Friday, October 6, 2006
While Fancy slithered around the stage, sleazy Lester accused her and Luis of bickering "like an old married couple" and suggested they were moles. "Your contact sent me," Luis reminded him and insisted, "I am who I says I am!" He then accused Lester of being the real mole to turn it around and called Fancy a "two-bit stripper." She responded that Luis was as bad as ever, "expecting me to do a lap dance for five bucks," like he did in Boston. Lester ordered her to do whatever Luis wanted, so the pissed off cop kept his cool as he got the Fanciest lap dance in history. In between telling her to leave, he was clearly enjoying himself — especially after Lester returned and told her to "turn up the heat." Fancy directed Luis, who'd never had a lap dance before and was acting like a cop, but Lester still wasn't convinced. When someone else wanted a dance, Luis insisted she was his girl for the night and then ordered her to leave. Lester wondered where she'd gone, so he brought Luis into his backroom, where Lester was shooting porn films that were distributed over the Internet. Luis played impressed, but Lester wasn't done. He introduced his towel-clad newest star — Fancy! — and asked if there was a reason he shouldn't use her. Would Luis blow his cover to save his cadet?

Kay worried over unconscious Fox, sure the funeral in Tabitha's bowl was for her fiancé. Then he woke up and refused medical assistance. While Kay tended to Fox and asked the boys why they'd gotten so rough, Jared and Chad wondered what had made the ground rumble, referenced Chad's secret and then left the crew at Tabby's to their triangular unrest. The guys were ready to fight again, but Kay stopped them.

JT tried to convince Rebecca, via text message, to meet up for a romp. She was worried Gwen wouldn't approve and said she'd come if he promised to find out why Theresa made Ethan Little E's trustee in her will. JT already had that info, but had no desire to cross paths with Theresa. Just as Rebecca agreed that, "Gwen doesn't need to know," Gwen and Ethan walked in. They were even more suspicious when she got another text, but she said it was one of the "chat-party things. Men sending me dirty little text messages." Then she changed her story and lied that she was organizing a surprise cruise for them. Sure that Rebecca and JT knew something about why Theresa would changed her will, Ethan wouldn't let up, not even when perceptive Gwen tried to end the convo with seduction. Rebecca played indignant over being accused of sleeping with JT and then being called a liar, while a restless JT, not having gotten a reply message from her, sent stripper photos of himself.

Over at Crane, Theresa cheered at the faulty news that JT was still MIA. Then Val stopped in to let Theresa know the investigator was coming. Whitney asked the assistant if she'd seen Chad and after she left, asked Theresa, "You saw how nervous she got when I brought up Chad, right?" Though still worried about what — or who — Chad has been doing, she ultimately agreed to have faith in him and stay positive. Ironically, Chad was heading off to handle his "secret" and after Val showed Theresa's PI in, she took a mysterious call and reprimanded someone for calling her at work. She added that she'd been right in front of Whitney when the call came in. To further arouse viewer suspicion, she then agreed to meet someone at "the usual place." Whit couldn't decide if she should follow the tramp, but it was unnecessary. Theresa hired the PI to follow Chad, who had was in a hotel room with a stranger. "I couldn't wait to be alone with you," he cooed to an unseen person. It seemed quick for it to be Val in the shower already, but you never know....

Thursday, October 5, 2006
When Paloma told Fancy that Luis was getting snazzed up for an undercover assignment, her first response was that they had to get involved. Already in character, Luis told them to "Fugettaboutit." Then he and Sam filled them in on their target, "Big Player" Lester, who'd married into the Boston mob and was bringing his Southern brand of trouble to town, from drugs to prostitution. "I'm going to reel him and I'm going to take him down," promised Luis, who was going in as a "gambling connection." Fancy was worried. He reprimanded her, explaining that her concern was exactly why they shouldn't date, and insisted they keep their distance. He confirmed there was a "chance that we're going to be together, but not here and sure as hell with Sam watching." By the time Sam interrupted, Fancy's fears were quelled about their relationship, but she was still worried about Luis' Fed backup. It didn't help when Sam got a call that the backup's cover had been blown. He told the girls there was nothing to do but wait for Luis' signal. That didn't fly with Fancy, who was "hatching a crazy plan." She hid her infamous identity, awing Paloma, and set out to back Luis up. An unknowing Luis, for his part, showed no fear when he got to the strip club and met Lester. "Lester's as greasy as southern fried chicken," he muttered when Lester left him alone, but he knew his cover was blown when Lester's goons came over to "take care of" him. "I'm a dead man walking," Luis thought as he downed some of his drink. Lester explained that in light of recent FBI activity, the goons were to be his shadows. Luis played along, but was starting to worry. Then "the new girl" hit the stage and Luis was enjoying the show...until he realized it was Fancy! "If Paloma gets on that stage next, I swear I'll kill them both!" he grumbled to himself and then went in for a closer look. Fancy filled him in on having lost his backup and sent him back to his seat, but it was too late. Lester was suspicious.

