Friday, September 15, 2006
"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to get me in the sack,” Carly purred when Simon kept plying her with umbrella drinks and drunkenly suggesting that now that she's free, she needs a new man, "new terrain, new sensations.” Carly seemed partly embarrassed and partly intrigued, but she managed to keep herself fairly sober, chatting up a tarot card reader (who had some "the choice is yours” advice about her romantic future) while Simon got thoroughly sloshed. Pretty soon, the couple was dirty dancing to Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie” in a way they might regret if they actually remember it in the morning. But what they might really regret is the intense makeout session that followed. Carly had her doubts and Simon wasn't so trashed (or sleazy) that he didn't give her the option to stop the sexual progression, but at that point, who could really resist? By the end of the day, he was ravishing the breathless divorcé on the bed.

At the memorial, Bob hilariously yes dear'd a worried Kim as she quizzed him about his treatment of Gwen's injuries in the church's outer room. "She keeps it up, I'll have to put her on staff,” he quipped to Gwen and Barbara. Meanwhile, a panicked Will was inside the church trying to figure out an escape route for himself and Jade, who had just confessed that she's pregnant. They found a private room, where Will argued that the chances his condom wasn't doing its job are "practically nonexistent” but Jade even offered to let him call her doctor. He ended up apologizing for doubting her and though he looked like he was about to vomit at any second, he listened supportively to her reasoning that she was going to keep the baby because her upbringing was so terrible. She assured him that she and the baby will be just fine on their own. It's occurred to us that Jade is suddenly the new Gwen, except a little shadier and not as good a singer.

Maddie was pretty stressed about the memorial (though apparently not so much to throw together a little up 'do with her hair), and though Casey patiently held her hand, she ran out of the church when she saw all the photos of the slain teens. Margo followed and got Maddie to open up about her psychotic sister, her enormous guilt and her rape. With motherly hugs and soothing words, Margo assured the tearful teen that she will eventually recover. She even offered to let Maddie move back in at the Hughes house.

Back at the memorial, Bob was giving a gloriously poignant eulogy for the dead dayplayers about how he'd "held each of these children in their arms when they were babies” and how he knows their whole families — that would have been nice to see at Jennifer's funeral — when both Jade and Will entered separately but conspicuously late. Jade joined someone with a slick new hairstyle that we eventually realized was Luke, while Gwen took notice of Will's distress, and by the time Bob got to the part in his speech about the joys of having babies, Will ran out. When Gwen found him outside, he didn't beat around the bush for long. "Something bad?” she asked. "Yeah, something bad,” he responded. "There is nothing you could do that would change the way I feel about you,” promised a concerned Gwen, which only made him feel worse.

Back inside, Casey reminded everyone that Eve is to blame — not Maddie, who has "suffered more than anyone” — and all but ordered them to support his girlfriend.

At the hospital, Lucinda nagged Lucy about Dusty and her hair and all manner of grandmotherly things. Citing their painful past, their age difference and Craig, Lucy reiterated that she's "not going back to Dusty. And that's final.” The young doc then took herself on a solo date to the movies (just like all of Springfield's been doing lately), where she (literally) ran into Dusty, who immediately called her "princess” like he can't help himself. They had a chat right there in the aisle (about how great and beautiful Lucinda is), missing what sounded like the movie's dramatic climax. Lucy invited him to sit with her, subconsciously letting her hair down (Lucinda really does influence her!) while stealing furtive glances at him. They continued their impromptu date by quickly falling in to their old couple habits.

Thursday, September 14, 2006
Gwen and Will, in the post-coital blush of new-newlywedded bliss, had to decide which sugary cereal to steal from Parker, Sage and J.J.'s stash. Gwen was surprised that Carly let her kids eat junk (we were too), but Will postulated that Carly, like his own parents during their frequent separations, was bringing her guilt to the grocery store. Gwen decided on a combination of all three cereals. "That's my girl," Will said, Paul-style, and together they continued to bask in their happiness. She quickly agreed to move back in with him; they made plans to meet later at the service. Barbara arrived during their kiss good-bye, and after Will rushed off, she grilled her daughter-in-law, but their talk soon turned into a sweet heart-to-heart about college and shopping. "You have a very unique and creative look," Barbara complimented generously, reminding herself of back-to-school shopping with Jennifer. Gwen listened to Babs's wistful memories of her late daughter, then kindly asked if they could go to the service together. Barbara was nearly brought to tears by the gesture; she told Gwen that she feels blessed to have another daughter.

