Friday, August 12, 2005
Brook Lynn and Diego made awkwardly polite conversation about a shindig at the Pizza Shack until a bouncy Maxie interrupted and Brook stalked off. Diego was set to be Maxie's hot date but groaned, "Oh, Supercop," as Jesse arrived and warned about something "going down" at the oh-so shady PC hotspot. Already there, Georgie angsted about Dillon going to college in town, five seconds from her (instead of to the film school of his dreams), while Bobbie escorted Lucas in from his stay on Wisteria Lane. Lucas caught up with his old crew as Maxie pitted Diego and Jesse against each other. When Diego earned a hobbit elbow in the gut, Maxie spat "It's about time you decided to fight for me," at the Diminutive Detective. Diego was ticked at being suckered and went home to throw a tantrum where an equally miffed Lorenzo could offer no fatherly advice. Brook also wandered off on her own — thinking Lucas was a Maxie fan, too. Maxie blew off a protective Jesse's warnings and danced with Dillon — who'd learned that Lucas would be his freshman roommate. Someone slipped something into Maxie's glass. She chugged it and, naturally, started acting weird (okay, weird-ER). Dillon caught her as she fell from her go-go spot atop a picnic table. Detective Obvious revealed somebody was drugging girls' drinks. Oh, no! Brook, still drinking hers, wandered on to the Elm Street Pier as footsteps approached.

In the Wine Cellar of Doom, Miss Alicia "I prefer Ali" Montenegro caught Jason up on her prescription pill of a mother's plan while, upstairs, Sam tap danced around an amorous and amused Andrew and Madame Sudafed. "Love you, Ali." Don't love you, Andrew." Allegra revealed Andrew fell in unrequited love with Ali after seeing her stark naked in the Fountain of Innocents clutching champagne. Uh-oh. This wasn't going to be easy. Ali hid herself as Benadryl paid Jason a visit and suggested he get Sam to cooperate while Andrew tried to get Sam to dance with him. No dice. "My Ali can tango on crutches. Something is different about you." He nipped out some French doors as Jason was brought up. Jason and Sam caught each other up on their not so twinkle-toed situation, tried to escape, and failed. Andrew popped back up in the grand room, wanting a chance to make Ali love him as much as he loved her. A weary Sam agreed and Andrew flipped on some music to make love to...gasp. Below, Alicia snagged Jason's cuff-fiddling metal and refused to give it back unless he helped get her to her true love in Greece. They were going to have to work together...

At Greystone, Reese assured Sonny she was the very-much alive Charlotte Roberts. At her place, Carly had the same revelation. Morgan awarded her with his lollipop. Lorenzo interrupted her talking to herself and she assured she was acting out a fairy tale and fled on an errand. Riiight. "What do you think, Morgan? Should I believe your mom or is she spinning another fairy tale?" Meanwhile, Reese explained her and Caroline's friendship and how her life began sucking after the car accident: reconstructive surgeries, her mother faking Charlotte's death to get back at her dad, her dad killing himself, her own failed marriage and dead child, etc. But her hate for what Caroline had put her through didn't matter when the kidnapping file came across her desk. "All that mattered was you." But Sonny was still puzzling over some things, like "How does a fight between teenagers have the power to destroy a family?" Before Reese could say what Carly had done, Carly stormed in. Her "Ah-ha! It's YOU!" moment was ruined by the fact that Reese had "ah-ha"-ed herself already. Reese remembered their horrible argument like it was yesterday — about "how I walked into the room when you and my father were in bed." A shaken Carly said Reese's father seduced an impressionable young girl. "You are not innocent, Caroline." And Sonny defended Reese. "Whatever anger she had for you, she didn't act on it." "Like Hell, she didn't. She took you!" Sonny maintained he and Carly had been over when Reese hit the scene. Yeah, because Carly lied to him. Reese's pants were on FIRE. Sonny was unconcerned. Reese's secret hadn't been about him. As Carly swallowed that bitter pill, Sonny kicked her out. "Once a liar, always a liar," Carly whispered before she left. "Charlotte, I wish you'd stayed dead." Reese thanked Sonny but he was distant, warning that he wasn't going to go down this road again. Carly arrived home, announcing to Lorenzo that she was right about Reese. Lorenzo threw a cushion at a lamp and snarled, "I want you gone."

