Friday, December 22, 2006
Simon was drowning his sorrows at the Lakeview when Henry showed up and the two old friends proceeded to (finally) have an awesome chat about their miserable lives. Simon noted that Henry's always got some "cool blonde stashed away" to turn to. "Yeah, there's a blonde. Not Katie. And lately, not only has she been cool, she's been downright cold to me," he shrugged, before using what seemed like some Sound Of Music quotes to urge Simon to stick around and fight for the woman he loves, for once. And that means Carly.

Speaking of, she was having an awesome chat of her own, with Jack, about how they were pretending to be a family "when [they] never will be again." Jack begged to differ, noting that they're still the kids' parents. "I spent the last year hating you and missing you and wishing I didn't miss you," he said ("Me too," she echoed wistfully), "But the one thing I loved about you, Carly, was how you were with the kids." And with that, she agreed to stick around, in spite of Katie and Vienna. She panicked when he then told her he had to split for a half hour to help the kids pick up her present. Before he left, he made it clear that he was still worried that she hadn't completely ended things with Simon; she asked him to leave Simon alone. "I'm not going after Simon, I'm looking after the kids," he told her sadly. Katie spied on them through the window, which disappointed Mike, who had been lulled into the assumption that she was getting over her obsession.

Back inside, Mike was dispatched to put together some toys for Emma, giving Vienna a moment alone to compliment Katie on her mega vendetta Simon. She then made her intentions to pursue a romance with Mike known. It didn't take long for their argument to devolve into a girlie brawl, which Carly broke up — so they both turned on her. Katie basically lost it then, grabbing Carly by the arm and demanding to know where the diamond is. They had cornered Carly when Mike and Emma came in to put a stop to the madness. When Mike took her outside, Katie tried to backtrack, but he angrily told her to go.

At the outdoor mall, Jack told the new, tall, dark-haired Parker that he wanted to officially adopt him, like he apparently did with J.J. "I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything, but I don't want you to adopt me," Parker said, but he really meant that he misses Hal and he thinks he's too old to be adopted. Jack assured him that it was just for legal reasons in case something happened to Carly; Parker won't even have to give up his last name. Parker was also worried about what fights might happen if Simon wed Carly. Jack promised there would be no fights...over Parker, at least. Later, the new Sage and the new J.J. joined Parker, Jack and Carly for their Christmas hike.

While Meg desperately worked to save his life, Paul had a vision of a creepy redheaded little girl playing with a ball and running into a ski lodge owned by "Emily" who opened the door and welcomed him in. In a theme that recurred in the dream, she cheerily asked Paul who he is and then explained in that blank, creepy way that people act in surreal dreams that the little girl was her daughter, Jennifer, but she's gone now. She urged him to warm his hands by the fire, but when he saw the little girl in the flames he reached his hand in, burning it. Meanwhile, back in the real world, the paramedics were trying to shock his heart into beating again. By the time he got to the hospital, where a frantic Meg tried to find out his condition, Paul was back at the dream cabin, where he found a stocking with his name on it. "Who's Paul?" he asked himself as "Gwen" and "Will" (in a special Flock Of Seagulls hairstyle for this particular surreal episode) came in, fresh from skiing. "Barbara" also showed up and introduced him to her "son" "Dusty." Paul just kept insisting that he had to get to a train, but "Dusty" wanted to play Russian roulette first. Paul refused, saying he has too much to live for. He then spotted the redhead outside again but couldn't open the door. Then "Craig" strolled in with a ski bunny "Meg" in his arms, happily gushing about their honeymoon. Meanwhile, Will, Gwen and Barbara kept vigil at the hospital with Meg. Paul's dream just got wackier until he ended up sobbing in the snow over the red ball.

Katie went to the Lakeview and found Henry, getting drunker by the minute. "I find that you make more sense when I am numb," he slurred, kicking off a melancholy Christmas montage.... Back at Emma's Mike watched the snow fall with Vienna and remembered making snow angels with his Angel. Simon wandered through the streets, handling his phone. "No matter what Henry says, she's better off without you," he told himself, but called her anyway. She ignored the call to go on the hike with her kids. In his dream, Paul kept sobbing and calling Jennifer's name, until "Meg" came to comfort him. "Come back," she said in his dream (which, did we mention, was mostly in black and white?). Suddenly, he opened his eyes.

