Friday, March 2, 2007
Brad was assuring Kim that he could do today's interview for the OAKDALE NOW because Katie was in no condition to go on the air when Katie showed up still sporting her shiner ... and Kim had no choice but to side with Brad. Jack watched Katie get the disappointing news from Kim, so he stepped in and urged his brother to "go easy on her" because she's had a rough time lately. He agreed, but as soon as Jack left, Brad got himself all excited about possibility of THE BRAD SNYDER SHOW.

Vienna snuggled up to Henry, wondering if he's still cold. He admitted that he's quite, um, hot, then again refused to go out in the snow to hike for help. She sassily snitted that he would surely rush to the rescue of "black-eyed Katie," which was the first he heard of his Bubbles getting pucked at the hockey game. Henry's worried call to Katie made Vienna realize how much he loves her; he sweetly told her about his foibles with the former Mrs. Coleman. Vienna was so moved to hear that he had previously sacrificed his own happiness for Katie's that she decided he deserved a, um, "happy ending," and pulled him into a kiss. At the same time, Katie left Henry a voicemail message complaining about Brad stealing her show right out from under her.

Lily was showing the creepily naive baby food ladies around the farm, which they were scouting as a possible location for print ads, when Holden somewhat innocently wondered whether she was going to feed Ethan or he should. She sent the ladies off to look around on their own, then snapped at her husband when he (this time quite innocently) noted that he thought Lucinda stopped the funding for the start-up company. She jumped to the conclusion that he'd been gossiping with her mother. But Holden soothed his wife's nerves as usual and within seconds, he was giving her a neck massage as she evaded his question about the funding.

Craig caught Meg as she was leaving Al's and — what a coincidence! — she had mysteriously been granted some time off to pack for her move and he happened to be driving a very large vehicle. Meg vowed, in high school girl way, that she would "never ever" kiss him again as he sort of groveled for her affection in a high school nerd way, which Meg apparently finds quite charming.

At the farm, Holden caught up with Meg, who had been avoiding him and the presumed disappointment she would see in him. That's not true, insisted her brother, who has become Oakdale's Paragon of Sensitivity and Forgiveness. Still, he was concerned about her relationship with Craig. Meg announced that Craig was just giving her a ride to the Wagon Wheel, but Holden pointed out that she could live at the farm or his house. She declared that she needs to stand on her own two feet for once in her life. Holden promised to be there for her whenever she needs him, even though he still doesn't get why she's friends with Craig. Outside on the porch, Lily popped a pill and told Craig he was a good friend. He had just inquired about how her sneaky transfer of WorldWide funds went when the baby food ladies came back from their tour of Snyderville, chirping about the prospect of shooting a (much more expensive) commercial for the company, with Lily as spokesperson. Craig convinced her to embezzle or whatever just a bit more to pay for it. Lily had to think about all of it, but was grateful for his help. Meg came out and asked Lily to put in a good word with Holden; her sister-in-law suggested that would take decades, gave her a hug and urged her to just be happy.

After finishing up an important message on Barbara's voicemail, Paul asked the Lakeview bartender — whose use of the word "charming" to describe Babs gave Paul brief pause — if he'd seen her. He hadn't, so Paul fingered the bracelet before heading to his next destination....

....Which was the Snyder farm, where he childishly pretended not to see Meg ("Just like I pretended I didn't see Craig out there waiting for you in a big truck"), then embraced his new zen self (instead of his normal Svengali self) and told her that he was really there to check on the kids, before giving in and simply confessing: "Just so we're clear: I still want you" before going inside. Lily greeted Zengali Paul, Ethan in her arms, and he gave Faith's (previously Meg's) bracelet back, along with a book for Parker "if Jack will allow him to accept it." Holden came back and tried to make him leave, but Lily took Paul outside and thanked him for saving Faith's life. That's when Zengali Paul dropped all pretense and admitted that he wanted to see the kids and all that, but it was actually just a cover because it really is all about Meg for him. She went back inside and he eyed Ethan's teddy bear. As soon as he picked it up, he flashed into one of his psychic visions, but instead of seeing the usual weirdly disconnected, fuzzy images, we cut to post-coital Henry and Vienna, making it seem like they were in Paul's head.