Thursday, August 11, 2005
At the Palace of Polite Peril, Jason heard a faint female voice from the other side of the cellar wall as Stepford Wife told Sam she looked like her dead daughter. After a tussle with the two guards, Jason lifted a pen and used part of it to pick the lock on his cuff! Way to go, MacGyver! Upstairs, Allegra Montenegro raved about Sam's likeness to Alicia, even whipping out a rather unflattering photo. Sam was to take Alicia's place in an arranged marriage and bring in the big bucks to keep the Madame in moolah. Uh...no thanks! Jason freed himself and caressed the wall, realizing he could dig through it! Not knowing he was so enterprising, Zyrtec told Sam she had to marry this Andrew guy or Jason would stay in the cellar forever. Sam grabbed an antique knife but Flonase just scoffed at her, comparing the gig to a wonderful con, "paydirt," — except, you know, without options. While Jason pretended not to dig and traded some uncharacteristic snark with Heckle and Jeckle, Sam said she couldn't pull off being some society princess. No worries — all she had to do to convince Andrew was...dance! Madame Claritin, clearly two Fruit Loops short of a complete breakfast, even got in waltz position and demanded Sam join her. Meanwhile, Jason kept digging, urging the faint voice to dig, too, and meet him in the middle. As he tore through a fist-sized hole and expanded it, he was shocked. "Sam?" "Who the hell is Sam?" snapped the not-so-dead Alicia. Not quite DANCING WITH THE STARS like Kelly Monaco, Sam stepped on Allegra's toes, shoved her, and ran for the door...where a hot guy with a mullet and an accent greeted her with a kiss. She greeted Andrew right back...with a fist in the face!

Reese met up with Ric on the Elm Street Pier for another dose of Ric's sage advice about Sonny's stance on lies when Alexis showed up with a process server and served Ric. A stressed-out Reese blasted Alexis for wasting her time with dumb lawsuits instead of cherishing her hubby and kids and stormed off so Ric and Alexis could engage in some of their vintage banter. Ric offered Alexis a full partnership in Lansing, Marshall, and Davis. "Not in a million years." Alexis kept Fighting the Good Fight For Pregnant Women (despite a barely-there pregnancy pad). "You are impossible!" Ric spat. He was going to countersue! "You're going to sue me on the grounds that you're not getting any?" Alexis boggled. You betcha! Ric demanded his conjugal rights, hoping to get Alexis to back down. Nope! She'd see him in court!

On the Greyskull terrace, Reese waffled over her decision to move in. At the Crystal Castle, Michael revealed that the letter at Sonny's hadn't been sent for Carly by mistake. It had a different name on it. "I think it was Charlotte." Ooo! Carly perked up when Michael said the letter and Reese's purse were still at Sonny's. Sonny swayed Reese with phrases like "I'm asking you to move in because I want you to, not because I need you to." Was she willing to risk being happy? Yes! She embraced him but ran off to vent to Ric on the docks (see above). Carly hollered through the Corinthos casa and, finding it empty-ish, went for Reese's purse (Reese is all over town without her driver's license?). She found the letter with a handwritten note addressed to a "Charlotte" who was staying below the radar. Hmm. Sonny caught her and wondered if she was there to rant about him shacking up with Reese. Nope! "Are you on drugs?" No! Carly was all sunshine and roses. "Good luck," she said. And the paper he'd seen her stuff in her purse? Hers. The exes had a nice talk about Carly showing those "creeps" from high school what she'd made of herself. "You don't think it's cheap and tawdry to shove it in their faces?" "For you? No," Sonny said, noting her liking for revenge. Carly assured him she'd get her revenge in due time. Back home, she bounced ideas off Morgan, who was more interested in his toy. "Charlotte..." Carly mused. The only Charlotte she knew was her dead best friend. A dour Reese came back to Greyskull sans luggage in case Sonny wanted to take his offer back. As Carly flashed back and flipped through her old yearbook, lightning struck (not literally). "Oh my God..." And across town, Reese 'fessed up. "It was Carly from Day One." Sonny was understandably confused. "I knew Carly," she told him. "My name is Charlotte Roberts and I used to be Carly's best friend."

Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Nikolas and Courtney continued their sizzling smooch on the docks as Jax showed up at GH to wait for the results of Liz's appointment with Dr. Meadows. Before the Prince and the ex-Showgirl's clinch could get too heated, a regretful Courtney pulled away. She and Nikolas swore not to tell a soul so they wouldn't hurt their spouses. Later, outside Kelly's, loose-lipped Nikolas raved about Courtney to Lucky — who realized his brother had done gone and lost his mind! He gave Big Bro' a reality check: break it off with Courtney and go home to Emily. In the hospital lounge, Liz showed a beaming Jax some ultrasound photos. A troubled Lucky didn't quite beam at Liz's glowing report of the baby's health. As Jax apologized for micromanaging him and Liz, Lucky confided he was more worried about what Jax's "hovering" was doing to Courtney. Jax told him to...you guessed it...mind his own beeswax! His relationship with Courtney "couldn't be on more solid ground." Does a pier count as solid ground? Nik and Courtney met up there again, deciding to end things — so Courtney asked for a kiss good-bye and Nik obliged. "'Kay bye." Mwah! "'Kay bye." Mwah! After a few tries, the giggling duo tore themselves apart and left...as Elizabeth stood at the end of the pier, shocked!