Thursday, December 21, 2006
Will saw through Iris's attempts to make him jealous with her insinuations about Adam and Gwen, so he called her on it. Gwen interrupted them and sent her mother away. When they were finally alone later, Will noted that Iris had hinted that there was something more than business going on with Adam, but that he didn't believe that for a second. She haltingly explained that in L.A., she finally realized that Adam is "a person" and not just some slick music producer, detailing all of the nice things he did — leaving out the kiss. Will ended up thanking his brother for handling Iris.

Henry met Katie at the outdoor mall and reported that the Prince of Leonia is in town, thus making Katie rejoice over the idea that Simon would soon be imprisoned. Despite Henry's attempts to stall her vengeance, Katie was determined to make sure Jack was acting on this latest lead.

After promising Jack that she would end things with Simon, Carly met the Aussie at the Lakeview and did just that, leaving him devastated. "You've got to tell me how we can make this work, Carly, because I'm not going to give you up," he said, quite earnestly, before reminiscing about how they first met. He noted that she made him feel something he's never felt before (!) and he wants to be with her. She emotionally told him that she doesn't regret anything about their time together, but she couldn't resist losing her kids. With a tender kiss, he accepted her decision.

Craig literally ran into Meg at the mall, and lamented spending the holiday without Lucy or Johnny. "Well, 'tis the season for Biblical quotations, so here's one to put under your tree: ŒYou reap what you sow,'" she told him. Meanwhile, "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" tinkled out of Paul's sparking, mangled car on the side of the road ‹ with him unconscious inside. The next carol was playing when a man in a robe and a ghoulish white mask (The Ghost of Christmas Future? The Oakdale Slasher, Version 2.0?) showed up in a bright light and urged Paul, in a deep voice, to follow the light. Paul ripped off the mask to uncover "Craig" and the whole hallucination got even creepier. (We know it wasn't really Craig, because he was busy getting into the holiday spirit with a forgiving Margo.) By the time Meg (who was driving by) found Paul, he looked dead.

Casey managed to avoid telling Margo about his gambling problem for another day, even though Adam had been insisting on it. Adam didn't rat him out, though, and Casey asked to wait until after the holidays to tell his parents.

Mike dropped by the Snyder Farm to do some work for Emma, who invited him over for Christmas Eve. Somehow Vienna found the farm and ran into Mike's arms, crying dramatically about how angry the prince is. "He's banished me! I'm an orphan! I can't be alone on Christmas Eve," she whined, before recognizing a scent from her childhood in Sweden. It turned out Emma's was baking her Swedish grandmother's dish, and to Mike's amused horror, Vienna pretty much invited herself to the Snyder Family holiday celebration and by managing to endear herself to Emma, she even got herself a guest room there! She can also apparently cook. Mike was helping her put a pot of her barely pronounceable Swedish specialty in the oven and ended up in an (innocent) embrace with her. That's when Katie arrived. When Emma lured Vienna away, Katie managed to get through to Mike (with sweet holiday memories). He was about to kiss her when Vienna came back downstairs and interrupted. Outside, Carly told Jack that she had ended things with Simon; Jack invited her to spend Christmas with the family.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006
In L.A., Iris was delighted to see Adam and Gwen kissing. Then, during the flight home, she listened in from a few rows back (in what looked like the plane's first class section!) as Adam shrugged off the meaning of his impulsive kiss with a guilty Gwen. Using their appropriately whispery plane voices, Adam and Gwen also discussed her career. "If Sinatra came out today, he'd never make it out of Hoboken," noted Adam in his slick L.A. music producer lingo, by way of reiterating the need to make the most of Gwen's spectacular performance in front of the record company executive. She lamented the idea of ending her college career for singing, but he mentioned a semester off wouldn't kill her. She said that she needs to give this whole stardom thing more thought.

