Friday, May 5, 2006
Luke and Robert awoke snuggly and smiley in the Maarkam Islands. Holly wasn't so smiley — she waved a Wanted poster at them. At GH, Dr. Meadows, alive and well, told Jax she's retiring. Carly overheard her mentioning the paternity test. "Tequila Woman" Emily accepted a fizzy hangover cure from Sonny. Also suffering were Liz and Kelly, but Kelly managed to tactfully tell Jason that Sam's "not getting any better." Holly and Luke were so desperate for coffee, they were tempted to turn in suspected terrorist Robert. Robert pointed out they could turn in Luke instead. Jax lied to Dr. Meadows about little John's paternity and then turned to Carly, who was there to tell Bobbie about big John's death. Dr. Meadows' last official act: running a third paternity test. Carly told Jax she had about 10 really great memories of her father and was sad that he'd been a stranger to her sons. Lurking Ric offered to take the boys to see Sonny. A mortified Em spat her fizzy drink all over Sonny when he ribbed her about wanting to "bang" him.

Alexis came looking for Durant and Mayor Floyd told he'd been murdered. Floyd offered her the job of interim DA as she was processing the news (What a mensch!). Back at GH, Kelly said she'd run more tests, but Jason knew things were grim. Carly refused to let Ric take her boys anywhere, Jax reiterated his threat to crush Ric and Sonny and they shooed the mob mouthpiece away. Hating Ric was simple. Grieving for Durant...? Not so much. As Sonny recapped the Drunk Em Highlights, Emily remembered Kelly saying that Sam's dying. Floyd didn't really want someone who was Sonny's baby's mama, a murderer, and "soft" as DA. Alexis snatched up the job and dismissed him. On the island, the Three Amigos headed towards Holly's dead husband's villa. "We had the best conversation that we've ever had," Carly told Bobbie about Durant. "We wasted so much time...and now he's gone." She cried in Bobbie's arms. Jason slipped Sam's engagement ring back on, wishing he'd given her more to smile about. "Thank you, Jason, for loving me," she whispered. Sonny and Emily commiserated over Sam's dire condition and Ric overheard Sonny saying that Jason will always be like his brother. Chopped Liver...er, Ric, was annoyed that Sonny didn't love him best and ever-so-helpfully told Sonny Carly's planning on keeping the boys away permanently. Watching Michael hold little John (named after two dead granddaddies now) made Carly feel a little better. Viola brought a neglected-feeling Kristina and happy Molly to see Alexis and she promised she'd always make time for her girls.

Sam and Jason said wistful, tender things and then Monica pulled Jason into the hall to tell him that Sam would get weaker and just "go to sleep." Jason asked her to stay with Sam, "talk to her, and don't let her go," then tearfully begged Sam to hold on for him. Holly, Luke and Robert got cozy in the closed-down villa and Luke contacted his pilot. Carly dropped by Greystone to see Sonny. "I will not be kept away from my children," he said. "My father's dead," she non sequitur-ed softly. Jason burst into the DA's office, ignoring a snide Ric. He needed to speak to Alexis ASAP. Luke's pilot was in the middle of a poker game but he'd rescue the gang soon. (Riiight.) Jax enjoyed time with John and his future stepsons as new paternity results printed out in a GH lab. Sonny blamed Jason for not protecting Carly from the shooters. Like Jason could have if Sonny's hit had gone through? D'oh! Change of subject: Sonny said he'd fight Carly in court over the kids if he had to. Carly wearily talked about her failed relationship with Durant. "You and I are finished but I will not keep your children out of your life," she promised. At GH, Monica kept a "really tired" Sam company. Alexis excused Ric (Chopped Liver again!) and Jason cut to the chase: Sam is dying and only wants one thing. "Why are you here?" confused Alexis asked. "Sam...she's your daughter."

