Friday, June 16, 2006
Dolled-up Katie and Mike snuggled on the Love Boat, cracking open the bubbly. At the country club, Holden told Jack that Damian's in town. Meanwhile, Lily didn't buy Damian's assurances about Kreeger's camp while Luke accused Kreeger of trying to scare him straight. Kreeger pretended he hadn't known Luke is gay. At the farm, Emma questioned Paul and Meg raising Emily's baby. Emily, Jen and Dusty awaited test results and Dr. Bob arrived and said that Em's stem cells were a match and they could do the procedure tonight. Susan put a damper on things, though, refusing to let Emily risk herself and her own baby. Stricken, Emily booted everyone from her room. Emma pointed out that Paul had spent a lot of time on the farm trying to woo Rosanna. Paul said this time he was going to get it right. He tried to pay off Emma's mortgage and she wasn't havin' that either. On the cruise, Katie ministered to Mike after a cork mishap and they toasted. Holden told Jack that Damian was holed up at Fairwinds, doing a whole song and dance about family. Jack offered to dig around with Interpol. Luke still didn't trust Dr. Creeper (er, Kreeger), who sowed seeds of dissent, saying that Lily knew what his camp was about.

Damian was sure that Luke isn't gay. "If he takes action, Lily, he could do something he could never take back." "Like what, fall in love with a boy?" Well, that and Other Gay Things. Lily realized how horrible Damian sounded, fearing she'd sounded that horrible to Luke. "Our son doesn't need to change, but I do." Lily was determined to go evict Kreeger and Damian warned her that Holden would blame her regardless. Jack and Holden discussed Damian and Lily's alliance. "It's not a healthy situation," he sighed, and it was Luke who was going to suffer. Emma turned down Paul's cash and scoffed at Meg's happiness. "I didn't settle this time!" Meg defended. And the baby would need Emma in its life. Emma caved but refused to forget Paul's past. "Our boy's gonna make it," Dusty assured Jen. Susan got paged and warned Dusty to leave Emily alone. Naturally, Dusty didn't: "Name your price." Katie and Mike enjoyed themselves as "Louie, Louie" blared across the ship. Holden confided that Damian wanted to make Luke un-gay and was knocking Holden's parenting skills. Really? Jack would've punched him! Well, Holden had done just that. He admitted he was bummed about Lily's reaction to the whole thing. Of course, Lily was currently having an awakening, telling Damian that if he didn't shape up, she would make sure he never saw Luke again. Luke pretended to play along with Creeper's "sick gay intervention," going upstairs to pack (Ruuuuuun!). In the Snyder barn, Paul and Meg settled in to milk Emma's cow.

At the hospital, Dusty reminded Em that she'd tried to off him but then gently assured her she'd be doing the right thing saving Johnny. "I want you to have faith that God's gonna take care of you." Okay. She'd do it. "I am the farmer in the dell!" declared victorious Paul with a bucket of milk. Emma wasn't quite so impressed, more harried, as she told Paul and Meg that Johnny was in dire straits. At the top of the stairs, Luke called Holden, whispering for help. Lily rushed in, crying Luke's name in a panic and booting the smug and creepy Kreeger. "This is just a trick!" Luke screamed. "They told me that you wanted to fix me!" Lily begged him to come down and talk. Post-coital Katie and Mike snuggled but were interrupted by a drunken woman from across the hall. "I'm back with supplies!" she told the dashing man in her own room: Simon Frasier! Emily awoke after the operation with Susan saying she and the baby had come through with flying colors. Dusty and Jen fervently thanked Emily. Tears were shed. Paul and Meg arrived a day late and a dollar short, learning that Emily's gesture might save Johnny. Holden left the club even as Luke got more and more agitated, accusing Lily of setting him up. "Stay away!" he yelled, accidentally shoving his mother. Oh, no! She rolled down the stairs in painstakingly slow motion and Damian rushed to her side.