Casey and Elwood actually bet on whether the playpoker.com guy would be back for his money. Adam arrived home in time to find the roommates getting the shakedown from the thug (so both Casey and Elwood lost the wager, in a way). Adam peeled off the cash and paid him ($2800!) right there, then blamed himself for not tattling to Margo and Tom when he first found out about his little brother's problem. Adam ordered Casey to tell their parents immediately.

Will was sweetly thrilled to see his wife again and genuinely happy to hear about her success in L.A., then broke the news that he got into Oakdale U. She tried to cover her guilt while breaking it to him that she's thinking of quitting. Iris showed up and — while Will was telling her to leave — alluded to what she "saw" in L.A. and how Adam knows how to handle a woman. She dropped enough hints to make him suspicious.

Having been caught trespassing in the Snyder kitchen by a shotgun-toting Emma, Paul wasn't in the best position to again beg Meg to stay away from Craig, but he tried anyway. His arguments were mostly the same: Craig is a bad bad man and Paul will love her forever. Meg felt bad but didn't budge from her conviction to stay away from men who use violence to solve their problems, so she kicked him out. When he was gone, she sobbed in her Mama's arms and admitted that she still loves him. On the way home, Paul left a threatening message for Craig, then — while ranting insanely about all the people that Craig has taken from him — he lost control of his car and veered into oncoming headlights.

At Java, Jack told Carly that the Prince of Leonia has officially reported his diamond necklace stolen, and if the Oakdale P.D. doesn't find it in the next week, "we've got an international incident on our hands." She continued to deny involvement in the theft, but he emotionally declared that he still cares for her and doesn't want her to go to jail. He then warned is now-quite-nervous ex to wash her hands of Simon before it's too late.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Iris sauntered into Gwen's dressing room and brushed off questions about both her parole violations as well as the reason Will threw her out of the house. Gwen didn't buy any of her excuses, especially when she realized that Iris was drunk. Her mom quickly turned really nasty, finally calling her a "nobody" and taunting that the crowd will laugh her off the stage. Their argument left Gwen so flustered that Adam had to first dump Iris off on some random assistant (who was instructed to take her on a tour of the stars' homes) and then sweet-talk some confidence back into Gwen until she was ready to take the stage. She did such a great job that Adam spontaneously kissed her backstage afterwards. Poor Will!

Casey and Elwood were maniacally playing online poker when Maddie showed up, but once again didn't catch on to their activities. Apparently, Casey had inadvertently stood her up for holiday shopping, but she wasn't upset even though she waited for over an hour. After Elwood made himself scarce with some cute ant farm talk, Casey and Maddie cooed about keeping each other warm before agreeing to check out some stores. But first, she opened his computer to look for a gift for Henry. That's when she finally saw the poker site and confronted him. He stuttered out a denial, calling Elwood the gambler. When Elwood returned, Maddie staged an impromptu intervention. "All the kids are doing it," he argued, claiming he didn't have a problem. Maddie's got experience: both her mother and brother (Henry, nice, true-to-character point!) gamble and they're always in debt. She even gave him the number for a counselor (named Dan) before leaving with Casey, who first apologized to his roommate. "Now your girlfriend thinks I'm some kind of creepy addict, dude," yelled Elwood, tossing him the number. "Maybe Dan has a 12-step program for cowards." Elwood then noted that Casey doesn't have a problem, so he should just tell Maddie the truth. Casey was gone when a rep for the poker Web site showed up looking for both roommates. Elwood lied that both Casey Hughes and Elwood Hoffman flunked out of school. "Those boys are in trouble," warned the rep.

Meg urged Craig to drop the charges against Dusty so that he could follow Dusty to Johnny. She also informed Craig that he's not interested in her; he only chases her around to get to Paul. Craig responded by attempting to push her buttons about Paul, but Meg stuck to her guns. She reiterated that she only wants to help Johnny, because of her lingering guilt for helping out with the baby switch cover-up. He argued that Dusty would just end up running off with Lucy and Johnny. She got to him by noting that he sounds just like Paul. "I don't care if the both of you fall off the face of this Earth," she spat, before leaving.