At La Casa Alcazar, Lorenzo told Carly he wasn't ready to give up on their marriage while Reese and Sonny bonded over at Chez Corinthos. Lorenzo was worried about their fight — which was business as usual for Carly. But "I don't want what you had with Sonny," Lorenzo reasoned. They needed to break the vicious circle with honesty. "This is where I want to be," Carly assured. Meanwhile, on the Greystone terrace, Sonny had a vital question to ask Reese, but tabled it so she could go meet with Ric about Alexis filing a lawsuit against them. Inside, Morgan had dumped out Reese's purse and Michael found a document from a high school. Sonny ignored the purse and paper as he told Michael he was going to ask Reese to shack up. "I guess we could give it a try," sighed Mikey. At Kelly's, Reese mooned over Sonny instead of talking lawsuit. Ric told her she'd lose Sonny if she blabbed about being Charlotte or their sexcapades. "My biggest sin is one of omission," clueless Reese defended. Ric told her she was making a big boo-boo and Carly wandered in for some minor sniping (no hair-pulling. Darn!). On the docks, Sonny decided to hit Ric up for the 411 on Reese. "Do you know anything about Reese that I should know?" ("Uh, she likes it when you lick her earlobe?") Ric rambled about Reese's wonderful qualities. "I get that you're a fan...can you tell me something not quite so positive?" Ric advised Sonny to lower his "lofty standards" and see Reese as a real woman. Carly brought the kids home and as Lorenzo whisked Morgan upstairs, Michael told his mother, "Dad's asking Reese to move in." On his terrace, Sonny set up a romantic evening and made Reese the offer she couldn't refuse. Over at the Alcazars, Michael found a familiar letter on Carly's coffee table. "I didn't know you and Reese went to the same high school..."

On the Love Boat, Shady Black Glove snagged Sam's necklace and she noticed it was gone. She and Jason searched for it as SBG lurked in the shadows. When they returned from the deck, the necklace was back! Unconcerned Jason popped some pills and mixed them with champagne (shame on him!) while Sam mused about how bizarre the vanishing act was. The sea patrol boarding the yacht interrupted their flirty cuddling. Mysterious Accented Dudes in Berets informed them that they were trespassing and the star chain was stolen — and arrested them! The Black Berets hustled them into a wine cellar and chained up Jason, who realized their badges were plastic. They were fakes! Sam was brought upstairs into a ginormous mansion (Lorenzo would have palace envy). An elegant woman walked into the room, murmuring, "Good evening." She paled as she stared at Sam, gasping, "It's you!"

Tuesday, August 9, 2005
It was a shiny new day in the PCPD interrogation room as Ric and Durant argued over a blank-eyed Jason plugging a hole in Dr. Thomas. Ric's "self-defense" bit apparently worked because Jason soon popped up outside Kelly's while Ric found himself facing a coy Reese. Was the Jason favor a way of "overcompensating for sleeping with his brother's girlfriend?" Luckily, Alexis didn't hear that. She suggested breakfast at the Metro Court — no boys allowed. After some double entendre that sounded like Alexis wanted Reese to join her and Ric doing something kinky, she revealed to both Ric and Reese that she wanted to join them — doing something legal. Ric didn't like the idea of her joining their law firm and Alexis accused him of discriminating against her because she was pregnant. Ooo. Enjoy the doghouse, Ric...

Elizabeth bolted upright in a big comfy bed, realizing that she'd left baby Cam at the Jacks homestead while getting Lucky. Oops. Courtney showed up at GH looking for Ms. Got Lucky just as Nikolas showed up looking for Emily — who was not-so subtly avoiding him. Strangely calm after being held at knifepoint, Monica confided that Em was piling on the extra work. Meanwhile, back at Surrogacy Central, Jax was calling God and Everybody to find Liz and her uterus. Liz and her fallopians showed up with Lucky in tow and Jax got huffy and possessive, almost dad-like (Jeff Webber, where are you?). Lucky told Jax to mind his own beeswax. Courtney offered up the same advice a bit later, blasting Jax for being a control freak and causing more stress than Lucky. "Well, you can handle it Courtney, because you're not the one that's pregnant," snapped Jax (Ouch! The recapper won't complain if she makes out with Nik again). However, Courtney's words sank in because Jax apologized to Liz and her ovaries for being a Giant Busybody. Nikolas and Emily continued to talk in circles and Nik left looking hopeless. At the PCPD, after quick jabs about Liz's rented womb and Durant's fake paralysis, the DA offered Lucky an unscheduled promotion and raise. "I'll take my promotion when I've earned it," assured Lucky. A talk with Elizabeth about her letting go of Jason (why not Ric, whom she married twice?) bolstered Em's hopes. "I'm not ready to let my marriage go," she realized. But Nikolas, on the Elm Street Pier with Courtney, pronounced, "It's over. We're done." As he talked about Em pulling farther away, he and Courtney inched closer together. After one last mention of walking away, they began kissing passionately (see, no complaints here).