When Chad and Jared showed up at Tabitha's, Fox and shirtless Miguel were thinking smack (as apposed to talking it) on the basketball court. When Jared picked up on the tension, Miguel said they were "just seeing who's a better man." "I am," Fox responded after intentionally fouling his competitor with a shove to the ground. Jared and Chad had to separate them, but then sat on the sidelines as the combative game continued. "This is Fox and Miguel battling over Kay," Chad explained to the newcomer. Inside, Kay was desperate to hear who's funeral was in Tabby's bowl, but the witch shrugged that it was a closed casket. When she said someone would die, Kay said "we have to stop it." Tabitha reminded her that she's a witch and death was her friend, so Kay got Endora to help her. The little one shot a spell that left butterflies and mini unicorns floating around the kitchen. Then the ground started to shake and black crows swarmed the kitchen. When it was over, Tabitha warned that Endora's spell had actually sped up the arrival of death. At the same time, Miguel took Fox out! Jared came in to call 911, which sent Kay running to Fox. Tabby was sure the funeral she'd seen must have been for Fox, which worked in her favor.

Sheridan tried to convince Ethan she was happy, but just overwhelmed by the excitement the adoption and all. When talk turned to the will, she suggested Theresa's "incongruous behavior" could be a sign that something "unexpected" happened to her first. Ethan recognized how abrupt Theresa's decision to give up in Rome was and Sher insisted that's where the answer lay. He rehashed Theresa's life-endangering efforts in Italy and wondered if JT could help him find out what changed everything. He revealed he had doubts about Rebecca's connection to JT, but not his wife's. Theresa also had JT on her mind after she received an e-mail from the PI she set after him. The e-mail caused a round of questioning from Whitney. After all, why did she need to talk to JT if she was over Ethan? Theresa said she was keeping tabs on him because he knew about Little E's paternity. "I got to make sure he never comes to Harmony," she sighed. To late! A string of text messages from the man himself was distracting Rebecca from her boozing and babysitting. She played it cool when Gwen walked in, lying about the sender. The ladies discussed "Tacosita" and her infamous will. Rebecca suggested they hire "an investigative reporter" to do some digging, which Gwen thought was insane. "You can't even talk to him," she demanded, so when Rebecca got another text message from JT, she pretended it was from the escort agency. When Gwen left to get coffee, Rebecca started text messaging with JT. Her lover was in Harmony and looking for some fun!

Wednesday, October 4, 2006
Though Theresa had retrieved the letter that revealed Little E's paternity, she was still nervous. Whitney, as always, told her pal to be honest about it and Jared arrived in time to almost hear everything. Of course, he hadn't heard anything and teased the guilty looking girls that it was okay if they spent too much money shopping. After Jared left, she again suggested Theresa confide in her boyfriend and Ethan, but Theresa wasn't hearing it. Later, Whit asked Theresa why she kept saying, "Little Ethan's all I've got," and wondered how she felt about Jared. Theresa wasn't sure. She just said Little E was her priority and begged Whit to explain her choices to Ethan after she was dead. Then she revealed, "I just kind of have this feeling. I just need to make sure that I've got everything in order just in case." Talk turned Whit's suspicions about Chad and Valerie. Theresa was ready to fire Valerie for both delivering her will (and the envelope) to Ethan and for honing in on her best friend's man, but Whit worried she might be overreacting and asked her to wait for proof. Talk turned back to Theresa's "dark flashes" and her feeling that her life may be about to end. On the Crane elevator, meanwhile, Chad tried to quell Val's fears about the will snafu. She filled him in on Theresa's angry and seemingly panicked response and mentioned the envelope. Chad wondered why Theresa had left everything to Ethan until Little E grew up and Valerie agreed, insisting it should go to the Crane boys, including Chad. "The answer's in that envelope that mysteriously disappeared," Chad was certain. When Chad offered to talk to Theresa on Val's behalf, Val declined. Then she gave him a slow hug and that looked very suspicious when the elevator doors opened to Jared. Jared gave Chad trouble and Chad agreed, "I don't want to lose Whitney over anything I got going down in my life. I want to keep that separate from me and my future with Whitney." Then it seemed even Jared was upset about the will, since it showed Theresa still had feelings for Ethan, but he concluded, "I know I can get her to love me as much as I love her."