What was the name of Emma's cow?
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Thursday, June 15, 2006
Nancy and Katie got Mike aboard a swank little cruise ship, ostensibly for Nancy's bon voyage. Gullible Mike bought it, even with the flowers and champagne there. At Crash, Will got angst-ridden again at Casey and Maddie's mentions of "last night," and then asked for help with summer school. Back at the library, Miss Stassell lowered the boom on Jade: the jig was up. At Lily's, she talked about Kreeger's "summer program" and Luke wondered, "I'm a little too old for camp, don't you think?" And if Lily wanted to send him away, he'd just move out. However, Kreeger assured Lily he could get Luke excited if he got him alone. Naive Lily beseeched Luke to give things a chance while Kreeger checked in with his silent partner Damian. Luke decided to hear Kreeger's pitch and Lily left the duo (No, Lily! No!). Lucinda ran into Damian at the Country Club and scowled at him. She quoted Mercutio from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet ("Ask for me tomorrow, and / you shall find me a grave man") and warned Damian she'd see him in his grave before he hurt the family. Back at Crash, Maddie slammed Jade for helping Will cheat and then Gwen asked them to drop the subject. Elsewhere, Jade tried defend herself to the irate librarian. Her pleas were to no avail — Jade got fired!

Back on the ship, Mike wondered if Nancy was hiding a man under the bed and even tipped the guy who brought in luggage that looked kinda like his! (He should've kept the cash to buy a clue.) After several minutes, 2+2 added up to "Ahoy, Matie!" "Do everything I wouldn't do!" Nancy cheered before heading back to shore. At the club, Lucinda got her contempt on with Damian. "Leave us all alone!" Damian refused, informing Lucinda of his intentions to make Luciano all manly. At the library, Lily and Jade snarked by prominent copies of Oakdale Confidential. "Our lives are none of your business anymore," Lily snapped. Back at the house, Kreeger almost reeled Luke in but when he mentioned that the Foundation van was outside, Luke shot him down. At the library, the librarian demanded Jade's key and suggested a list of "shelters" the girl could visit. Lily had no sympathy. Meanwhile, Will flashed back on gettin' busy with Jade and then got a call from her. Unnerved, he said the call was from Barbara and ex-schemer Gwen bought it (Did she go to a camp?).

Lily blasted Jade for crying poor to "justify your con job." Jade defended herself and Luke, too. "You let him down!" she accused. Affected, Lily stared down at Kreeger's brochure, asking the librarian if she could use the computer. (Yay for Google!) Kreeger kept manipulating Luke, discouraging him from calling Holden. In their cabin, Mike pointed out the cruise didn't solve anything. "Let's just make today about us!" Katie urged. Jade showed up at the Munson manse, spilling her new sob story to Will personally. Mike gingerly warmed up to the cruise idea. "Could you sound a little more enthusiastic?" Katie scoffed, nudging him. Kreeger linked the entire program idea to Lily (leaving out Damian's involvement) even as Lily realized that Kreeger's camp was an Ex-Gay camp. Horrified, she rushed for home but Damian stopped her. Dressed-to-kill Katie returned to the honeymoon cabin and then an equally jazzed up Mike joined her. Yay! Back at Crash, Maddie promised Gwen she'd never withhold Will info again. Will was baffled when Jade asked him to score her a job at Crash. "It's just too weird!" Luke still wanted to call Holden, getting increasingly bummed about what he thought Lily wanted for him and then he finally locked in to Kreeger's true intentions. Lily came to the same conclusion, lashing out at Damian. "My boy is not broken," she cried. "I still love him for who he is." And she needed to get home ASAP. "It's too late!" said Damian.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Damian introduced a Ross Kreeger to Lily. Kreeger said it sounded like Luke could use "a realignment in the area of gender confusion." "Are you a deprogrammer?" she gasped. Noooo, of course not! (Yessssss). At the country club, Luke caught up with Kevin, now a lifeguard. Curious Lucy walked up and Luke impulsively confessed, "I used to be in love with the guy." At the hospital, Jen and Dusty were still angsting by the crib and claiming Johnny looked like he wanted a pony ride. As Barbara entered, they realized the tot was burning up! Luckily, Emily was putting two and two together about stem cell transplants while talking to Susan. "My baby and Johnny, they're cousins, right?" Carly held out her wedding ring to Jack (cue their theme music). "If you put this on, I will never take it off again," she told him. Jack took the ring...and gently set it down. D'oh! Back at the Munson manse, Will revealed he'd been jealous of Casey comforting Gwen. Elsewhere, cousin Lucy demanded dish about Kevin. "I guess I'll just have to love you because you're you," she impishly told Luke when he boggled at her easy acceptance. Damian and Kreeger pitched "The Kreeger Program" to Lily, citing that Kreeger could fix Luke's confusion. "What if being gay is who Luke really is?" Lily wondered. At Memorial, Babs and Dusty found themselves on the same side, comforting Jen. In the psych ward, Emily was all rarin' to go with donating stem cells to Johnny even as Susan pointed out the risks.