It would be upsetting if they were, because Vienna was in such a state of rapture that she doodled their initials in a heart on the steamy window, Titanic-style, as strains from "My Heart Will Go On" tinkled in the background, in case we still didn't quite get it. (But kudos to the scriptwriter who remember that Katie did the same thing after her first time with Simon, which annoyed Vienna.) "V" then declared to "H" that she is falling in love with him, which he found rather hard to believe. She called him "the best lover [she's] ever had," and then got an idea, presumably about how to stay in town. Meanwhile, at WOAK, Katie overheard Brad leaving a smarmy message for Vienna and smugly broke it to him that the Scandinavian temptress had skipped town. He retorted by calling her "mean and bitter." Jack walked in as a stung Katie stormed off, and scolded Brad. "Why do you care so much about the ditzy blonde? What does she mean to you?" asked Brad, as Katie eavesdropped and Jack searched for an answer.

Lily was nervous about being the baby food spokeswoman considering her current body image, but Holden thought it was a good idea. She asked him not to tell her mother. He went off to do chores and she took another pill.

And finally, we got Paul's vision, which consisted of a fuzzy close-up of the teddy bear in a crib, as a woman screamed.

Thursday, March 1, 2007
This episode focused entirely on just two pairs: Dusty/Emily and Meg/Craig.

First, we'll get past the really upsetting part: Turned on by Emily's bold admission that she kept Dusty chained in a basement for weeks, her john/potential advertiser/source Eliot declared their last encounter "a little vanilla for [his] taste," and moved right on past sleazy and disgusting to psycho. He proceeded to pin, push, slap, choke and taunt her as she screamed, thus fulfilling his icky rape fantasy in a nauseatingly hard-to-watch scene. At the same time, Lucinda was gossiping to a worried Dusty about a colleague's previous, wildly disturbing experience with Eliot, noting that pretty women should keep their distance from him. Upstairs, Em fought back hard and Eliot actually let her leave after hotel security knocked on the door, saving her and all of us from enduring any more of that ugliness. We jump-cut to Emily returning home and deflecting Susan's queries about her busted lip and general injuries. After assuring her mother that she wasn't raped and indignantly declaring that she's not a whore, Em deemed Susan's attitude judgmental and tossed her out so that she could wash the evening's grossness off in the shower. Afterwards, Emily emerged in a towel, only to see Dusty creepily sitting in a chair in her bedroom. "I didn't mean to scare you," he said gently, but honestly, what did he think he would do? What if she had been naked? Try waiting in the living room! Anyway, Susan had called him because she was worried, and Dusty had pretty much confirmed what happened after examining the state of Eliot's hotel room. Still, he calmly asked Emily if Eliot was responsible for her injuries, using that even, measured tone of his that means big trouble for his enemies. She begged him not to take any action, insisting that he doesn't owe her anything anymore (because she helped save Johnny's life). "You think that's why I'm here?" he asked, noting that he was just trying to figure out why she would go off with a guy like Eliot. "No man will ever really know me," she said eerily. "I can be someone else. They can't hurt me if I'm not the one who's there." He responded by showing her a photo of Daniel; Dusty can relate to her urge to ease the pain of loss. They then had a heart-to-heart, in which he said she deserves better because she's a good person. (And when your kidnappee says that about you, you must be doing something right!). She argued the opposite and yelled for him to leave, but he wouldn't. "Just tell me what you want. I can give it to you. Because that's what I do," she repeated a few times, crumpling to the floor in tears.

And now for the cutesy part: Craig followed Meg around Al's as she struggled to keep up with her waitress duties and hounded her about moving in with him while also snapping at her rude customers ("Hey look, Emeril. It's a $5 salad. Be grateful it's green," he told one complainer). She was convinced that there'd be strings attached if she accepted anything from him. But Craig, ever incapable of taking "not interested" for an answer, bought out Al's for the night so that he could shower her with more "convincing arguments" for moving in with him, most notably by mocking Paul's whininess. He tried to prove he's different by offering to leave if she asked. Meg, predictably, couldn't help but be charmed by his latest stunt, and shared a slow dance with him.