Thursday, May 4, 2006
At Jake's, Liz, Kelly, Robin and Emily toasted to forgetfulness with their new friend Jose Cuervo as Coleman lurked in the background. Not having as much fun was Carly, who ran to her fallen father and they inched towards a wall. Outside, Manny was determined to keep them trapped. At Greystone, Ric wondered if Sonny would take back his territory with Jason distracted. At GH, Jason suggested Sam tell Alexis about their designer genes. "Am I dying?" Sam wondered, because that would be the only way she'd want Alexis to know. Carly tied a tourniquet on John as he talked about Carly's grandfather in WWII again. Now they were ducking enemy fire, but he didn't regret moving here. Noah interrupted Patrick's halting explanation, told Mrs. Dixon's son that she hadn't suffered. "You lied to the kid," Patrick accused, and Noah apologized for not being there to lie to Patrick, too. The ladies downed another round of tequila and were joined by a drained Lainey. Lainey was a little clueless on how to do shots so Elizabeth broke it down: "Lick it, slam it, and suck it." (Liz! Do you kiss your Gram with that mouth?)

Back at Sniper Central, more gunshots interrupted Carly and John's bonding and John began to bleed through his tourniquet. The Evil Miss Sneed came to Sam's room to discuss "DNR" (Do Not Resuscitate) orders with Jason. Ric kept playing Iago to Sonny's Othello, encouraging a takeover. If this worked, Ric will have proven himself. Noah admitted, "I ran away. That's what makes you a superior surgeon and a better man." It was cold comfort to a teary Patrick. At La Casa de Cuervo, Robin admired Coleman's vintage shirt and Liz praised the "gremlins" like herself who made things easier for doctors. Easy? Kelly scoffed. She had a patient slowly bleeding to death! "Sam McCall?" Ouch. More tequila solved the buzzkill. The subject turned to the benefits of being a tramp like Carly. Emily extolled the virtues of Carly's no name "banging" of Jason (Her brother! Ew!) and the gals and Coleman gave props to casual sex. Elsewhere, Monica confirmed Kelly's news to Jason: Sam wasn't looking so good. Then, Stan dropped by to tell Jason that Ric was monkeying around with Da Bizness. Sonny patted Ric on the back for his wheeling and dealing. Back at The House That Manny Built, Carly leapt up, bravely (okay, stupidly) screaming for the gunman to come get her...and Jax burst through the door!