Sheridan, Chris and James returned home to celebrate the adoption and were soon followed by Gwen and Ethan. While the guys opened a few gifts, the girls chatted and Sheridan accidentally called James "Marty." The two adoptive moms commiserated over losing their biological children, but also insisted they were lucky to have their adopted kids. Then Gwen called Sheridan out for moping about Luis. Sher explained she'd been on "cloud nine" after the adoption, but then they'd run into Luis and Fancy. "It just reminded me of everything that might have been," she sighed, but she remained committed to her new son and hubby and determined to stop sending Luis mixed messages. Gwen was cautiously impressed and pressed on, so Sheridan turned the conversation to Jared. That led to talk of the will and while Sheridan was surprised to hear about it, Gwen was just plain suspicious. Sheridan tried to make sense of it all, but Gwen was determined to find out what was in the mysterious envelope. Outside, the guys were watching Little E play with his new remote control truck and having a similar convo. Ethan told Chris that with him, Gwen and Rebecca working in the same building, "it gets very weird at times." He too was referring to the will snafu and they wondered after Theresa's decision. "Anyone in her family would have fought to death to preserve my boy's legacy," Ethan said and Chris caught the slip, but Ethan just shrugged it off as a natural one.

At Kay and Fox's wedding cake tasting, Kay feared she would be "rushed and choose the wrong one," which made Tabitha wonder if she was talking cakes or men! Then Kay fantasized about their perfect wedding, but when Fox kissed the bride, he turned into Miguel. Back in the real world, Miguel came home. Fox bragged that he and Kay had agreed on a marzipan cake and Miguel was quick to point out that Kay hated marzipan. When they decided to choose a new one, Miguel warned against the one with strawberries, again proving he knew Kay better. Fox kept his cool and brought out more samples, but Miguel ended with the upper hand by suggesting they go with lemon. Fox made a face at the idea, only to learn from Tabby that Kay had a soft spot for anything lemony. The boys left Kay and Tabitha to talk about them and started a contentious game of 1-on-1 basketball. Tabby, meanwhile, checked out her bowl and got quite a surprise when she saw Kay's wedding. "Everyone's at the church Kay, but they're not there for your wedding," she slowly revealed...They were there for a funeral! "Someone very close to you is going to die," she warned.

Tuesday, October 3, 2006
Still reeling from their run in with Spike, not to mention the bruises they'd seen on their best friend, Paloma and Simone were even more committed to uncovering the truth behind the serial john murders. They checked out Spike's rap sheet, which was went back to his teen years but didn't have any "big" crimes. Simone wondered if he'd blackmailed Jess into marrying him because, "maybe in his own sick, twisted way, he loves her." That made Paloma second guess their involvement, as did the realization that the murders stopped when Jessica went to Rome with them. "Facts don't lie," Paloma sighed. "From what we've learned, Jessica's the killer." She empathized that hooking would push her to murder, too, but Simone insisted it was impossible and seemed to be right, considering what happened at the Bennett house. Jess and Spike had it out in the kitchen. He smacked her around ad bit and when he asked what he did as her husband, she responded like a robot, "You love me, you adore me, you do your best to make me happy." Then he gave her the diamond necklace he'd stolen from Sheridan's and started kissing her. She tried to stop him and said he'd forced her to have sex the night before, so he decided to force her right then and there in the kitchen. Instead, she stabbed him with a knife. When he collapsed, instead of helping him, she stabbed him in the back. Then she flashed back into reality, where Spike was still forcing himself on her. She pushed him off and grabbed the knife. "I am sick and tired of being used as your punching bag," she screamed, but she couldn't bring herself to use it. He ordered her upstairs and she cut her hand instead of him.

Katherine and Martin ran into each other and he tried to keep his distance as she revealed she was lonely and missed him. "I had all these visions of my family welcoming me back into the fold with open arms. Instead, every time I walk into a room, they look up startled as if wondering who I am," she shared, but Martin just wished her luck and turned to leave. She stopped him again to ask him if she was a terrible person. Pilar showed up just in time to hear him say she wasn't, so she showered them with insults. She unceremoniously dumped Martin and asked him for a divorce and a church annulment. "I realized I need to practice what I preach," she explained. "I want to live again, I want to love again — before it's too late." Martin couldn't believe it and refused, but Pilar was done "carrying [him] around like unwanted baggage." He went to chase after her, but Katherine stopped him, insisting this was their chance. "I'm sorry, Katherine," he responded. "We can't. We just can't."