A montage to Christina Aguilera's "Hurt" connected them to Emily, who was held and soothed by Dusty before he tucked her in bed. He then settled back into his creepy waiting chair to watch over her. Susan came in and gave him a throw, knowing he wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. Indeed, he was there when she woke up in the morning, even more sore from her bruises. Dusty fetched her some coffee, then urged her to go after Eliot. She wasn't ready for the "my word against his" fight with the cops. (As if Margo wouldn't be sensitive to that particular crime above all others.) Dusty finally let it go after she explained a little bit about what happened, making it clear that what Eliot did was wrong, but that she also blamed herself a bit for going to his room in the first place. She thanked him for his concern, and Dusty left on good terms after they agreed that they're friends. Once he was gone, she put away the cash she'd earned.

Meg and Craig, meanwhile, had danced all night (!), so she had to get some sleep before returning to work, and still refused to go home to Fairwinds with him. She gently broke it to him that if she does sleep with him again, it'll be when her life is in a better place, then gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Henry noted Vienna's rush to get out of town and assumed she was fleeing to meet Simon, but she confessed that she's actually running from the Feds, then turned on the charm — and her alarmingly tight grip — for his help with her escape. Despite his reluctance (and the fact that she's not a blonde), Henry finally relented, thanks in part to her promise of cash. They got into the car and bickered as he made his way cleverly along back roads to avoid the cops, until she finally gave him the money he demanded in exchange for his services. Unfortunately, he was lost by then, and also out of gas. Vienna tried questioning his manliness to goad him into going for help, but Henry noted that he's too secure in his masculinity to fall for that trick. So Vienna, declaring that they "laugh at the cold" in her home country (Sweden; she's probably right), decided to hoof it to civilization in her stilettos. After some hilarious hemming and hawing, Henry heard a howling coyote and gave up the idea of going after her, taking a nap instead. He was awakened by Vienna's return. "I snubbed Princess Caroline with these shoes," sobbed the frozen, dejected heiress, before asking him to hold her and keep her warm because the way her life is going, he's the last man on Earth.

Will couldn't concentrate on his studies because he was too busy worrying — via a series of flashbacks — that Gwen is fixated on Adam. He also got a mysterious hang-up phone call. Speaking of mysterious calls, Jade found Gwen and Maddie at Al's and gloated about her personal voicemail message from Evil Adam, sending Gwen into a panic. She demanded to hear the message, but the voicemail was empty when she grabbed the phone. Jade accused her of getting rid of it, and wondered why they were so confident that Adam hadn't called; Gwen and Maddie retorted that Jade clearly made up the whole thing. Jade then posited that maybe someone was trying to make her think Adam called to freak her out — the message was static-y and hard to hear — and announced that it was time to call Margo. Gwen quickly put a stop to that, noting that it would only upset Margo, so Jade reluctantly agreed to wait until she has a more solid lead. Once they were gone, Jade promptly ignored that promise and met with Margo, who didn't exactly believe her either, but listened when Jade explained that Gwen and Maddie have been acting really squirrelly, which makes her think they have a secret. Margo took the phone and asked her to call if she gets another message.

Meanwhile, Gwen was outside the cottage, totally unraveling: she turned on Maddie, scolding her for letting her hatred of Jade make them look guilty (and for the fact that they actually are quite guilty, because Maddie killed the guy!) Maddie calmed her down and they made up before Gwen went inside, where Will pointedly told her what's been on his mind: he believes that when he slept with Jade, the worst part was that he kept lying about it day after day. This all made Gwen wig out even more than usual. She nervously declared her love and went to bed, while Will scowled at a photo of his wife and his brother before joining her.