Dusty suggested that Dr. Lake's office could "use some Barbara Ryan influence right now," shooing his future mom-in-law away as Jen's phone rang. It was Emily, who wondered if Jen could come visit. Jen and Dusty were all, "Um, NO!" Em begged Dusty not to hang up, piquing his interest by mentioning helping Johnny. Lucy and Luke kept talking about Luke's problems with Lily and Damian's arrival. Clueless Lily enjoyed the camp visuals and Damian and Kreeger said they could enroll Luke ASAP. Gwen reassured Will that all she wanted was him but Will still had things to spill. At the library, the librarian told Jade that Principal Weber suspected they'd helped someone cheat. You don't say! At their place, Jack told Carly he helped her in the cave because it was his job. Carly pointed out, "You were holding me, you were loving me." He didn't deny that, he just excused it. "I have to care about myself," Jack told her. And he couldn't stay married to her. "Go to Hell," Carly hissed, finally getting riled up. Jack admitted that, for a little while, "I wanted you back." (Gee, thanks.) Gwen and Will mended fences without a Jade-sex confession since Gwen preferred unpacking to unburdening.

In the nut hatch, Emily offered stem cells to desperate Jen and skeptical Dusty. "I was meant to do this," Em explained. "You can grab this chance and save your son's life. It's up to you!" If Luke was willing, then Lily was okay with sending him to camp. In the foyer, Damian reiterated the bottom line to Kreeger: Luke was to come back straight! "Don't worry, Luke will thank you for this," Kreeger oozed. At Chez Snyder, Jack said, "I love you," but Carly didn't want to hear it. "If this is what your love amounts to...then I don't want it." Will found Jade at the library and she spilled about the cheating suspicions before he told her he was back with Gwen. Naturally, she pretended she was all rah-rah for the reunion. At Lily's, Kreeger wanted some alone time with Luke (Creepy!). "When we're through, he'll be calling, begging to join the program!" (Told you!) Luke came home right then (run, Luke, run!) and Lily made the introductions. At the psych ward, Dusty and Jen accepted Emily's offer and they decided to run the compatibility test STAT! "Your eternal love doesn't do a damn thing for me except make me feel like a complete failure," Carly told Jack. "Leave," she demanded, mascara running. Jack thought she was bluffing, but she emphatically flipped the deadbolt after he walked out.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Hopeful Carly fairly floated downstairs. "Welcome home, G-Man," she sighed as wary Jack "Um"-ed and "Listen, Carly"-ed. Fortunately, Gwen showed up at the door on Will Patrol. At the footbridge, Jade marveled at Will returning to the scene of "the crime," and pointed out that getting through this meant getting through it with Gwen. Katie and Mike met up for breakfast and awkwardness as Mike talked about being shut out of Nick's funeral. "What do I have to do so you'll let me back in?" Katie wondered. (Un-shoot my cousin?) Susan came to see Emily and Em said the baby was a turning point for her. Over at Memorial, Dusty and Jennifer stood vigil in the same exact spot as last night and Dusty went for an update — from Lucy. He demanded, "If you know anything, talk to me now!" and Jen joined in. Dr. Bob arrived just in time to curtail the interrogation but his demeanor set off warning bells for Jen. Emily raved about her sudden connection to her baby and Susan worried because the court had set a date for Em's hearing. "Go home to your wife and fix it," Dr. Phil, er, Jade told Will before letting slip that she still had no place to stay. Back at Chez Tenney-Snyder, Jack hightailed it to work and Carly beamed to Gwen that he's been "terrific." They then dished Jack and Will.

Katie urged Mike to come back to her and he ended up admitting he'd been unfair to her. They'd decided to forgive each other when Lucinda brought them a hefty royalty check from her book. Huh? Oakdale Confidential? Didn't Nancy Hughes write that? The awkwardness came rushing back as Mike gave Katie A Look and fled. "Was it something I said?" Lucinda cracked. Carly assured Gwen that Will had done the wrong thing "for the right reasons." She just needed to tell Will she loved him and "everything will be okay." Emily's happy mood came crashing down as she thought about having to give the baby up. Susan bolstered her spirits and then guards came to escort Emily to an appointment with her OB/GYN.

