mean to hurt her. "No, of course not. Not until the next lie. And the next one after that and after that and before you know it, I'm the one pointing a gun at you on top of a cliff at midnight," shouted Meg, who so awesomely gets it. To stop her from leaving (again), he tried sincerity. He apologized, admitting that he didn't know how to tell her that he was confused: he hasn't changed his mind about the baby, but he was really affected by the sonogram. Gushing about seeing the picture, it finally came to him: "You and I can raise this baby together." He then turned on the Svengali again to get her to consider it, pointing out how great they'd be as parents, but Meg knows the score by now. "Except for the fact that it's Emily's. I don't think I can raise her child," she retorted angrily.

Hal dropped by Emily's with some court papers regarding her psychiatric evaluation period and once again showed his sympathetic hand, while doubting her "insanity." Then Henry returned to report that Paul "knows [she's] on to him" and noted that Meg definitely wasn't pleased. They both hoped (well, Em claimed to, at least) that Paul would choose Meg over the baby.

Nick tattled on Katie to Mike, who figured out that Carly's to blame for putting all of these silly ideas in Katie's head. Still, Nick felt bad. "I don't want you have to choose between your wife and your cousin," he shrugged, before offering to move out. Mike totally has his back though, and rushed off as Nick looked after him cryptically? gratefully? angrily? Unclear. Mike confronted Katie at home, so she showed him both medals now in her possession and — is anyone else getting confused by all the medals at this point? — laid out her theory about Nick. Mike was incredulous that she could accuse Nick of murder, as was Katie, who couldn't believe it herself when she put the pieces together. During their intense argument, Mike defended his cousin and scolded his wife for letting Carly poison her mind, while Katie indignantly noted that she possesses her own sense of reason and she was just trying to help her husband. "You sound just like Carly," spat Mike, who is suddenly quite judgmental about his ex-lover. Finally, Katie mentioned that she'd taken all the evidence to Jack (which really set Mike off) and anyway, Nick has an airtight alibi. Normally, we'd wonder why she even bothered with the whole, detailed argument (aside from the fact that she was defending herself), except that when she told him about the Wilderness Journey trip, Mike showed a glimmer of hesitation for the first time. She wanted to apologize to Nick, but Mike then told her he'd handle the situation (like the man of the house that he is), and asked her to stay out of it several times (going so far as to make her promise, but there was no mention of a pinky swear or any sort of disciplinary action for Katie's indiscretion). Meanwhile, Nick was still in the woods, staring at his cell phone, thinking of Mike's supportive words and nervously talking to himself as Mike called Mark (!) to ask a question about Nick's wilderness journey of yore. "There's something that's been bothering me about it."

Will was in a total panic about cheating on his term paper (Jade's advice? "If you can't pay the time, don't do the crime"), when his professor tracked him down at the library to give him mad props on the greatest Biology term paper ever written. It totally got a big fat A, so money well-spent (except that it didn't look anywhere near 10 pages long). You'd think the teacher would have been as suspicious as Maddie, who couldn't believe that Will could turn around such great work so quickly. Will stayed mostly quiet, as a proud Gwen defended her husband until Maddie backed down, profusely apologizing for giving Will a hard time and ruining his A-basking bliss. "Problems with Casey?" asked an atypically snarky Gwen, driving Maddie to tears. Gwen instantly said she was sorry, and Maddie then lamented to her about the problem with suddenly chivalrous non-sexed-up Casey. Maddie pointed out how lucky Gwen is that there are no secrets in her marriage. Cue Will, guiltily telling Jade that he can't believe he lied to his wife about the paper, especially because he's not even going to pass the Calculus final anyway. She offered help get the answers, without telling him how so he won't have to feel guilty. Her reason for being so helpful? He's a nice guy, explained Jade, who also got a scolding from the librarian about keeping her giant backpack on top of the stacks.

