Friday, September 8, 2006
At the lab, John and Natalie learned that Spencer's mystery stash held a horrible malaria-esque virus that could cause sterility. Oh, no! Natalie remembered Kevin getting some "weird warm weather virus." Could Spencer have given it to him? John and Natalie puzzled over Spencer's myriad machinations against the Buchanans. Hmm. Later, Hugh was having a nice chat with his dad on the phone as John dropped by to talk strategy for Spencer's arraignment. They concocted a Super Secret Plan and then John went to go wrangle Todd and Spencer.

In Arizona, Kelly was determined to head for California. Kevin could learn to live with the Duke stuff, but "I can't learn to live without you!" Michael and Marcie fed Tommy and generally beamed about having their new son home. Kevin made a passionate pitch to Kelly and then the phone rang: It was Natalie. Back in Llanview, Daddy McBain assured Mommy McBain that Tommy had no memory of his tumultuous life so far. "He's exactly where he needs to be: with us." Kevin reeled after hearing about Spencer's virus and promptly told Kelly...which totally changed her mind about going to Llanview. At the end of the episode, Marcie and Michael got some quiet parental lovin' on and Kelly and Kevin headed home to confront Spencer. "I'm going to make him pay," Kelly promised.

It was still snarking, er, visiting hours for jailed Spencer. Hugh promised him, "I'm going to put you away for the rest of your life," and Spence dubbed him an "ineffectual gnat." Then, it was Todd's turn. Snark about Blair and her bedroom behavior ensued (yeah, they're both winners, aren't they?). This crass locker room talk went on until Todd snapped and grabbed a guard's gun. "Keep talking," Todd taunted. "You can't shoot me!" Spencer cried. "You'll never find out what happened to your son." Todd demanded his kid's whereabouts, still threatening death. But John stopped him by drawing his own gun. (Boys will be boys, apparently.) Spencer barked that he wanted Todd arrested and John and the guard invoked a little "see no evil, hear no evil."

Rex was rushed into the hospital as a tearful Adriana looked on. But her agony turned to rage as Dorian arrived. "He told me everything, Mom," Adriana said of Bruce. "You set Rex up." The doctor interrupted their argument with a Rex update. Adriana went to go be a hand-holder (still feeling mighty vengeful) while Bo assured Dorian he'd discover who was behind this and she quickly pointed the finger at Bruce. Bo was wise to the truth, but went to visit Rex while Adriana finished hashing things out with her mom. Paige was visibly affected and watched Bo tell Rex, "I'm still proud of you, kid," and "I couldn't have asked for more from my own son." She thanked them for opening her eyes and took off. Outside, Adriana pleaded, "Tell me the truth." Dorian 'fessed up to the whole gig, saying, "It's just that things got out of control." Adriana, understandably, flipped. And when Bo emerged, she asked him to arrest "that woman."

At the end of the episode, John shooed Todd away and leveled his own threats at Spencer about his father's murder. "Maybe you'd understand, if you had a son yourself," John growled. Paige dropped by to see Hugh and she interrupted his rambling with a big ol' bombshell about Spencer: "He's your father." And "I know this because I'm your mother." At the hospital, Adriana's mother was jail-bound as Bo placed Dorian under arrest.

Thursday, September 7, 2006
John, Bo and the boys in blue got to work poking around Spencer's office and found a mysterious lockbox. Meanwhile, Natalie found Clint pining for Dorian at Capricorn. Paige popped over to watch Bo and John rifling through Spencer's things and cheered their efforts, telling Bo how to find a key to Spencer's box. Paige and Bo decided to meet up at Capricorn later (of course). Clint talked to Natalie about Dorian's unpredictability and how much he liked it. "Whatever floats your boat," Natalie said. She urged him to spill — and he did, about failing his kids. John and Bo used an administrative key to unlock Spencer's secret. "Well, well, well," John drawled as they spied the mysterious contents then and gave the box to the CSU guys. At Capricorn, Natalie buoyed up Clint's doubts about his parenting skills. "You're not God, just a Buchanan," she chuckled, and, "you're a great dad." She reminisced about being...um, a bit bitchy...when she first hit Llanview and thanked Clint for not failing her. (Aw!) John soon showed up to hang with Natalie and he smiled (yes, he smiled!), finally close to finding peace. The lab called with a break and they jetted.