Since "mindless, no-strings sex" is synonymous with Patrick Drake, Beyonce's "Naughty Girl" cued up a series of hot (CORNY!) fantasies. Robin pounced Patrick on a table, Kelly gave him "CPR" on the floor, and Liz utilized the pinball machine. "What's this couch doing here?" Lainey wondered. "I don't know, it's your fantasy," shrugged Fantasy Patrick. Emily snagged him next. Was he tired? Nope! Did GH wardrobe end up with five ripped shirts? Yep! Coleman wondered if their fantasy guy had a name. Naturally, Patrick walked in! The gals lined up a shot for him, helpfully salting his wrist, and toasted to sex. Lainey praised "gentleman" Coleman, who called the inebriated ladies a cab — all except Robin. "What happens at Jake's stays at Jake's," she reminded Patrick. Drunken Emily showed up at Sonny's, announcing, "From now on, we can only have sex." Well. Sonny would just have to deal, wouldn't he? (Digest and Weekly, however, couldn't deal with Em saying "bang" again.) Fortunately, she passed out and Max and Milo carried her away. It looked as if Super Jax's rescue was too late for Durant. Oh, no. Elsewhere, earnestly drunk Robin offered Patrick a one time deal for sex on any of Jake's flat surfaces. "I think you should go home," he murmured, gently. "Your loss, Pal," Robin huffed with a goodbye kiss. Maniacal Manny bolted as Carly called out "John!" and then finally, "Dad!" "I love you, Carly, you can hold me to that," Durant whispered. The cops came but it was too late. Durant slumped as Carly shook him. As Sam thought about Alexis, gun totin' Jason confronted Ric and Sonny at Greystone. If Ric butted into his business again, he'd blow his head off. In the foyer, Sam's mom (and Ric's wife) overheard.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006
Luke, Holly and Robert cooled their heels in the Maarkam Islands jail. At GH, Jax told Carly John is coming home tomorrow and a "realtor" (a hitman for Manny) called Carly about the house she wanted for Jax. Robin and Noah cautioned Patrick about operating on a Mrs. Dixon, whose illness mirrored his mother's. Out of surgery, Sam dreamed about Alexis again, telling a stricken Jason, "She said she wanted me." Alexis questioned Nikolas about Sam's shooting and he told her Ric hadn't looked surprised. Patrick revealed he didn't blame Noah for Mom's death; he blamed Noah for "the way you threw away your life." "So, what? You want to follow in my footsteps?" No, Patrick wanted to try. Robert and Luke reminisced about the Prometheus disk days as Holly announced, "There's only one way out of here! Bogota!" Carly's phone battery died as the "realtor" finished his pitch. Jax reluctantly agreed to Carly nabbing the house. "I'm the one who gets to kill her," Manny reminded his fake realtor giddily. Luke and Robert didn't quite like Bogota. Where would they get 10 feet of rope and 3 peasant costumes? In a much simpler ploy, Holly screamed, drawing the guard in. Liz and Emily changed into scrubs, mentioning Lucky before Liz confided it was her first time assisting in the OR; she was considering being a surgical nurse. Robin and Patrick met Mrs. Dixon's son before her surgery (yep, this means she's toast). Alexis admitted that Nik's theories about Jason, Sonny and Ric were probably true.

"Don't worry, I'm tough," Sam told a worried Jason. Carly entered the house as the sniper sighted her through his rifle. Shots rang out, trapping her inside. Holly finally explained away her newfound love of guns and then she and her exes fled. Robin and Epiphany warned Liz and Emily about Patrick's brutal 'tude in the OR and Patrick sauntered in, enjoying the room "full of ladies." A groggy Sam interrupted Alexis questioning Jason about the shooting. Manny's hitman kept Carly pinned down. Luke, Robert, and Holly trekked through the jungle and bantered. The gents kept fighting over Holly. "Spanky Buns is used to infidelity," Luke assured, revealing his provisions: scotch and a sleeping bag. "Sam wasn't the target, Alexis. I was," Jason hissed, admitting he'd put Sam in the line of fire. Alexis had worried this would happen. Meanwhile, on Drake's Anatomy, Patrick looked for the embolism but Mrs. Dixon's EEG flattened. Medical terminology flew fast and furious but it was too late. "Time of death: 4:57." Durant came looking for Carly and the shooter trapped him. The sniper was playing games with them! (Hmm, who does that sound like?)

"Outback, plane crash, ring a bell?" Robert scoffed when Holly brought up his 15 years of faked death. Luke and Robert ended up in Luke's sleeping bag. Holly had no intention of sleeping between them. Durant assessed the situation and used a coat-on-a-stick trick to determine where the two shooters were. Patrick walked out of the OR, telling Robin he'd inform Mrs. Dixon's son. Kelly chastised Alexis for questioning a critical Sam and then told Jason that Sam's test results weren't so great. Holly ended up in the suddenly ginormous sleeping bag with the guys anyway — thanks to a "pathetic wolf call." In the locker room, it was Miller Time for Emily and Liz while Kelly craved tequila and Robin wanted some shots (can she do shots on HIV meds?). Patrick remembered being told about his mother's death as he approached Mrs. Dixon's son. He echoed that doctor's words as Noah looked on. Sam awoke again, asking about her test results. Sam's blood wasn't clotting properly and Jason was scared. Sam admitted she'd almost told Alexis she's her daughter. "You're cool in a crisis," Durant observed, saying his father had been a pilot during World War II and Carly would've made a "hell of a good one." They'd wait the hitmen out. "Jax knows I'm here," Carly assured her dad before he went to grab a makeshift weapon in case the shooters came in. As Durant snatched a pipe, shots rang out again and he fell, wounded!