In Emily's hospital room, Nurse Meg was greeted by the infuriating sight of Paul, asleep at Em's bedside, his hand in hers, because his Svengali skills only work when he's fully awake. She woke him up quickly, and was giving him guff about his sensitivity gaffes when Emily woke up and gushed about her dream, which involved being caught with her new baby girl in a terrible storm and Paul rescuing them heroically. "Just like in the movies," ground out Meg, before being ordered by her patient to find Dr. Schiller, who declared Em fit to go home. Paul took his chance to win some points back from Meg, who noted that the more he enables Emily's freak-outs by holding her hand, the worse it will get. "You're creating a monster," she noted. Her solution was for him to take a trip, forcing Em to be more independent. Paul put his own special spin on the plan, suggesting that he just pretend to leave town but hide out at his apartment, then Svengali'd her into agreeing to it. His next step was to break the news that he's going on a business trip to Emily, who suspected he was lying. To save his story, Paul let Em think he was doing it to get away from Meg.

In her Lakeview suite, Maddie opened the door to a tabloid magazine highlighting her sister's misdeeds, then continued to ignore Casey's phone calls. Margo wouldn't let him get out of his hospital bed to track down his semi-girlfriend and take her to the memorial. Bob okayed his release, under the condition that Casey go straight home after the service. "What happens to those poor souls — those families — is something that this town is going to have to deal with for a long time," opined Bob. (We'd bet on "not really," but whatever.) Once she tamped down her worries about Casey, Margo seemed proud that he was being so supportive of Maddie, but urged him not to push. Back in her suite, Maddie lied to Henry on the phone that she's fine and that the non-murdered kids have been really supportive. Said undead kids were snarking about Maddie at the church when Will arrived to urge them to be nice, and they even seemed open to that idea. That's when Jade arrived to thank him, make wildly delusional statements about their friendship, and — oh yeah — tell him she's pregnant. But she only did that last one after Will gently told her that he and Gwen were back together.

Casey showed up at Maddie's and begged her to come to the service with him before nearly passing out. "You need to concentrate on yourself and just forget about me," she ordered. "There she is: bossy old Maddie that used to live with my parents," he said, glad to have her back. Obviously, he ended up convincing her and they arrived at the memorial hand-in-hand.

A radiant-but-freshly-divorced Carly joined Simon in the Santo Domingo hotel lounge, where she quickly gave up her positive attitude and admitted that she feels miserable. "It just so happens I have the cure for what ails you," he said — "Dr. Frasier's Miracle Tonic" being, of course, silly umbrella drinks in souvenir glasses, and lots of 'em. "Two drinks, the guy at the front desk will start looking like George Clooney" was one of the selling points. She called him on how well drinking himself to oblivion had worked in getting him to forget about Katie. "Touché, you got me. I admit to a twinge every now and again. When you love someone so passionately, they're deep in your bones. You can't forget about them overnight," he said, claiming that she'd eventually "get over it" like he had. She still wasn't buying it, so he turned her focus back to their business. They were toasting to new beginnings when they spotted their (well-cast) big investor in the bar. He tried to sneak past them, but was finally forced to admit that he's pulling out of their project. Carly tore into the recently broke man for backing out, impressing Simon, who wasn't worried about replacing the investor. Finally, they drank their toast to "the future, all bright and shiny."

Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Maddie fretted that she won't get over her guilt, but Casey wouldn't accept that answer: "Face it, Maddie: we're in this together," he said, confident that he'll eventually wear down her self-pity party with grins, love and cute pleas for her tutorial skills. In the end, she was powerless to resist his charms and they had a little book club meeting right there in his hospital room.