Spencer cooled his heels in jail and David dropped by to take "cheap shots" and a snazzy picture with his camera phone. "You look overweight and anemic at the same time," he sniped. Spencer wasn't havin' it, though. "I am an innocent man!" he postured. The one-liners flew fast and furiously as David and Spencer discussed their mother not being around and Spencer's vendetta against the Buchanans. "Drop it before they find out," David advised. "Let it go." Spencer refused to share the root of his anger and then Paige showed up to gloat. David and Paige tag-teamed Spencer. Snark ensued. Paige lorded her secret over Spencer. "Are you feeling angry, helpless, impotent?" she taunted. "You are on your own," Dave told Spencer before walking away. Later, at Capricorn, Paige celebrated sticking it to Spence. "Cut him off cold turkey," she prescribed an worried David. Speaking of turkey, Spencer talked to himself, assuring David he'd be just fine. Paige kept up her happy dance with Bo but he wondered if she'd ever really be free of Spencer since they shared a son.

Michael and Marcie, meanwhile, were told by Janice that they were about to lose Tommy. At the Arizona clinic, Kelly and Kevin awaited news about losing Kelly's baby. The doctor told them that the baby was doing well and they were discharging Kelly. Yay! But Kelly wasn't exactly ready to go home. Janice told Marcie and Michael that she's looking to permanently place Tommy with another family. Oh, no! Alone, Michael and Marcie reeled from the news. Kevin wondered why Kelly wasn't packing to come home. "I have to do what's best for my child!" she said, and she didn't want her baby to feel unwanted. Speaking of babies, Michael assured Marcie they would be able to keep Tommy if they told Janice they wanted to adopt the boy. Giddy Marcie hugged him and they told Janice their decision. They then happily cuddled Tommy. Not so cuddly were Kelly and Kevin. Kevin told Kelly he was working on his Duke issues but Kelly said she'd risked too much. "I have to go on without you."

Rex and Bruce rassled at the rest stop and the gun went off. Bruce ended up with no pulse and Rex ended up in Adriana's arms. Cue passionate necking (and Dorian glaring). "I'm fine," Rex mumbled as they cuddled. Adriana was getting her anti-Dorian tirade on when Rex gasped, "You're bleeding!" Silly rabbits, it's not Adriana bleeding...it's Rex. The less-than-savvy lad collapsed. A fading Rex did the deathbed whisper thing: "I love you." Adriana called frantically for her mom. Dr. Cramer instructed Adriana in CPR and, together, they got Rex started up again. "I never want to see you again," Adriana bitterly announced to Dorian once Rex was safe with the EMTs.

Wednesday, September 6, 2006
Evangeline chuckled over Blair implying she's Todd's new squeeze but Cristian wasn't laughing. "Todd has his sights set on you," he warned. Vange prickled, thinking Cris was trying to run her life and defended Todd to him. "He's my friend!" And she'd fallen in love with Cristian. Cristian reiterated his warning. "Maybe it's a guy thing," he reasoned, asking her to stay out of Blair and Todd's games. Vange was not pleased with his paranoia, leading to a discussion about their differences. "There's nobody but you," Evangeline assured in the face of Cristian's insecurities. Cris just wouldn't budge and Evangeline wouldn't either. "I'm committed to you," she told him and he agreed to try and stop being jealous.

At the hospital, Blair was on the verge of giving Starr great news when Todd got twitchy. Blair scowled. Her good news was Starr's release — not their relationship status. Undeterred, Starr wondered if they were finally getting remarried. Todd told her to cut the crap. "Her memory's fine. She's been scamming us this whole time," he announced. Todd applauded Starr for her mad Blair-like skillz, revealing Blair had faked loving Spencer. Shocked Starr explained herself, mentioning Todd's love for Blair while she was at it. "You don't know how I feel!" Todd told her before arguing with Blair in the hall. "Let's you and I cut our losses," Todd suggested. "We're great in bed, but then what happens?" Blair stalked off after this latest verbal assault and then Starr pleaded with Todd to make up with her mom...causing Todd and Blair to both think about The Way We Were.

