Friday, August 11, 2006
Jared incorrectly assumed that Mrs. Crane was Theresa's "bitch for a boss" and the more he presumed and ragged on the "gold digger," the more Theresa stammered. Just as Theresa was going to drop the bomb on him, Valerie came in and blew it to smithereens. Theresa tried to get Val to leave, but the confused assistant ultimately introduced Jared to Mrs. Crane. "You played me for a fool," he stormed at Theresa as she struggled to explain that while she is a hardworking single mom, she never said money was tight. "I am a complete fool. But you, Mrs. Crane, are far worse than I ever, ever thought you could be," he shot and after some more venting and disgust, not even Theresa's infamous tears couldn't stop him from storming out. Valerie assumed he was a disrespectful jerk, but poor Theresa was so upset she cancelled an appointment. Theresa had to admit Whitney was right again. "I finally met somebody nice, and I sabotage myself over again," she said.

A nervous Fancy watched on as Sheridan and Luis chatted. Sheridan explained she was at the station to renew her driver's license. Luis complimented on her mothering skills, and then talk turned to Fancy's desire to be a cop. Luis started complaining, so Paloma and Fancy urged him to get down to business and start the class. When Sam warned that his recruits were waiting, Luis jokingly (and endearingly) deputized little Deputy Boothe to help him get rid of "Cagney and Lacey" (a.k.a. Fancy and Paloma). When Sheridan questioned Fancy about her new goal, Fancy sniffed, "Why does everyone think I'm some pampered princess who can't do anything hard or physical?" She then admitted she was there to be near Luis and asked Sheridan how she felt about that, considering "how you looked at Luis, how your eyes lit up and you smiled your best smile." Sheridan was pretty convincing when she confirmed her support of the pairing, so the insensitive Fancy asked her aunt to talk her up to Luis. She seemed pleased to do so after Luis returned, and got on it as soon as the girls went to get ready for training. "Wasn't Fancy everything you needed as a partner in Rome?" she reminded Luis. He worried she wouldn't stick with it, but as we all know, Fancy doesn't give up. When he called Fancy a "spoiled little rich girl," Sher noted that was unlikely. Noah fell for Fancy, just like Luis had fallen for Sheridan. She then even hoped to herself, "Give Fancy a chance, Luis, to be a cop and to be your love." Luis finally gave in, grumbling that he wouldn't give the girls special treatment. Then the he set out to teach his class. When he passed out holsters, he surprised Fancy by giving her one. She put the belt on and bragged, "You see, Luis, Paloma and I are natural-born cops." Then she saluted and her holster slipped off her tiny hips. "Show me what I'm doing wrong," she asked Luis. Score one — she got her target to put his arms around her. She was so unnerved by the closeness she almost didn't have it in her to try to do it herself. "Nice, really nice," he said with approval as he adjusted her work — and looked at her butt.

Chris was nervous when Spike returned to the Crane cottage, but he was beside himself when he learned why he was there. Spike was "planning a mother of a heist" at Casa Crane, with Chris' help. Apparently Sheridan was dumb enough to keep the security codes to the estate on her PDA. Chris refused, so Spike countered by asking, "I wonder what Sheridan will think when she finds out that you were working for her old man, that he hired you to help her love again and marry her — wow." Chris swore the con had turned into real love. "Think that will make a difference?" Spike asked. Chris started to get physical, but Spike pushed him off and recounted the story of when Alistair hired him to pretend to be James' father, who was actually dead, and woo Sheridan. Obviously, Chris didn't want the story told.

As the steam wafted around their naked bodies in the shower, Miguel denied Siren's advances. He said he liked kissing her, but was in love with Kay. "Why'd you lead me on?" she demanded, before pretending to understand. Of course, singing Siren was not deterred. Too bad for her, Miguel couldn't hear her siren's song over the shower and when he turned off the water, she had a coughing fit and couldn't sing, so her target escaped. Downstairs, Kay was begging Endora to zap Siren back to where she belongs, but the little darling would only agree to "play interference," as Kay put it. When Kay pushed Tabitha to make Endora change her mind, Tabby sighed, "Kay, you of all people should know that daughters don't always listen to their moms," and later concluded, "If you have a witchy daughter who has more powers than you, you choose your battles carefully." She and Endora excused themselves when Miguel came down from the shower. He told Kay, "being together was magical. Kay, we fit. It's like we're meant to be." She recalled the days when she felt that way, but wasn't too happy about the timing. When she vented to Tabitha, she blamed it on Charity, but then refocused and asked what to do. Tabby insisted she accept the fact that she loves Miguel. "This has all the makings of a country music hit," she mused. "A woman in love with two men. Too bad polygamy is illegal in Harmony. You can't have both of them. You have to choose one — Fox or Miguel." Kay was completely unable to decide. When she asked, "Why now?" Tabitha reminded her that it was because she didn't wait for Mercury to get out of retrograde before accepting Fox' proposal. Kay insisted she would honor her engagement. Miguel, meanwhile, told Siren he hoped Kay chooses him, but all she heard was that she had more time to bed him. Later, Kay walked by to hear Miguel telling their daughter, "You know, Daddy was selfish and stupid and wrong to be away from you guys for as long as I was. I know now that you two are the loves of my life, not Charity."