Monday, May 22, 2006
Carly was eyeing the St. Christopher medal when Katie dug up the info she'd copied from the police report: "the DNA markers are consistent with Michael Kasnoff." Neither one of them understood what that means, so Katie came up with Eli King — Meg's (and our) favorite unwitting accomplice/science geek — and asked him to look at the police department computer. But blondes don't seem to have the same effect on Eli, who refused to break the law for Katie until she convinced him that it was to help Mike, the nice guy who built the new hospital lab. Eli later reported that the DNA was classified as "consistent" because it could be a blood relation to Mike ... like a parent, sibling, aunt or uncle, or first cousin. Whoever could it be? Katie felt bad implicating Nick, but took the evidence to Jack anyway. Jack ruined that theory by pointing out that Nick has an airtight alibi: he was on a "Wilderness Journey," treatment program for troubled teens. Maybe that mousy Sarah Kasnoff did it after all! Meanwhile, Carly was left at the cottage to stall a suspicious Mike (who ended up going out to look for Katie), as Nick stopped by a jewelry store to pick up a St. Christopher medal, but it wasn't there. The jeweler explained that Nick's "wife" had the medal delivered to their home as a surprise. Katie returned to the cottage to report the dead end she reached to Carly, who helpfully supplied her with an excellent lie to tell her husband about where she's been.

Dusty got Johnny's "permission" to propose to his mom. "If I do this right, I only have to do it once, right?" he then asked, deftly bending down on one knee while continuing to hold the baby. "I love you, Jen. I can't imagine a single day without you and Johnny. You make me be the best that I've got in me, and I pray to God I can be the same for you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." After weirdly making sure that was all he had to say ("for now," he answered) she said yes, obviously. She also made sure that he knew she would cut Paul out of her life whether Dusty married her or not, then fished for a billion more reassurances before believing that he actually does want to be her husband. Yes, yes, yes. They were gushing romantically when Lucinda improbably jogged up and learned the good news. She offered to throw them an engagement party on the spot, but didn't volunteer to invite her ex-husband and Dusty's guardian, John, which we would have appreciated. Jen stepped away for a moment, and Dusty suggested that Lucinda didn't have to throw the party at her house. "Where you almost proposed to my granddaughter?" she asked (so at least Lucy got name-checked). "Darling, [Jennifer] got married in my house, so it sort of evens it out." Good call! A John mention would have made it perfect, though. When La Walsh trotted off, Dusty announced his desire to officially adopt Johnny, and together he and Jen sealed themselves up in a perfect little Bubble Of Happiness (Denial).

Meg was unwrapping some flowers at Paul's penthouse when Susan came out of the bedroom, having cleared out some of Emily's things, though she pointed out that her daughter had become such a different person with Paul — even down to "what she bought at the drugstore" — that Em might not even recognize the stuff when she brought it to her at the hospital (like, "Eww! This isn't my toothpaste!!"). Susan than bitterly broke the news that the judge decided Emily needed help before she needed punishment. Meg defended Paul, but Susan was, as ever, was in the mood to snark that it's All His Fault, and that her daughter's locked up in the psych ward while Paul gets to move on and celebrate. "I hate that whatever Paul does, he never has to pay the price, because for some reason, he's always able to convince some woman to take care of him and to take the fall for him," she said, referencing the classic Svengali charm. "He had you standing by while my daughter's clothes were still hanging in the closets. And by the way, you can tell Emma to give me a call when it's time to clean your things out of here." Go, Susan!

A speechless, clearly moved Paul was staring at the sonogram of his baby when Em returned to the room. He feebly tried to break the tension by announcing that he'd brought along the divorce papers, which he handed over — while sliding the ones to relinquish his rights to the child into his pocket. She signed them tearfully, and judging by his awkward, halting, non-Svengali-like speech, he seemed genuinely concerned for her. He then claimed not to have the other papers, but she wanted it to be taken care of as soon as possible. He promised to do so, then left just before Henry snuck in for a joyous reunion with her. She confided to him about Paul's odd behavior regarding the custody papers, and quickly devolved into humming with worry about the idea that Paul had changed his mind, and could end up raising her child with Meg. Henry did some checking and learned that Paul already has the papers. Uh-oh! Meanwhile, Paul went outside to query a nurse about the care of his baby-to-be. "I have some questions about Emily Stewart," he said. "You mean Mrs. Ryan?" she responded awesomely, making him laugh nervously. He soon went home to (in true Svengali style) sidestep Meg's requests for reassurance that Emily would be out of their life by reporting that Em had signed "all of the papers in front of her." Satisfied, she babbled on about Fiji, while a distracted Paul could barely tear himself away from looking at the child relinquishment papers. Finally, they toasted to their new life together.

2005 recaps