Speaking of, Paul danced off of his balcony when the loosened railing gave way (oddly, today it was dark outside when he fell, while yesterday it was still daytime). He managed to catch hold of something an pull himself back up (impressive!) and flashed back to Craig conveniently saying, "When I set you up for the fall, you won't see it coming."

When Margo stopped Emily at Java to give her the news about Johnny's kidnapping, Em told her that she would help in any way. Meg overheard them and approached Em about her plan to use their shared guilt for good: reuniting Johnny with the only father he's ever known. Emily agreed to help with her testimony, but didn't know how she could, pointing out that Dusty confessed to attempted murder. "What do you want me to say?" she asked. "I don't care, just make it right," responded Meg. Emily clarified that that meant lying. "Isn't this ironic? Isn't this why you dumped Paul?" grinned Emily, who eventually suggested a half-truth might be just the ticket.

Craig screamed at Sierra over the phone about whether she was harboring Lucy and Johnny. When he got no answers, he threw the phone, just as Paul angrily entered. Craig feigned innocence in the rigged railing incident before Paul warned him to stay away from Meg; Craig glibly noted that Meg came to visit him that very day. "Okay, let's just say Meg was here," Paul said jealously, demanding to know what she would have wanted. Craig needled his rival some more before getting a phone call from Margo. For Paul's benefit, he pretended that it was Meg. After Margo hung up, Craig kept the conversation going, pretending to set up a meeting with Meg at the farm. Of course, Paul bought it and showed up in Emma's kitchen, where before he knew it he was staring down the barrel of a shotgun.

Monday, December 18, 2006
Paul was annoyed to find Craig in his apartment, but positively delighted to hear that Lucy has run off with Johnny. He tried to dismiss Craig, who threatened him by noting that he found the blanks that were removed from the gun in the penthouse. This, as far as Craig is concerned, "proves" that Paul set him up to set Dusty up, or some such nonsense. If Paul was worried, he didn't let on, and coolly called his bluff. "How do you sleep at night, knowing that your own little boy is going to grow up not even knowing you well enough to really hate you?" asked Paul. "You can bluster all you want, but when you're spending time in Cell Block Q with all your friends singing show tunes, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that Meg forgets you," he taunted. And that's what it took to get Paul to finally lose his cool, pinning his rival against the door before finally kicking him out. "The most [Lucy] will ever be to you is a prisoner," Paul spat. "Happy landings," grinned Craig cryptically in response. Paul then went out on his now-supersized balcony to brood before leaning on the railing to throw the bullets away. The railing, of course, fell away, and Paul did a few pirouettes on the edge before seemingly going over the side in slow motion. The camera then zoomed in on the fake skyline.

At the hospital, Dusty's nurse, Meg, was trying to administer pain killers when he admitted that he purposely rebroke his arm again so that he could come to the hospital, where it's much easier to bust out. As usual, Meg didn't want to get involved, but Dusty proved that he's Paul and Craig's equal in the manipulation department when he managed to persuade her that it's a good idea to help him out — even though she wouldn't aid in his escape. "I'm going to make [Craig] think that what I want is what he wants," planned Meg, who went to visit her mark and asked him to drop the charges against Dusty. She argued that if Dusty's out of jail, Craig can follow him to Johnny.

Holden found Faith outside and brought her inside to a worried Lily. The little girl woke up and weakly begged her parents not to divorce. They assured her everything would be fine and after a trip to the doctor's, she was as good as new. Lily, of course, continued to worry. Holden reassured his wife, then jovially refused to accept his daughter's apology. Instead, he thought they should all look forward to the party in which he and Lily will burn up the dance floor together. Faith seemed cool with that. "There's nothing she likes better than the promise of her father making a fool of himself," he joked later. Meanwhile, Luke cutely cooked up a special grilled cheese sandwich (extra cheese, no pickles) for his sister, but Faith declined it.

Will arrived at Java in time for Casey's celebration over his latest online poker win. Though Casey covered, Will still wanted to know what's going on with him. After they chatted a bit about Gwen being off in L.A., Casey wondered when they were going to see some return on their time investment. Will noted that with the way Adam's burning through cash he'd be lucky if he made back his money.

2005 recaps