Antonio and Jessica snuggled at Llanfair as Claudia tried to comfort a wallowing Nash at Capricorn. "Great show, no popcorn," Nash said of the integration. And he wouldn't even have Brennan if Antonio got his way. Antonio and Jess decided to leave Bree with her grandparents and head off for some alone time. "Kinda like the good old days," Jessica noted. Nash and Claudia's good ol' days weren't quite so good. He did shots as Claudia kept on 12 steppin'. Naturally, Antonio and Jess dropped by. Claudia congratulated them in her Claudia-like way — which prompted Antonio to threaten her with firing. Jess, meanwhile, checked in with drunk Nash. "I don't think I should be part of my daughter's life," he confessed. Jessica gave him a pep talk, assuring him he and Tess would always be Bree's parents. Then, Claudia did her singing thing, giving Nash The Eye as Antonio and Jessica left.

Rex and Dorian drove to the rescue, snarking all the way, as Adriana tried to calm down trigger-happy Bruce. She refused to be intimidated by Bruce... even when he got a little grabby and wanted "one beautiful memory." Rex refused to let Dorian lie about her involvement with Bruce. "Was it worth it?" he demanded. Meanwhile, Adriana worked at her restraints as she kept Bruce talking. When he was distracted by headlights, she whacked him in the head with a stick. That didn't quite stop him, but gun totin' Rex sure did! Scuffling and threatening ensued, with Adriana shoved to safety. "Are you deaf, Dorian?" Bruce taunted, calling to her. "Are you blind, Bruce?" Dorian wondered, revealing her own weapon. Rex then jumped Bruce and yet more scuffling ensued.

"Rex!" Adriana cried, frantically, as he lay still....

Tuesday, September 5, 2006
Blair demanded explanations from a cozy-looking Todd and Evangeline. Todd dished it right back, throwing Spencer in her face. Evangeline almost opted out of the domestic dispute until Todd asked her to stay and hear the Spencer set-up stuff out. Well, Blair had told Spencer everything. "I left the ring on the floor of the cell," she informed, adding that Todd was acting like a "bitter, cruel, self-destructive ass." Perfect, noted Todd, using the same adjectives for her but tacking on "bitch whore." After Blair stormed out, Evangeline asked the obvious question: "What in God's name is wrong with you?" Evangeline boggled at Todd playing games with Blair and called him a pig. Disgusted, Todd's formerly staunch ally walked out.

Cristian hit the bag at the gym as SOAP STAR Mikey (a.k.a. Ted) and Vincent conferred nefariously over Vincent betting against his own man. Cristian's bum right hand would be his downfall. "This championship is in the bag," Vince drawled at Cristian. Later, Cristian was sparring with Ted when Blair stopped by and told him that Todd was into Evangeline. (Talk about a TKO!) Cristian went "pfft" at Blair's accusations — until Blair said Vange was "all up in his arms." Luckily, Evangeline showed up and automatically figured out Blair's intent.

Dr. Jamison brought Jessica out of hypnosis even as Tess rallied, mocking, "Who says I'm going anywhere?" Nash leapt up but Jessica dashed his hopes. "I'm Jessica and I always will be," she announced, hugging Clint, Viki, Nat, and Antonio. "Is this the day Tess died?" Nash wondered. Jessica assured him he would always have Bree and told him about connecting with Tess. She lauded Nash for giving Tess a "home and love." (Antonio wasn't so happy to hear any of this.) "By saving her, you saved me," a thankful Jess told Nash. Brokenhearted Nash asked Jamison if Tess was really gone for good. Inside, Jessica was having the same concerns. Jamison offered Nash his card, but Nash turned it down and had angsty flashbacks to Nick Lachey's "Resolution." Viki assured Jessica that it was over and Antonio looked forward to their wonderful life together.

Meanwhile, gun-toting Rex shouted, "Freeze! Police!" as he burst into...an empty storage compartment. "You must have tipped him off!" Dorian accused him as they traded blame and Bruce and Adriana chilled out at a rest stop. Rex decided to look around for clues while Adriana moped about not trusting him and got Bruce talking about his financial woes. "You are my ticket out," Bruce told Adriana, posturing and mugging. Adriana swore to hate Dorian forever. Rex returned to La Blue Lei and updated Dorian. Cue more yelling and blaming — until Bruce called with the meet-up place: a rest stop near Llantano County's state park. Frantic Dorian was rarin' to go and Rex told her he was "riding shotgun." At the rest stop, Bruce loaded his not-shotgun. "I'll be ready," he promised Adriana ominously.

2005 recaps