Tuesday, May 2, 2006
In the Maarkam Islands, knocking at the door interrupted Robert debating shooting Holly vs. shooting Luke. Back home, Patrick bogarted Robin's charts and nixed her going back to work. Emily threatened to call the guards to stop Carly from taking her own kids home (!). Sonny assured Jason that he didn't cause Sam's shooting. Jason was understandably snide as he asked, "Do I have your word on that?" Cops burst in, arresting Robert for terrorism as Holly wept theatrically and Luke suggested "a round of foot-flogging." But then Holly threw a drink in Luke's face! Patrick didn't want an overemotional Robin exerting herself. "Put yourself in my arms for an hour," he urged. "How dumb and deluded are you, Emily?" Carly wondered, saying that she'd lost everything for Sonny when he tried to kill Jason — which Michael overheard! Sonny confessed, "No matter how angry I am, I could not live with myself if you died at my hands." And if Jason didn't believe him, "I'm fully prepared to die at yours." Jason replied that he could never be Sonny's enemy but he couldn't back down either. ("I wish I knew how to quit you!") "You win," Sonny murmured as Sam was wheeled back in. "What'd I win?" Jason boggled. Sonny walked out instead of answering, "An all expenses paid trip to Tahiti."

Emily maternally assured Michael his daddy is a great guy. Furious real mommy Carly herded her sleepy, confused boys out. Patrick guided Robin into his apartment to show her something. Holly was appalled that Luke actually let Robert be arrested and they hatched a plot to rescue their old chum. Patrick and Robin played with his remote control race cars (No, seriously!). Sonny updated Emily on Jason and she told him about Carly snagging the kids. "I love you, Sonny and I'm hoping that you're going to give me a reason to stay," Emily sighed. Dr. Lee told Jason that Sam had survived with her uterus intact but she'd lost a lot of blood. Then, Sam fantasized about telling Alexis the truth and Jason heard her murmuring, "Alexis, you're my mother." Patrick and Robin gorged on corndogs courtesy of the Metro Court's new Carly-inspired room service menu as Patrick described his love of professional racing. Robin admired his openness, noting it was the longest he'd ever gone without hitting on her. "Time's up," Patrick grinned, kissing her. Luke and Holly showed up at a cranky Robert's cell dressed as a priest and a nun. After he swore he wouldn't do it again, Emily forgave Sonny for trying to kill her beloved big bro. "I love you anyway!" she said (warming the hearts of Mob wives everywhere). Meanwhile, Jason filled in a groggy Sam on the shooting and she worried that she could no longer have kids.

Robert criticized Luke's lockpicking skills and their bickering called the guard's attention. Fortunately, Holly smooching Robert distracted said guard. "Sister, really!" huffed Luke. Mid-smooch, Patrick told Robin he was prepared to deal with the HIV. Robin confided she was starting to trust the guy beneath the "Dr. Hottie" routine: "I'm in for the long haul if you are." Sonny gave Emily the "leave while you still can" speech he gives when women balk at the violence in his life. Much like the other women, Emily praised his generosity. He told his inspirational young muse, "I'm just trying to figure out a way to make it right." Sam's monitors went wild. Robert, Holly and Luke realized why the priest-nun plan had failed years ago when the other guards arrived at the cell. Oops! Freaked out by the commitment thing, Patrick told Robin she was asking for more than he could give and he didn't want to be her pet redemption project. Wounded Robin kicked over his toy track on her way out the door. Sonny wanted Emily to choose what was right for herself. "You're what's right for me," she trilled, predictably. "Don't you ever leave me," he growled, pulling her close and grinning victoriously. Meanwhile, back at GH, Jason instructed Dr. Lee to save a hemorrhaging Sam at any cost.