Newly-sprung (but looking groggy and peaked) Jason arrived at Kelly's with Sam to learn that Sonny left Mike in charge of a surprise for them (what DO you give someone who just killed a man?). As Mike presented a baffled Jason with a silly hat and a singing Billy Bass, Michael said a final good-bye to Jodie and the two imaginary pals shared an imaginary hug. Aww! The zany clues led Jason and Sam back to the Love Boat. They had two weeks to themselves with no phones, no contact, and totally obvious looming peril! Mike whisked Michael away on a trip to see the Yankees play. Jason promised, "I'm not going to come back until we've found the perfect spot for a wedding." He and Sam cuddled in the rose petal strewn cabin, where Sam removed her star necklace because the clasp was broken. Back on deck, they shared a lovely meal and the wind shifted. Was that a bad omen? Nahhh. Just ask the Shady Black Glove that was in the cabin picking up Sam's star necklace...

Monday, August 8, 2005
Jesse was none-too-happy to burst in on Maxie and Dillon tangled up together on the Haunted Star. He moralized and Maxie defended her choices. Lather, rinse, repeat. Wackiness ensued when Dillon interrupted Maxie saying she wanted a guy who would kiss her without being afraid of her dad's reaction...by kissing her. Jesse stormed out, disgusted, and Maxie criticized Dillon's overzealous method acting. Huffy Detective Frodo proceeded to head over to Kelly's and interrupt Georgie's defense of Maxie's "impulsive" nature by spilling all: "I'm surprised Maxie has any face left, the way Dillon was sucking on it." Georgie flew into a brief jealous rage, but then she solved any further Dixie (get it? Dillon+Maxie='Dixie') hijinks by climbing between them on the itty-bitty twin bed. THREE'S A CROWD met THE WALTONS. G'night, John Boy!

Outside Kelly's, Skye guessed that Lorenzo had a plan for her — one that did not involve handcuffs or chocolate sauce. "You wanna aim me at Carly like some lethal weapon," she surmised. "I want you to help me keep her," he corrected. But Skye refused to let Lorenzo follow her pattern and wouldn't help him make Carly jealous. "Treat yourself and Carly better than that," she advised. They talked about Lorenzo's co-dependant issues with his brother (complete with a Brenda mention) and how much he loved Carly. Unfortunately, Bittersweet and Lo remained convinced that Carly had married him to get back at Sonny (there goes Skye's gig as a couples' counselor). Over at GH, Sonny told Carly to butt out of Jason's escapade (see below) and go home but didn't offer the same advice to his duplicitous bedmate Reese. When Carly arrived home and apologized for her preoccupation with the Latest Sonny Crisis, her hubby was as cold as ice (just like the song!) and presented her with her bags — packed and ready to go (just like THAT song). Carly fought back, reminding Lorenzo, "I love you, damn it." Even as he resisted her passionate declarations, the two ended up in a teary, angry, clinch.

Over at GH, there was gunplay aplenty as Dr. Thomas dragged Sam up to the roof and Jason and Sonny rather hilariously tried to kick down the metal access door. Dr. T. knocked Sam out with an overdose of digitalis (a.k.a. foxglove) and fled via chopper. Jason got Sam down to a room in no time flat and a lab-coated Emily had to flip through her notes to find the counteractive drug. Jason pleaded, "Just fight it Sam," and two seconds after the miracle shot, Sam was awake! Tony confirmed that Em's split-second, sans-medical-license decision had helped her. After some tender "I love you,"s (between Jason and Sam, not Emily and Tony) Jason headed over to the Q mansion...where Dr. T. had landed his chopper and nabbed Alan. Though Monica had managed to call Jason, the doc snuck out to the terrace and grabbed her, too. Sonny took a moment to say he hadn't known Sam or her heart (just the rest of her body and her "facade") but she was good for Jason. As they waited things out, Jason confronted Dr. Thomas in the Avenue Q den. The smooth-talking shrink held Monica at knifepoint and tried to convince Jason that Alan, not AJ, had tried to have him killed. The camera panned from Alan to Dr. T. Jason fired his gun. Monica fell to the floor. Gasp! But then so did Dr. Thomas — with a bloody little bullet hole in his shirt. A shaken but relieved Monica and Alan wondered if Jason hated the doc for all the chaos he'd caused. The completely tactless hitman intoned, "I hate him, but what Dr. Thomas did was the best thing that ever happened to me."