A flustered Emily continued to be outraged by Dusty's queries about her apparently shady relationship with Eliot. She "confided" that she was simply playing a guy who thinks he's a hotshot. She also made the excellent point that if instead of drinks, Eliot had asked Dusty to play squash, Dusty would have happily let him win. Dusty figured she must really hate Eliot, but she clarified that she simply has contempt for him. He wondered whether she could do business with someone for whom she feels contempt. "I better, or I can't deal with like, 98 percent of the men on this planet," she responded, earning a hint of a half-smile from Dusty. The sleazy john/potential advertiser then called to make a date for that night, but she turned him down. Em then told Dusty she had to go work on a story; he volunteered to come with her. She rejected that idea and indignantly noted for the record that she wasn't going to see Eliot, so Dusty backed off and left. That's when Eliot showed up and suggested that she make her schedule "more fluid" — he had called Cheri and switched her appointment for tonight. Dusty secretly followed them up to Eliot's room.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Jack and Katie were eating at Al's when Vienna, after dismissing her grilled cheese sandwich-loving lawyer, came up to dramatically beg for his help in getting her out of the prince's lawsuit. She clutched him and whined, while Jack perused the case and chuckled at the idea that he could do anything to intervene in an international case. Katie calmly ate her ice cream, soaking up Vienna's sorrows with glee. "Don't gloat, Katie. It's not very Oscar de la Hoya-esque," he joked to his black-eyed friend. "You liked her, didn't you?" asked Katie, to which he responded in the affirmative. "Men can be so dumb," she responded, shaking her head, before urging him not to worry about Vienna, because she, like Katie, is a survivor (which she pointed out is another way of saying they only care about themselves). "No, it's guys like you and Mike that people need to worry about," she said, which only reminded him that he forgot to pick up Sage's costume for her class play. Katie hooked him up with a costume at WOAK — "Well hey, I ruined your life but then I borrowed some costumes from wardrobe, so I think we're even," she quipped, then noticed him looking pensive for a second. She guessed he was thinking about Carly, who was great at making parenthood seem like fun. That led to more worry about Parker and how he thinks he's failing all three of the kids. She assured him that he's doing a great job; Parker's only acting out because he knows how much Jack loves him.

Henry overheard Brad trying — and failing — to get an agent by pretending he's the brains behind the talk show, so he strolled up and calmly asked about Katie. Brad accused him of spying for Katie; Henry was pointing out that he's not that complex when he got a call to make a pick-up. Vienna had rejected all legal methods to end her troubles and called a car service to get her out of town. Henry turned out to be her driver, surprising them both.

Emily and Dusty met with her newest john, Eliot — who also happens to be a television executive, a potential advertiser and her source for a big scandal story in The Intruder. After Eliot and Emily pretended to meet — him unable to resist a little coy innuendo — Dusty went off to make a phone call. He returned to watch as they flirtatiously discussed whether she is a newspaper writer or a hooker, and made another date. Dusty returned and they sealed a great deal, at which point he voiced his suspicions: that Em and Eliot already knew each other and that she had implied their relationship should go beyond business. She was outraged.

Casey was leaving group therapy when he got roughed up by some guys looking for money he owes that he doesn't have. Will showed up just as things were getting really hairy and chased the thugs off, ostensibly because it wasn't a fair fight. Casey then lessened the tension by reminding Will about a fight they got into together over a soccer game as kids, but finished by asking his buddy not to stick up for him anymore. Will lamented that thanks to his year of deaths and drama, he doesn't have anyone to confide in anymore, so Casey offered his ear. Will then opened up about his concern for Gwen, who acts more distant by the day.

As Maddie checked the corpse found in the woods — and did a nice, nauseated reaction without giving away whether it was Adam or not — Gwen insisted to Iris that she didn't do anything to Adam. Gwen freaked out and demanded that her mother get out, but Iris just kept taunting her, before launching into her AA spiel and threatening to call Will. When she agreed to keep mum in exchange for cash, Gwen unloaded on her mother. "It's not even that you're a drunk. It's not even that you've had bad luck. You're just a really horrible person," she finished, which actually brought Iris to tears. Gwen then asked whether she should pay her bribe in cash or liquor. Iris was about to smack her when Maddie rushed in. Iris smugly announced that she knows what's going on, so Maddie, with equal smugness, noted that the body was a homeless person, as Gwen physically shoved her mother out of the house. She then vowed to call her "good friend Jack" to send Iris back to jail if she tries to blackmail her. "Now get the hell off of my property," she said firmly, perhaps getting so carried away that she forgot it's Lucinda's property. Isn't it? Maddie and Gwen went to Al's then, to sit in front of that giant box of Tums — has anyone else been noticing that lately? — and discuss what they've done again and how they have to keep their cool. That's when Jade showed up to gloat that she got a voicemail from Adam. Will came home to an empty house.