Sheridan fretted over what to wear to James' adoption hearing. "What could possibly go wrong?" Chris asked (which meant something was sure to), but things with the judge went smoothly. The judge empathized with Sheridan losing her other children and granted the adoption. Of course, Chris' permission "as the boy's biological father" won't hold up if (and when) Chris' real dad shows up. Meanwhile, at the police station next door, Luis threw all of his anger over losing Sheridan into the punching bag. Unfortunately, Fancy was standing right behind it! He apologetically helped her up and then fibbed that it was work that had him "worked up," but she didn't buy it. He didn't want to talk about it, so she took her turn on at the bag (with pink gloves, no less) and then they got competitive on the treadmill. Fancy pushed too far, going too fast and too high up, and went flying off the back. He helped her up off the ground and right into a kiss, but then recalled the rule that kept them apart. They got back into uniform and discussed their smooch. Fancy wanted to know if there was hope for them and he responded, "I always have hope. It's the only way I get through the day." After another illegal kiss, they set off for court, where Luis was scheduled for a deposition. Of course, they ran into the happy new family. Luis congratulated James, which made Sheridan smile, but not Chris and Fancy. Of course, Luis' smile wasn't real. He insisted he was fine, but Fancy said it was "time to do a little work on making yourself happy." Sheridan, for her part, teared up, but covered up by telling her new son they were tears of joy.

Monday, October 2, 2006
Whitney walked into Theresa's office, where the topic was Little Ethan's custody. She'd written a letter for her will that let (Big) Ethan know the truth if she died, but she still refused to tell him now, for fear of losing custody of their son or of him losing his future claim on Crane. Whitney and Pilar tried to talk some sense into her (which has worked so well in the past). Then Ethan and Gwen barged in, horrified by information Ethan had received from Theresa. "Your little secret is out," Gwen barked. It turned out Valerie had sent the wrong file to Ethan, making Ethan and Gwen assume Theresa had sent him her will as her newest "little plan." Ethan said he'd read the entire will, but clearly hadn't seen the letter. "Did you ever think of just asking me if I would be willing to take on that responsibility before you made your will?" he asked, so she officially asked him and, to Gwen's disgust, he agreed. Then she stalled them, fearing they'd find the letter on the desk. Pilar retrieved it from his office before Ethan returned, but an unseen trespasser had already read it.

Tabitha warned Endora that any more magical meddling would only make things worse, but the little witch wasn't convinced. Fox, meanwhile, was feeling confident that he had nothing to worry about because Kay loved him, and he was committed to giving up his recent distrust. He was worried Siren might cause him trouble, not knowing that his little sis, Endora, had zapped her back out of existence. While he was on cloud nine, Kay was back to a confused square one. Miguel's explanation that he'd made out with Siren to protect Kay was "hard to swallow," but she'd ultimately ended up apologizing to him for thinking the worst of him and then even thanking him. Before Fox could walk in with his roses and see what was going on, Endora gave him "the whammy" and sent him running into the Bennett house. "Where am I?" he asked Noah, his head still smoking. When he said he was "crazy in love" with Kay, Noah was a bit jealous, since he and Fancy were in the "friends" zone. Noah added that Fox's love gave him hope. Fox thanked him and told him to "hang in there, man." Back in Tabby's kitchen, Miguel told Kay, "The whole time I was kissing [Siren], I was thinking of you. It's the only way I could force myself to do it." Kay was especially touched, but when he pushed her to admit their love, she repeatedly refused. Then Tabitha announced Fox's return, so they ducked out of the room...and started kissing!? Kay protested, as usual, between kisses.

Chris caught Spike going through Sheridan's cottage and filling his bag with loot, including a gorgeous diamond necklace. Chris had a knife to his neck, but sent Spike out empty-handed instead of killing him. At the pool, meanwhile, Paloma and Simone tried to get a black and blue Jessica to admit she'd been beaten, repeatedly. "I am not some statistic you learned about in your stupid police classes. I am Spike's wife," she shot at Paloma. She then turned on Simone, snarling, "You can't get a man. That's why you had to become a lesbian," but Simone wouldn't let the inflammatory statement distract them from the situation at hand. Her girlfriends called her out about cutting herself again and worried that she was clinically depressed, but getting her away from Spike was their primary concern. He arrived just in time to hear Simone railing about him. He twisted her arm and calmly told her to "please stay away from my wife." When he ignored Paloma's warnings, the bikini-clad cadet kicked his knee out and got the upper hand. He insisted Jess liked rough sex and though she didn't agree, she did make Paloma let go of him. "If you two little brats keep stirring up trouble, I will have a nice little talk with Jessica's daddy and tell him the whole truth," he warned before leaving with her.

2005 recaps