Back at the hospital, Jen started freaking out and Bob admitted that Johnny had a rare blood cancer but he couldn't confirm the diagnosis so he'd called in a pediatric oncologist. "How are we going to save our son?" Jen demanded. They'd do everything they could. "I promise you." Emily spied a weeping Jen and Dusty and asked them what was up. They snapped at her. Carly shooed Gwen off to fix things with Will as Will arrived to the Munson house looking for his wife. Meanwhile, Katie found Mike on the footbridge (Oakdale's designated Angst Spot) and they kissed and made up. Maybe they could get out of town and take that honeymoon? At the Munson manse, Will was packing a bag as Gwen came in. Gwen nixed the packing, confirming Jade's point: They couldn't fix things if he walked out. Meanwhile, Carly donned her Montana wedding dress, all aglow, as Jack came home. Uh oh! "Stop saying you're sorry and tell me where you've been!" Gwen directed mopey Will. "There's nothing that I could never forgive." (Reallllly?) Jen kept wringing her hands at Johnny's crib and Dusty comforted her. Emily returned to her room and asked a waiting Susan about Johnny. Susan 'fessed up and mentioned promising stem cell research. Intending to surprise Mike, Katie made a quick phone call to Nancy: "I need your help again." Elsewhere, Jack wondered what was up with the white duds. It was Carly's gun-jumping outfit: "Yes, Jack. I will be your wife, now and forever." Ack!

Monday, June 12, 2006
Angsty Gwen finished up her set at Crash, regretting venting at Will. Casey and Maddie tried to lift her spirits. Elsewhere, Jade lifted Will's spirits her own (naked) way. Dr. Bob checked over Johnny and called for an ambulance stat! "Try not to worry," he told Jen (fat chance of that!). At the funny farm, Paul demanded Emily sign the surgical consent form and quit using the baby against him. "Go ahead, say goodbye to your child!" he railed. A distraught Emily tried to put her John Hancock on the form but couldn't. "You win," she whispered. Paul wasted no time in ripping up the papers, praising her choice, and talking about drawing up custody papers. "Why don't you and your girlfriend go find someone else to torture?" Emily spat. Gwen regretted handling things with Will so badly. In the brush, he and Jade did the post-coital awkward thing. "I just cheated on my wife, Jade. How am I supposed to feel?" Johnny was brought to Memorial and Lucy was called to help examine her brother (conflict of interest much?). Bob, Kim, and Barbara tried to reassure Jennifer that putting off Johnny's vaccinations hadn't caused this. Lucy told Dr. Lake she should be taken off the case — because the mother might not want her involved. "That's not true!" Jen said from the doorway. She was glad Lucy was there!

Paul's current tried to mend fences with his ex and Emily really wasn't havin' that from Meg. Then, Paul and Meg beamed at each other over their impending parenthood. In her room, Emily cried and threw a fit — and not just because Henry showed up in a garish clown suit with balloons! "I feel like such a failure," she told Bozo. Out in the bushes, Will felt sorry for himself. "It's really unattractive," noted Jade. Gwen was worried that she couldn't get Will on the phone. Maddie went sleuthing and reported that he'd been seen by the footbridge. Lucy reassured Jen that the vaccination thing hadn't made Johnny sick. "Babies are designed to terrify their parents," Lucy said, gently, as Dusty brought in Johnny's toy monkey. Paul and Meg twinkled some more while Clown Suit Henry counseled Emily. Dusty tried to buoy Jen and give her strength and then Barbara came in to do the same. Outside the room, Lucy ran into Dusty. Awkwardness ensued but was curtailed as Dr. Bob came back with Johnny's test results.

Gwen, Maddie and Casey searched the footbridge area for Will and Gwen kept blaming herself for Will's predicament. At Crash, Jade said that if flunking out broke the deal on Gwen and Will's marriage, it probably wasn't much of one. Paul was sure he and Meg would've triumphed even if Emily had signed the papers after all. They kissed victoriously as Henry laid out plans for Em's trial. "It means no more kidnappings, no more bear traps," he warned. "A free woman, let me remind you, doesn't have to give up her child at all." Dr. Bob told Dusty and Jen that Johnny's blood work had come back "inconclusive," and they needed to "stay positive and calm." Lucy stared down at Johnny's charts, troubled. Maddie and Casey left to search the town as Gwen found her note for Will crumpled in the grass. At Crash, Will and Jade listened to a burned track of Gwen singing and Jade concluded that Gwen still loved her hubby (despite him being a dirty cheater). Paul and Meg kept beaming about parenting as Henry told Emily, "You're a fighter." This was a campaign to get Emily out of jail free and the baby could be her saving grace. "Maybe Uncle Bozo's right," Emily conceded to her fetus. Jen and Dusty held vigil over Johnny as Lucy confronted Dr. Bob. "You're afraid Johnny's very sick, aren't you?"

2005 recaps