Monday, February 26, 2007
Katie, apparently ready to accept that Mike is never coming back, literally cried on Jack's shoulder. He could relate, what with Carly being on the lam and all, which led to a discussion about Brad's lack of compassion and their shared desire to punch him occasionally. That's when Brad bounded in, still on a high over taming the wild dog, at the same time as Vienna showed up and began gushing over him. There was only so much of that that Jack and Katie could take, so he suggested they get out of there. He brought her to the hockey game that both J.J. and Parker turned down, and either they were in the extreme nosebleed section or else the Oakdale University hockey team could use some better boosters, because there were only about four rows of bleachers. Katie quickly grasped the basics of the game and was soon using that old cheerleading spirit to call for the other team's blood and root loudly and often incorrectly for OU (to the annoyance of nearby fans), while also comforting Jack about his Parker problems. Back at WOAK, Brad and Vienna guzzled champagne and got hot and heavy until she got an emergency call about how she's being sued by the prince. Meanwhile, Katie and Jack were having a great time when Katie got beaned by an errant, slow-motion slapshot puck. When Brad spotted the resulting shiner later at Al's, he announced that there's no way she's going on-air looking like that.

Lucinda met Lily at Al's and sternly rejected her offer of tea to excoriate her for giving more money to the ladies at the baby food company start-up. Lucinda would hear none of Lily's excuses: as of today, she's withdrawing WorldWide funds from the project. Craig came looking for Meg and spotted them arguing. After Lily went to the counter, he stopped by to get in a few digs on Lucinda, who refused to give him any information about Lucy or Johnny, assuming she has any. He rubbed in the fact that Lucy had to basically give up her life to be all alone on the run. Lucinda stood her ground, noting that if Craig would just relinquish his parental rights, he could end everyone's suffering. He then twisted the knife by noting that most of her family in town is angry at her and she has no husband or lover &mdash only her servants to keep her company. Lucinda took her leave then, and Lily got a chance to gripe to her brother-in-law about her mother's lack of support. He slyly suggested that she transfer some funds from another subsidiary of the conglomerate, reminding her that she still has power of attorney from when Lucinda was ill. She recognized his plan as embezzlement, but he convinced her that she'll only be helping WorldWide when she sees a huge return on her investment. He also gave her a pep talk about her looks and she mentioned that she lost some weight when she was taking the diet pills. He urged her to start taking them again if she wants, and once they said good-bye, Lily popped more pills.

Gwen worried that the body found in the woods might be Adam, but Maddie argued that there could be any number of corpses stashed around town, thanks to her psychotic sister, for one. But Gwen was so freaked that Maddie promised to sneak into the morgue; if she IDs the body as Adam, she'll confess. Iris happened to be sitting on a nearby bench reading the newspaper as the nervous girls parted, so she followed Maddie to the morgue. Dallas, now older with less hair, caught Maddie in the morgue and didn't buy her stuttered excuse that she was doing a "community service" project there. She finally "admitted" that she'd worried that the stiff might be a victim of her sister's. Dallas understood, but warned her not to go near any more dead bodies and offered his support if she needed it. Later, she sneaked back in and prepared to lift the sheet over the corpse.

Gwen went home and commenced her typically freaked-out behavior, which made Will naturally ask what's wrong with her. Gwen fantasized herself making a tearful confession, followed by Will's sensitive, understanding response &mdash and subsequent arrests for both of them. Snapping out of that, she lied that everything was fine. After Will tucked his wife into bed, Iris stopped in to gloat. It seems that not only has she noticed that Gwen's been acting even more high-strung then usual, that she lost her wedding ring, and that she often has a dirt under her fingernails these days, but that she followed Maddie to the morgue. Iris speculated that the body found in the woods is Adam.

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