Thursday, August 10, 2006
Over breakfast, Theresa and Whitney gabbed about Jared. When Theresa disclosed how she knocked Jared over the head with a vase the night before, Whitney responded that it was indeed meant to be. "When you first met Ethan, you nearly killed him, too," she concluded. (Yeah, and we know how well that turned out.) Theresa claimed there was only one problem with her and Jared becoming a future supercouple: "He hates me." Whitney advised her friend to tell Jared the truth that she was "Mrs. Crane" before it was too late. Meanwhile, outside of Theresa's office, Jared arrived to interview to be "Mrs. Crane's" assistant. Valerie went in to tell Theresa that someone was there to interview and advised her boss to hire him since he was a stud. "I can't hire a guy based on his looks," Theresa cried. "This isn't like an NBC soap. I don't even care if the guy looks like Jesse Metcalfe." (Classic!) Valerie let Jared in Theresa's office and both Jared and Theresa were shocked to see each other. Jared kissed his Tess, completely unaware she was Mrs. Crane.

Kay explained to Tabitha that Siren would no longer be a problem — she duct taped her and threw her in the trash. She also confided that she and Fox didn't have sex, but they would. Tabitha reminded her of the mermaid's curse. Intent on getting rid of Siren for good, Kay and Tab searched for a book of spells, but were exasperated when they discovered Siren had taken it. Kay then begged Endora to get rid of the mermaid. Meanwhile, Siren escaped Kay's duct tape and set her sights on making love to Miguel. Unfortunately for the mermaid, Miguel had work to do. He was going to be spending all day fishing and couldn't come back home until he got an ample amount of fish. Sly little mermaid that she is, Siren cast a spell that ensured everything with fins would find Mr. Lopez-Fitzgerald, and they did. Miguel was quickly able to go home and was met in the shower with a very naked Siren.

Chris walked in on Caitlin, er, Sheridan, staring wistfully at a photo of her and Luis as she flashed back to giving Fancy permission to date her ex. She quickly hid the photo and was all smiles for Chris. However, she excused her way out of sex (gotta love that ol' "I have to renew my driver's license" excuse — works every time). Meanwhile, at the police station, Luis was lamenting to Sam that thanks to Fancy, the gun he had was now gone. "Fancy would never make it as a cop," moaned Luis. He must have ESP, because at that exact moment, Fancy was outside the station explaining to Paloma that she was going to apply to be an officer. When Luis discovered his little sister and Fancy wanted to be cops, he was 100 percent against it. Fancy and Luis started fighting over it, and Sam and Sheridan (who arrived at the police station with James) couldn't help but notice that it was how Luis and Sheridan used to fight. When Luis spotted Sheridan, Fancy couldn't help but wonder if her aunt was truly over the handsome cop.

Wednesday, August 9, 2006
Theresa observed someone outside her house. Theresa investigated with a vase. She opened the door and smashed her would-be intruder over the head with it. The "intruder" turned out to be Jared. Theresa apologized and took him inside to give him an ice pack for his head. Once inside Theresa and Jared danced to salsa music when it came on the radio. Paloma returned home and joined them in dancing. Paloma was impressed by Jared's dancing. Jared said he lived in a small town in Mexico for a while. Theresa and Jared resumed dancing, while Paloma marveled that she never thought Theresa would get over Ethan.

Fancy said she didn't mean to upset Sheridan when she asked her for permission to pursue Luis. Sheridan said her nerves are just frazzled from the gunshot. Fancy pressed Sheridan for an answer. Sheridan said she's been very clear with Luis that there's no chance they'll ever be together again, so she needs to be on board with the idea of him actually moving on. Sheridan said she's not upset that Fancy's interested in Luis, she was just surprised because she thought Fancy was serious with Noah. Fancy said she can't be serious with Noah because she can't trust him. Sheridan asked Fancy if Luis knows how she feels. Fancy said she doesn't think Luis has picked up on her hints. Sheridan gave Fancy her blessing to date Luis.