Also laying the charisma on thick was Will, who continued to subtly compliment and support Gwen. She confided that planning the slain teens' memorial service feels very healing, because it gives her something to do. "You were never really a big one for sitting around brooding," he noted. "No, I leave that to the master," she grinned. He expressed that he's proud of Gwen, and went to the church to help her set up. After they at least mentioned Jennifer a few times, Gwen stood next to Will at the altar and thanked him. "So you'll stick by me, get me through this," she asked. "I will. And you with me?" he asked. "I will," she responded, taking his hand. Acknowledging their impromptu vow-renewal, the young Munsons decided to start their marriage over. All because they spent time together arranging murder victims' headshots on the altar! It's good to know those teens didn't die in vain. Next, Gwen and Will went to Carly's sofa (which has seen so much action) to reconsummate their marriage.

Casey and Maddie were also well on their way when two of the teens who escaped with their lives, who turned out to be Gil and Ada (we still can't tell any of them apart) arrived; their surprised reactions to seeing her caused Maddie's guilt to come rushing back. "Gil, he's always a jerk, but they're really not that bad," argued Casey oxymoronically, convincing her not to run away. "You're all pale in a hospital bed. It's like saying no to Ashley Wilkes," she sighed. "Right, whoever the hell she is," responded Casey, in his distinctly Casey way, before promising to even watch chick flicks with her before she let the undead kids in. Gil, who really is kind of jerky, urged him not take on a charity case; both he and Ada warned him to dump Maddie now, because she only cares about herself. Casey kicked them out, but an eavesdropping Maddie wondered whether Gil and Ada had a point and ran home.

Bob was questioning a squirrelly Lucy about why she's at the hospital when Dusty arrived to flirtatiously ask the same thing. "I hope I don't have to tell you that your focus should be on work when you're here," scolded Dr. Bob, admonishing her not to let her personal and professional lives intersect, and it's nice to know that someone remembers that Lucy is still an intern. It turns out today was actually one of her many (though supposedly rare) days off, and she had just lied to get away from her "Herb" with Dusty, who had to convince her to come to Yo's so that she could confess about how Barbara bullied her. Dusty could relate to his mother-in-law's grief-driven actions, but was still irritated that Lucy had childishly run out on their "Herb." "I just don't like the drama," he said, but added that he's grateful she's his friend. Lucy was still skittish about spending time with him because "it's too intense" between them.

Paul summoned Emily to Yo's to tell her he couldn't buy The Intruder, while Meg passive-aggressively shelled peanuts, then finally offered her two cents, which is that it's probably for the best that Paul won't have any business with Emily. She took off before Em arrived, full of ideas for the newspaper, which he eventually squelched with his bad news: Craig won't sell. An annoyed Emily battered him with an "I told you so" tirade, growing more agitated about having her hopes dashed and wasting all her time. She got so worked up that she started having pains. Paul rushed the humming mother-to-be to the hospital, where Meg's speculations that her rival was just abusing her delicate condition for sympathy didn't sit well with Paul. Meg pointed out that she's been more than accommodating regarding the Emily situation, and asked him to "disengage." Paul couldn't do that, calling it a "hostage situation" with his unborn child. That's when a stern Bob reiterated that Emily must be kept calm and rested. Paul put on his Svengali cape and went in to soothe Emily. "That's my girl," he said, stroking her hair, as a dismayed Meg overheard.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006
The Lakeview Dining Room was abuzz with talk of wowing the powerful Yamamotos, who can give WOAK and WorldWide a boost if Dusty, Kim and Lucinda's pitch on new media or something goes well. After being introduced to the visiting Yamamotos as "companions" by Lucinda, Lucy put her diplomatic skills to good use, charming Mrs. Y with news of a new tennis elbow treatment "out of Hong Kong." Later, though, she whined to Dusty about having to babysit annoying clients on their "Herb." They ran into Meg and Paul, who got past the velvet rope because he claimed to be "a member of the media elite." (Barbara, for one, was annoyed to hear about his Intruder plans for the first time.) Paul pretended to be glad to see Dusty but was really there to get info from Lucy about Craig. Lucy reported that she's done dealing with her dad, and Paul will have to get to Craig on his own. Svengali-Paul wouldn't take no for answer, so he pulled Lucy aside, leaving ex-lovers Meg and Dusty to catch up. Dusty questioned the ring around her neck and even approved of her explanation, which is keeping nutty Emily from getting jealous, then asked about the wedding and wished her well. Dusty is so mature these days! Things weren't going as well between Paul and Lucy, who stood firm with her decision. Paul attributed her stubbornness to Dusty, but was ready to move to Plan B.