Monday, May 1, 2006
Jason carried a wounded Sam in from the terrace. Patrick went into SuperDoc mode as Jason met Carly's knowing gaze. At Greystone, Sonny couldn't reach his shooter and threw his phone across the room. Robert cackled at Luke, duct-taped and half-naked on a hotel bed. Holly had suckered his old pal! A paranoid Edward warned Skye that Lorenzo was setting her up to be a target. Sonny sent Milo to tell the penthouse guards about the hit and left another irate message (Where IS this hitman? Getting a pedicure?). The docs and EMTs rushed Sam out with Jason, who directed Emily to tell Sonny he's toast. Robert helped himself to some booze and crowed at Luke's predicament. Durant questioned Alcazar about the shooting, who noted he was "full of...information." Furious Carly yelled at Ric for being Sonny's stooge. "You're going to pay for what you did," she said, and Jax broke up the kerfuffle. Emily rushed over to tell Sonny what had happened. "You were behind the shooting!" she gasped when he boggled, "They missed!" Robert filled Luke in on the "Sparky Buns" shenanigans back in PC and taped him back up so he could collect his "50 large." Ric tried to cover for Sonny. "Any man who would try to kill Jason doesn't deserve to be the father of my children!" Carly declared, not havin' it. Durant told the bristling Carly, "Thank God, it wasn't you," and asked her, "Who do you think would want to kill Jason?"

Sonny was baffled the shooting happened at the Metro Court. His errant hitman finally called back saying he hadn't pulled the trigger (Bet he was out getting that mani-pedi!). Speaking of Manny-cures, guess who really shot Sam? Scrubs-clad Patrick gave Jason the rundown about his "girlfriend." Jason corrected him, "fiancée," and exchanged "I love you"s with a weak Sam. A "professional" girl freed a pants-less Luke. He recovered his pants, turned down her offer of a 3 or 4 minute "party" and fled. Georgie and Dillon filled in the Qs about Sam getting shot. Carly instinctively covered for Sonny, with Jax and Max's help, and then wondered what she'd done. Sonny told Emily about how he'd backtracked on the hit. Emily told him it didn't excuse him because Jason would "never, ever" try to kill him. She couldn't stay with a man who would try to murder her brother (but mobsters in general are fine). NuKelly Lee explained to Jason that she might have to perform a hysterectomy to save Sam's life and Liz brought consent forms for Jason to sign. "It was supposed to be me," he told Elizabeth, anguished. Days late and dollars short, Emily lashed out at Sonny...who then retained her babysitting services so he could go explain himself to Jason. Carly told Jax she'd covered for Sonny because she wanted him to owe her. She would collect her boys and they were never going back to Sonny's house again. Patrick found an overloaded Robin on the roof, who conceded he'd been right about her: "I am a coward."

Holly was chilling out with spa treatments when Luke tracked her down. Gun totin' Robert joined them from the balcony. Vintage snarkiness ensued and Robert wasn't quite sure who to shoot. Robin remembered Filomena's death and Duke's faux warehouse death, and said she hated violence. She tearfully wondered what was wrong with feeling "safe and unafraid" and Patrick held her close, comforting her. The Quartermaines bonded together even as Lorenzo came to find Skye, hoping she didn't believe he'd ordered the hit. Smirky Durant wondered if Ric had hired the hitman for Sonny's birthday. Jax warned Ric that if Ric and Sonny hurt Carly: "I'll squash you like cockroaches." Clearly needing squashing himself, Manny whispered, "You're dead," at Carly's picture. Carly came to retrieve the boys and Emily jumped to Sonny's defense. "I am all out of compassion for Sonny," said Carly. "That's your job now." Liz updated Jason on Sam's surgery and gave him Sam's jewelry. He fingered the star necklace as Sonny approached. "You shouldn't be here," a steely Jason growled. "Go home and say goodbye to your family."

2005 recaps