Spike restrained an injured Chris until Chris promised to do what Spike wants him to do. Chris submitted and promised to get the gun back that Spike used to shoot Chris with. Spike realized it might be easier (or better) if he got the gun back himself, given that the chief of police is his father-in-law. Sheridan walked in before Spike managed to leave. Sheridan redressed Chris' wound. Sheridan told Chris it was so refreshing to be loved just for who she is, and not to be involved with someone who was on her father's payroll.

At the Harmony police station, Paloma was enraged when Luis refused to allow Paloma to become a police officer. Paloma thought she'd be thrilled that she'd want to follow in his footsteps. Luis said it was out of the question. Sam said the two of them would have to work this out between the two of them. Paloma insisted that this is what she's been looking for. Luis refused to risk losing her. Sam demanded to speak to Luis in private, and reminded him of having a similar conversation with Luis years ago. Sam said he learned the hard way from Spike and Jessica that forbidding something can backfire. Luis and Paloma made peace, and Paloma promised Luis to think about alternate career choices. As Paloma was leaving she saw Fancy standing outside the police station about to throw a rock through the station window to get Luis' attention. Paloma told Fancy her suspicions that Fancy is interested in Luis and encouraged Fancy to pursue her brother. After learning from Paloma that Luis is supervising the department's new recruits, Fancy slipped into the police station to fill out an application. Spike snuck in behind her and stole his gun out of Luis' desk while Luis was working out in the gym with Sam. Sam mentioned he'll miss Luis once he leaves town. Sam said to Luis there must be some reason for Luis to stay, and remarked how him reconnecting with Ivy gave him renewed purpose in his life after Grace left him. After working out Luis returned to the squad room and ran into Fancy. Luis freaked out when he realized the gun was missing out of his desk drawer.

Tuesday, August 8, 2006
Paloma stopped by the police station with ice cream to share with big bro Luis. She was hoping to get his advice, but the conversation first turned to the gun that Luis found on the Crane grounds. Luis talked her through the recent events and she noted that his job was like putting puzzles together. He wanted her to be the first to go to college, but she didn't feel ready. "Go after whatever it is that interests you," he told her. She stared meaningfully at the gun and asked a lot of questions after Luis got an uninformative call on it from ballistics. Luis tried to push her into law, but then she spied a Harmony PD recruitment ad (which featured Sam and Luis) and her mind started turning. By the time Luis came back, she'd decided she wanted to be a cop. "Over my dead body," he swore. Fancy, meanwhile, had stopped by and heard Luis tell Paloma that he was going to carry on without Sheridan. "You could be happy with me," Fancy mumbled and then left to clear the idea with Sheridan. Fancy found Sheridan in her kitchen and, after (again) making sure Sheridan was determined to stay with Chris, she asked how her aunt would handle it if Luis found someone who could make him happy. "It would be hard to see Luis with someone new. Yet I know how hypocritical that sounds," Sheridan admitted. She later added that she would be "rooting for him and the woman he found." After more vague questions, Fancy admitted she it was her who was interested in Luis. A shocked Sheridan dropped her mug, but her reaction would have been far worse had she seen what was going on back in the bedroom. A knife-wielding Spike had come in the back door as soon as Sheridan left Chris alone. "I'm just here to finish what I started," he smiled, before ordering Chris to retrieve his gun. Spike then promised that if Luis sends him to jail, he'd take him along. Chris jumped at Spike, but Spike quickly had him pinned on the bed and tortured him by sticking his finger in the gunshot wound.

Kay was concerned over a suddenly deaf Miguel (whose ears were filled with candle wax, thanks to Endora), until Tabitha wondered to whom Siren was singing. Miguel kept screaming for them to speak up, but their talk was not for his ears anyway. It was, of course, Fox who came to Siren's call. After Kay went up to stop Fox and Siren, Miguel's ears opened up. He bemoaned losing Kay because her memory had returned, but Tabby insisted Kay was still interesting in him. Miguel was ready to fight for her, until Tabitha turned her back and Endora shot a spell at him. He started snoring on his feet. Upstairs, the tussle between Kay and Siren got physical. Kay taped Siren's hands to her mouth and dragged her out of the room, telling Fox she was going to "take out the trash."