Before Lucy could get back to Dusty, she ran into Barbara, who treated her with the level of "warmth" she usually reserves for women who are possibly after Will and Paul's money or are from Jersey (or both). Dusty might as well have changed his name to Ryan when he married Jen, because Babs will be "watching out" for him for life. Anyway, Lucy, still riled up from her encounter with Paul, asserted herself with Barbara, noting that she and Dusty aren't rebounding or anything. But Barbara has dealt with plenty of over-confident girls before and knows how to put the screws to them — by the time that she was done, we think she had implied that Lucy might want to watch her hectic schedule of rushed medical training and re-romancing Dusty or else die of being "in a hurry" like Jennifer. Or something like that. She also noted that Dusty wouldn't get over his grief so quickly. Whatever it was, it worked: Lucy politely thanked Dusty for a lovely evening and went home, clearly shaken.

At a nearby table, Paul put Plan B aside for a minute to gush romantically with Meg about the wedding, but her suggestion of an October date reminded him that that's when the baby is due. He floated the idea of an early spring wedding next year, which disappointed her, but then Paul got distracted by a phone call from Cass (Cass!) anyway.

Henry brought Gwen and Will — nearly functioning as a single unit again — to check on Maddie and offer their support. Gwen even apologized for being vague about her relationship with Casey; she made it clear that there was nothing between them. They (along with Henry) also convinced Maddie to visit Casey, even though she worried that if he rejected her, she wouldn't be able to handle it. At the hospital, Casey was telling Margo that he wants Maddie back; his mother urged him not to make any promises to the damaged girl that he can't keep. "I want her to know she doesn't have to go through this alone," he insisted. When Maddie, Will and Gwen greeted Margo and Tom at the hospital, everyone made themselves scarce so that Maddie could be alone with her hero. Casey, looking even more drowsy than usual, told her how sorry he was for thinking for even a minute that she was the killer. "So are you gonna dump me?" he asked, telling her that he promised his mom he wouldn't push her, but he loves her and can't just let her go. This sweet little speech left Maddie nearly dumbstruck. "It's my fault all those kids died," she finally lamented. But Casey tackled her dilemma with a Zen-like game of "what if," naming all sorts of things that had happened that she couldn't control all the way back to Maddie's parents meeting. Because they're pretty right for each other, this Cliffs' Notes description of fate and the butterfly effect worked well on Maddie, who actually cracked a smile. "Bottom line? You're gonna get through this. And I can help, if you'll let me," he said, offering his hand.

Emily found an overwhelmed Henry with his head in his hands after Maddie left to see Casey. She managed to put her own scheming aside for a moment to get him a glass of water and sympathize with him. He hinted that he was thinking of packing and was surprised when she reacted slightly alarmed that he might be leaving town. No, he's just getting rid of Eve's stuff; she offered to keep him company during the sorting. He confided that he's worried about his teenaged sister being stuck with all the guilt and he doesn't know how to help her. Em offered a hug and tearfully assured Henry that if he would just "be [Maddie's] best friend" like he was for her, his sister will be just fine.