Pilar found Theresa working in the living room and asked about Ethan's visit. She then handed Theresa the phone, warning that she wouldn't give up until her daughter told Ethan that Little E was his son. She compared the situation to what Ivy did with Ethan and Sam many moons ago. Theresa continued to insist Ethan and Gwen would take custody if they knew and then worried after Julian's desire to sue for custody. When she said Jared might finally save her from Ethan, Pilar was up in arms. She was worried about Jared's character and wanted Theresa with the man she loves. Theresa swore she wouldn't make the mistake her mother made, waiting for a man she could never had. Pilar admitted she'd given up hope of being with Martin, but would never give up on dreaming for Theresa. "You should stop seeing Jared right away and resume your pursuit of Ethan," she told a surprised Theresa. She later topped that by insisting, "It's unfortunate, but Gwen must be considered collateral damage." Gwen, meanwhile, was grilling Ethan on his visit to Theresa, but Ethan insisted she'd moved on. "What about you?" she asked. He said seeing Theresa kissing Jared had helped. Gwen was cautiously optimistic as she asked about the kiss. "Lips were involved," he grumbled. When she went to bring Little E his teddy bear, Ethan checked out the new guy online. He didn't find anything bad, but Gwen was not pleased when she saw what he was doing. Ethan tried to play off his concern by noting that this guy Jared would be around the kids. Gwen then said she knew why Theresa had decided to move on — Pilar. Fat chance, sister. Pilar was at that moment saying, "Do whatever you have to do to make Ethan leave Gwen to be with you!"

Monday, August 7, 2006
Much to Tabitha and Endora's concern, vengeful Siren glowed over landing Fox and plotted to get Miguel next. She laid it on thick when her renewed target joined them, but Miguel pulled out of the kiss to go talk to Kay. It was Tabby's turn to gloat, noting that it couldn't be as satisfying since she always has to rely on her magic to attract a man. She added that men loved the chase and suggested Siren "play hard to get or pretend to be a damsel in distress." The mermaid set to it immediately, leaving Tabitha and Endora to watch. Upstairs, Kay was sure the power of her love for Fox would overthrow any Mermaid's curse. She made Fox's day by accepting his apology. As they cuddled in front of the window, he admitted he was starting to believe in magic and wondered if their getting engaged too soon was the cause of the recent drama. Kay insisted true love would overcome everything, even magic, if it existed. (A watching Tabitha clearly didn't agree.) When Miguel came upstairs to profess his love with Kay, she sent him away without opening the door, but her make-out session was interrupted by Maria's crying. Miguel, meanwhile, found Siren crying. She threw herself at him and tearfully asked why Kay was always so mean to her. Miguel responded that sleeping with Fox might play a big part in that and Siren swore she didn't know how that happened, which Miguel could relate to (having been unknowingly drugged when he slept with Kay). Miguel insisted he need "time to think" and left her, so she started singing her siren's song. Endora and Tabby cared too much for Kay to let Siren "win," so Endora made Miguel deaf! It was Fox who answered Siren's call.

Ethan ran into shirtless Chad on the basketball court and grilled him on whether Jared was a stand-up guy. Chad again called him out on not being over Theresa, but Ethan insisted he was just looking out for her. "She has more of a chance getting hurt by all these mixed signals you're sending her (than Jared)," Chad insisted, adding that now may not be the time to tell Theresa the truth about how he feels. Theresa, meanwhile, was busy apologizing to Jared for looking into his past, since his true love Arabella was dead. Before she got back to work, he planted a kiss on her and he liked that she returned in kind this time. "I wasn't feeling guilty," she said and he agreed to be the guy to help her move on. "You can use me...as long as I can see you tomorrow night," he teased. Theresa worried she'd be too busy, so they left it open. Ethan showed up at the door just as they went in for another goodbye kiss, but hid when Theresa walked Jared out the door. Jared met up with Chad and stripped down for a few games of basketball. There was a bit of guy talk about Theresa, who was now talking to Ethan. When he asked Theresa for Little E's teddy bear, she marveled at her son's connection to the stuffed animal. Ethan was more impressed with how much Little E and he had in common, "even though we're not connected by blood." That made her stumble and go get the teddy bear, since he is of course Little E's real dad. Before leaving, Ethan asked Theresa if she was dating Jared and whether she'd done a background check on him. Then she said she was "usually" a good judge of character, which Ethan took as a slight. (It was one!) She thought he was "strong enough" to be with her, but it turned out he wasn't. He cut her off when she slammed Gwen. She acquiesced and showed him the door. Ethan almost came back, but instead turned away.

Sheridan and Luis went searching for an injured Chris, who was trying to find and hide the papers that connected him to Alistair. When they caught up, they saw pages with the symbol on the ground near him. Ah, but no, they were really looking at the blood above the papers. A relieved Chris went with it, allowing Sheridan to get him back inside. Luis turned to check out the grounds, but found a gun before they were even through the door. When Chris went to their room, a nervous Sheridan suggested Luis leave. They sadly recapped that Sher married Chris just a day before they found Luis. "Why did we think we could overcome every obstacle to be together in this [life]?" she asked. He could only say he thought it would work out this time. She took his hands and begged him to stop torturing himself and her. She said wanted him to move on with someone new, and then went back to caring for her husband.

2005 recaps