Monday, September 11, 2006
"Sometimes love just isn't enough, Emma," said Jack, his voice breaking, as she urged him to fight for his marriage. Meanwhile, at the hospital, Lucy had just given Gwen her release instructions when Will showed up to be her escort. He brought her to see Carly, who considered postponing her Santo Domingo trip to watch over her sister. Gwen and Will were introduced to Simon (although we'd like to think Will already knew Simon, even though we can't quite place when or how) and assured Carly that they'd be fine without her. Carly and Simon then headed over to Emma's. "There's nothing like being back on a farm to remind you of how nice it is to not be back on a farm," joked Simon, who continued to urge Carly to go through with her quickie divorce in a way that both made sense and also satisfied his own motives (which seem to have something to do with convincing himself to move on). Eventually, though, he got so cheeky that Carly sent him to the car to wait, while she endured a black-and-white flashback of a close moment with Jack on the porch, before going inside. There, she found Jack pondering the divorce papers, and promptly ripped them up, telling him about her plans to speed up the process in Santo Domingo. All he has to do is sign a paper that she downloaded and look after the kids while she's gone. He started fishing around, saying that he doesn't like her traveling to a strange country by herself, which was her cue to indignantly report that Simon's flying her there. He claimed not to care, because it's none of his business anymore. They then managed to pull a classic Carjack moment of magnetic closeness (should be trademarked) out of her showing him where on the paper to sign. Simon watched them through the screen door, no doubt wishing he could have a similar moment with Katie right about now, then quickly headed back to the car to use the horn to honk them out of their reverie. Jack signed the papers and he and Carly exchanged a sad "That's it" before she left.

At the hospital, Dusty was picking up a prescription for Johnny when he ran into Lucy and after some initial awkwardness, impulsively asked her to a business shindig with some big clients in from Japan. "Dusty Donovan, are you asking me out on a date?" she asked, then decided he wasn't ready for the "D" word and suggested they rename the event "Herb." As in, "Blind 'Herb,' " or "Internet 'Herb'ing' or "Save the Herb" (although those weren't her examples). Dusty kindly indulged her by playing along and laughing, and off they went on their contrived Herb with destiny.

At Carly's, Gwen confided to Will how weird it is to see her sister with another man. Will helpfully answered our earlier question by revealing that the last time Simon was around, he was just a kid, but then identified the Aussie's rep as that of a "cad" and "bounder." Gwen said that she still has hope for Jack and Carly, and then the teens' conversation stopped being a metaphor and started being literally about their own marriage. Will admitted to Gwen that he knows that it can't go straight back to the way it used to be, but suggested that they maybe should be housemates for awhile until she feels better. He also spent the day being the Best Husband Ever again, bringing Gwen some comfort items from home and assuring that he would be there for her, all without pushing too hard. It worked: Gwen asked him to stay.

Katie, real estate magazines in tow, caught up with Mike at Yo's and instantly began gushing about all the houses that she wants to look at, especially one that's miles outside of town and makes their current home look tiny. Well, the Frasier Cottage is small, but surely the one thing it has going for it is its remoteness, no? Mike cut off her excited spiel to warn her that he wasn't going to let Simon run them out of town. He also pointed out that he's worked hard to make their home special (turning the Frasier Cottage into the Kasnoff Cottage, in his mind at least). He also forgave her for blabbing to Simon about their babymaking, because Mike is suddenly the most patient person around. That's when the scene got a little icky: Katie got her period basically right in front of us (well, she got a cramp and then ran off to the ladies' room), all to illustrate that she's not pregnant. Which made her incredibly disappointed, and us wonder whether some things could be better conveyed more delicately. Mike could not have been more sweet and supportive, which was somehow heartbreaking.

Luke let Jade hold his new brother, and he happily noted how comfortable she is with kids. Holden walked into this cozy scene, and made it clear that he doesn't want her around Ethan, but Luke pointed out that Jade has handled the baby before. "That was in public. I was on the spot," argued Holden, who noted that this reeks of Luke sneaking around behind his back. He then forbade Jade from being his new son's babysitter, even though Luke valiantly tried to plead her case. Luke chased after the poor girl later, but she wanted to wallow in self-pity alone.

2005 recaps